an open door

Jessica would be the one to throw a giant bonfire for spring break. They had all been so stressed with midterms, with final college decisions, with graduation looking so close, that they all needed to blow off some steam. La Push Beach was the favorite bonfire spot, with so many fire rings littered around from past groups, and a perfect sea breeze. She talked all of their friend group into coming on the last night of break, and a good part of the rest of their class heard and came, too.

Some people brought along chips, others soda, and plenty brought s'mores fixings. A few brought some alcohol they had snuck out, and one brought a battery-powered stereo. It was quite the gathering, and plenty loud as groups of people mingled, danced, and ate the night away - before they had to go back to school the next day. It was only a matter of time until the La Push crew joined.

They had been so busy for what felt like months. With the Cullens gone, they had expected to be able to relax, maybe hunt the occasional nomad to keep their skills up. But then one nomad became two, and with her, a threat to Bella and all the people around her. So they were constantly on guard, running patrols and having meetings on how best to beat her. It wasn’t going well, and they all needed a night off from the stress.

Leah hadn’t wanted to go. She wanted to decompress like she normally did, by beating and sawing hunks of wood until they looked cool. But Seth wanted to come, and he had begged her to join him. She had finally agreed, saying he’d need a chaperone with all the stupid Forks kids around. So she stood, on the edge of the fire, a can of beer in her hand as she watched the flames dance. She knew it was a party, but did everyone have to be so loud? With the last sips of her drink, she rolled her eyes and crumbled the can, tossing it into one of the many trash bags by the food table. She turned to leave; Seth could find his own way home.

“Leaving so soon?” she heard a voice from behind her. She turned, seeing a girl with long brown hair and a ton of makeup - the only one close enough to have said anything and actually be heard. Leah couldn’t place the girl, but figured it didn’t actually matter all that much. All the Forks kids looked the same anyway.

“It appears I am. What’s it to you?” she asked, already regretting her choice to engage instead of leaving.

“My mom always taught me to be a good host. Make sure all the guests have a good time. And leaving before s’mores? Doesn’t sound like a good time.”

“Crowds aren’t really my thing. Nor are perky strangers.”

“Well, I’m Jessica. No longer a stranger, see?” She held out her hand for a shake. Leah stared at it until she let it drop. “Well, we’re about to break out the marshmallows. You really should join.”

Leah felt herself tense at Jessica’s persistence. Not here, she thought, taking a breath to calm herself. “I already said I didn’t want to,” she said, struggling to keep her voice even.

“Alright, fine. Wait right here.” Before Leah could respond, she ran off, but was back before Leah could escape. She pressed a small box into Leah’s hand. “Some chocolate for the road. Hope to see you around!” she added with a wink before running back, grabbing a pack of marshmallows on her way to the fire.

Leah sighed, then looked at the box Jessica had given her. How had she known kit-kats were her favorite?

more fic // request fic

i just wanted to be found

On the one hand, Edward and Bella’s reunion is sweet and cathartic (Edward being sure he’s dead and somehow in heaven because she’s there!!) and has juuuust enough angst with Bella worrying if Edward’s going to disappear anyway again but enjoying his presence while she has him. And the “blackest kind of blasphemy” speech? *chef’s kiss*

On the other hand it is SO LAME that Edward suddenly doesn’t have to worry about his bloodlust anymore around Bella. Like I get it it’s so perfectly Edward to be ~fixed~ by knowing true heartbreak but like. The guy essentially starved himself for months and then had his singer literally slam into him.

I’m not throwing this into the mix just because it looks cool (though it does, of course)… part of the reason this looks so creepy is it cancels out an avenue of nonverbal communication. The evolutionary advantage to white sclera is more accurate gaze following: humans infer where other humans are looking based on which way their head is facing + the amount of white visible (and on which side it’s visible). Having limited/no contrast between sclera/iris/pupil means that Bella is missing yet another cue from Edward. In this AU/rewrite he can’t speak once he gets a whiff of Bella, and with his eyes like this she can’t even properly place his attention. To cap it all off, she’s finally with him but she can’t properly look him in the eye.

So Bella slams into Edward in the plaza, and the smell of his singer to his starved mind makes his eyes go from black irises to fully blacked out. He’s already pale and gaunt, and now his eyes look empty.

Just posted some!!! Here are some more exclusive to Forks

for Bella/Jacob, requested by @teamjacobthot

technically i had already written for this prompt and pairing, but forgot until i had already written it down in my requests notebook. anyways, had an idea for part 2. read part one here.

Bella took a long time to drive home that night. The road between her house and Jacob’s was so short, and she knew it like the back of her hand. But this time she took the longest way possible, looping through other neighborhoods, finding the longest stoplights, driving past different shops, trying to think of anything she needed for an excuse to stop. Anything she could think of to delay going back to the house, to Charlie with all his questions and concern, she did. It worked. By the time she parked in the driveway, the porch light was the only one on. She didn’t know how late it was, but Charlie had clearly gone to bed already. His questions would have to wait for the morning. 

She trudged up the driveway and into the house, her feet dragging along the pavement. It was bitterly cold; the rain from earlier had slowed to a drizzle, but the air had gotten far colder as the sun went down. For all she noticed, it could have been snowing. After so long avoiding it, she had gone numb, forcing herself not to think about it. But the thoughts couldn’t be held at bay anymore, and she ran up the stairs two at a time, desperate to get in bed before the tears hit or Charlie came to investigate.

She cried herself to sleep that night, clutching her pillow. She wasn’t sure how long it took her to fall asleep, or how long she had been sleeping, if at all. Her room was still dark when she woke up, with only the moonlight that had broken through the cloud cover shining through. It was then that she realized what had woken her up; a soft clang against her window. She stood up to investigate, praying it was just her imagination. But then she saw Jacob standing in her yard, at the base of the big tree. She considered closing her curtains and going back to bed, but figured she owed it to him to at least see what he wanted. Or something like that.

“What the hell, Jake?” she hissed after opening her window. 

“I’m coming up!” he yelled, before gracefully scaling the tree and swinging off a branch through the window. She was too tired, too mad, too sad for this.

“Actually, no. Get out,” she said, walking to open her bedroom door. He wasn’t going to chance falling out the window again on her watch.

“Bells, please. Hear me out.”

“Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?”

“I… I can’t.” Jacob’s shoulders slumped.

“You made yourself perfectly clear this afternoon. And if you can’t even respect me enough to tell me what’s gotten you like this…”

“It’s not that. I’m not allowed to tell you. The legends…” he trailed off, looking almost like he was choking on his words. 

Bella wanted to comfort him, to hold him tight and never let go. She hated seeing him like this, and hated even more knowing she was a probable cause. But what could she do? What could she say?

“Jake.”

“Bells.” He closed the distance between them, grabbing her and pulling her close. She almost stumbled, but couldn’t bring herself to complain about the abrupt gesture.

“I wish you could tell me,” Bella said, her voice muffled in Jake’s chest.

“Me too. God, me too. It’s just not my secret to tell. But I hate not being able to talk to you. I miss you so goddamn much.”

“I’m right here! What do they have on you?”

“It’s nothing like that. I… they…” Jacob was carefully choosing his words; whatever he could say was just tumbling out. “It’s just the way things are.”

“Then let’s get away from here! Maybe we could road trip it, or stay with Renee, or…”

“I wish I could say yes. There’s just… there’s things I have to do here. I can’t just run away.”

“Just, just go then.” Bella went back to her door, opening it for him.

“Bella.” Jacob wanted to explain, but had no idea where to begin. “I’m sorry.”

“Unless something’s changing, your apology is not accepted. I didn’t need you to come here and break me all over again. Please go.”

“Bella.”

“No. Leave.” She turned her back to him, climbing into bed and turning her light off. Jacob looked at her for a moment longer, then turned to leave. He wished things could be different, but it clearly wasn’t meant to me. He trudged down the stairs, desperately trying to think of a way around the rule. But maybe, they were better off this way.

more fic // request fic

Emmett: Women like bad boys.

*Later in the woods*

Leah Clearwater + autumn  icons

Bella x Jacob

technically this is “things you said after you ALMOST kissed me” but what are u gonna do??? call the writing prompt police??? anyways enjoy!!!

Bella stood in the kitchen, taking deep breaths to calm herself. She had been so good at keeping Jacob at arms’ length, at avoiding his advances, at holding clearly defined lines in their friendship. But lately those lines were getting more and more blurred, and she never wanted to pull away as much anymore. Which was how she ended up leaning against the kitchen counter, Jacob so close she could feel the heat radiating off him, their faces so close together she could make out the freckles on his nose… and then the phone rang, ruining the moment. Bella had been so lost in her head that she forgot about it until she heard Jacob slam the phone back in the receiver and begin muttering to himself. She thought she could make out the phrase “filthy bloodsucker” and a few expletives, but wasn’t sure.

“Who was it?” Bella asked, wrapping her arms around herself. She hadn’t realized how cold she was until Jacob pulled away. 

He hesitated, clearly not wanting to say. “Dr. Cullen,” he finally spat, the title sounding like a swear word. “He wanted Charlie. I told him Charlie was busy. So he asked if you were okay. I told him that was  loaded fucking questions, but physically you were unharmed. Then he hung up on me.” He sounded angrier the more he spoke, until he was shaking. Bella waited, holding her breath, until he was calm again. Well, calmer.

“I would have liked to speak with him, Jacob,” Bella said, trying to sound much less hysterical than she actually felt.

“Why? So they could shatter you again?”

“Jake, it…”

“No, Bells. They destroyed you. If someone hurts you like that, you don’t let them back in. They leave without a trace for months, no contact, but then they pop back in, with no acknowledgement of what they did, and you’re all good to act like nothing happened? That’s bullshit, and they don’t deserve your forgiveness. They certainly don’t have mine.”

Bella said nothing, absorbing his words. Alice had come back, expecting the worst, and what she found was only slightly better. They had left for her safety, because she didn’t belong in their world. And it had almost killed her, worse than James, worse than Edward or Jasper if they lost control. She slid down the cabinet doors until she was sitting on the floor, her head in her hands. Jacob sat beside her, reaching out to rest his hand on her knee. She leaned into him, a comfortable embrace they found easily.

“I don’t say this to hurt you. But, love… I really think it’s time to let them go. Move on with your life.”

“I think it’s well past time for that.”

“I can’t argue with that. But you had to be ready to let go of them. You’re going to be so happy, Bella.”

“You can’t see that, Jake. Alice is the only psychic around here.”

He chuckled at that. “I don’t need to see the future to know that. It’s so easy to see how many people love you, if only you’d let us. My father already counts you as a daughter, you’re Charlie’s world, Emily adores you, Quil and Embry think you’re hilarious, Seth looks up to you so much. Even Paul and Leah are coming around. Your friends at school, and Renee. Your world is so much more than some dude that thinks he knows what’s best for you and his family. Choose life. Choose the daylight.”

Once again, Bella was rendered speechless by Jacob today. Some part of her knew he was right, and she wanted to trust that. But she had had such a solid future, such a life she was prepared for with the Cullens. She hadn’t realized how hard she had been holding on to that future of being strong, beautiful, surrounded by others who had no choice but to stay with her. But that future was gone. And now she could see how many choices she had, of futures and goals and the people she could surround herself with and who she could become. It was all, finally, up to her.

She stood up, pulling Jacob up with her. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, as tight as she could. He stilled, then hugged her right back.

“I love you,” Bella said before she could stop herself.

“Love you too, honey. Always have, always will.”

more fic // request fic

but you’re a masterpiece

new icon and header for pride month!

right over my bare feet

Valley of Flowers, Chamoli District, Uttarakhand, India

colors in your eyes

my newest macrame piece!

close-ups under the cut! see more art under my art tag

29. things you said in the rain

“Bells, come on! We’re almost there!” Jacob called, looking through the trees for his much slower hiking buddy.

“I’m coming!” Bella barked back, from further away than Jacob had anticipated. He doubled back to meet her. “Some of us actually have normal size legs, and hiking staminas,” she added once they had met up again.

“Sounds like you have a lot of excuses,” he said, taking her hand. “Just a little more of this hill.”

Bella groaned. “I thought we were jumping off the higher cliff.”

“We are. I just… took us along the scenic route.”

“Jacob! Charlie is expecting me back before the morning, you know.”

“So I wanted to spend more time with you.” Jacob squeezed her hand, and Bella felt her cheeks flush. “Besides, the way down is a lot quicker.” He winked.

“So I hear,” Bella muttered.

“Do I detect some nervousness in your voice?”

“Bella rolled her eyes. “We’re about to jump off a cliff. Of course I’m nervous.”

Jacob stopped. They were at the top of the hill, finally. Right at the start of a well-worn path that led right to the edge of the cliff. “Darling, you know I’ll keep you safe, right?”

“That’s why I’m here,” she said with a smile. They followed the path right up to the edge. Bella peered over towards the ocean below. “You’re sure this is safe?”

“Define ‘safe.’”

“Jacob!”

He laughed. “Again, cliff. We’re jumping off of it. It’s certainly dangerous. But we do it all the time, and I’m here with you to help. Trust me, I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t think we could handle it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Eh, don’t be. We were all scared shitless our first time. It’s practically a rite of passage. Enjoy the fall, then do your best to surface and swim towards shore. I’ll help you as soon as I can. The waves will be rough, so swim hard. If needed, just keep yourself afloat. I’ll take care of you.”

“Got it. Paddle hard, look for you.” Bella nodded, trying to psych herself up. “On three?”

Jacob nodded back, leading her a few steps up the path again so they could get a running leap. “Alright! One…”

“Two…”

“Three!” they said together, then began running. Jacob matched his stride to Bella’s, pausing for a split second to make sure she jumped. She did, and he happily followed her down, joining in her scream of exhilaration and fear as they flew. He twisted in midair so he cut through the water at a dive, making it easier to surface and find Bella faster. As soon as he saw her, he swam as fast as he could.

“God! That was fucking awesome!” Bella yelled over the waves, spitting out seawater that had flown into her mouth.

Jacob laughed as he reached her. “Hell yeah! Do you get it now?”

“What?”

Jacob rolled his eyes. “Never mind. Put your arms around me; I’ll get us to shore,” he yelled louder. She did as he asked, still chattering about the jump. Jacob swam fast, getting them to the shore in just a few minutes. She let go of him once they hit the rocks, but he pulled her back.

“Come on, you’re freezing. Take advantage of the walking space heater you have.”

“If you insist,” she said, tucking her face into his chest. She frowned. “Why am I getting rained on?”

He laughed. “Probably because it’s raining.” She groaned. “We just jumped in the ocean. It’s not like we can get any wetter.”

“Yeah, but it’s cold!”

“Let’s get you somewhere warm, then,” he said, placing a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m with you. That’s plenty warm,” she said, wrapping her arms tighter around him.

more fic // request fic