My life

I agree with what most of you already said about the episode, still I'd like to say my piece from my corner of the internet:

As a Barson shipper this episode felt really bittersweet for me. On the one hand, I'm glad barba finally had that discussion with her and shared his feelings. But on the other, it is blatantly obvious how they've been setting everything for Bensler to become canon (kudos for not coming up with a more obvious plot devise than killing Kathy 🙄). Liv saying 'I miss you too' felt like she was gently letting him down imo.

I also liked that he not only told her how he felt about her but he also called her out on her behaviour and on the whole Stabler situation.

I know that Raul recently stated that he saw them as a relationship between siblings. But I'm not buying it, at least on his part.

Exhibit A: him always asking her out or for drinks:

Exhibit B: the way he looked so hurt when he found out about Tucker:

Exhibit C: the way he looked at her when he told her "I'm here to talk to my friend about whatever she wants to talk about"

Exhibit D: and let's not forget about that 'You gave my world colours' speech:

And so many more moments that I'm not mentioning.

I always felt ( specially at the end of season 18 / beginning of 19) that they were paving the way for Barson, or at least testing the waters, but him leaving the show obviously changed things. I now think that at best it will be played out as unrequited love.

Two things that exasperated me:

Liv honey, that man ghosted you for ten years, how can you say you've known him for 23?

I get that you asked Barba to not do it, but how can you expect that people would do or don't do things just because you asked?

He defended her because her career, her reputation, was important enough for him to risk their friendship. For once, someone put her first, and this is the result. 💔💔💔

She may not have needed someone to protect her, But she deserves someone who looks after her.

After seeing her amazing Lucien portrait, I commissioned darihx to draw Elucien and she created the Elucien in the Day Court art of my dreams.

I love how Dariya depicts Lucien as a biracial man, and when I asked her to depict Elain as a curvy, mid-sized woman, she served absolute perfection. While admittedly mid-sized Elain is a headcanon, it's based on Nesta's description of a happier Elain in ACOSF as "softness and elegant curves" (201-202). I love the idea that when Elain reaches her happily-ever-after, she'll be gloriously curvy.

Old Barson stuff <3

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Anya Chalotra has more romance chemistry with both Joey Batey and Eamon Ferren than she does with Henry Cavill. And Joey Batey had better romance chemistry with Anya Chalotra than he has with Henry Cavill. 

That is not saying that Anya and Joey don’t have chemistry with Henry - they do. But, there were times in S2, where I really wanted Yen and Jaskier to kiss (or honestly though Yen and Cahir).  And, while  Geralt (understandably) spent most of the season angry at Yennefer, it felt like Jaskier had grown more fond of and  worried about her. He was the only person to check on her after she had nearly sacficed herself for the others. He tried to save her several times - even if it meant putting his life in danger. (Even Cahir tried to save Yennefer). 

I just - 

“I’m a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it’s saved a few lives.”

I don’t like the phrase “a cry for help.” I just don’t like how it sounds. When somebody says to me, “I’m thinking about suicide. I have a plan: I just need a reason not to do it,” the last thing I see is helplessness.

I think your depression has been beating you up for years. It’s called you ugly, and stupid, and pathetic, and a failure, for so long that you’ve forgotten that it’s wrong. You don’t see any good in yourself, and you don’t have any hope.

But still here you are: you’ve come over to me, banged on my door and said, “HEY! Staying alive is REALLY HARD right now! Just give me something to fight with! I don’t care if it’s a stick! Give me a stick and I can stay alive!”

How is that helpless? I think that’s incredible. You’re like a marine: trapped for years behind enemy lines. Your gun has been taken away, you’re out of ammo, you’re malnourished, and you’ve probably caught some kind of jungle virus that’s making you hallucinate giant spiders.

And you’re still just going, “GIVE ME A STICK. I’M NOT DYING OUT HERE.” “A cry for help” makes it sound like I’m supposed to take pity on you, but you don’t need my pity. This isn’t pathetic. This is the will to survive. This is how humans lived long enough to become the dominant species.

With NO hope, running on NOTHING, you’re ready to cut through a hundred miles of hostile jungle with nothing but a stick, if that’s what it takes to get to safety.

All I’m doing is handing out sticks.

“Why are you so lazy?”

But you’re not lazy. Lazy is when you shrug things off because you can’t summon up the give-a-damn. When you’re curled up tight on your chair, at your desk, alone and grey and desperately wishing that you had your life in order, that you did all those things that you had to do, that it didn’t feel like breaking rocks just to feed and clothe yourself and get some sleep, that’s not lazy.

People don’t understand. You tell them “It’s Hard.” They tell you, “No it isn’t. You’re just lazy.”

You start to wonder if they’re right. Is breaking those rocks easy for everyone else? Are they that much stronger than you? They don’t look like they’re struggling. “Just try harder,” they say. But you’re trying. It’s not working. Breaking boulders in your path until you’re spent isn’t lazy, and you do it day after day.

You’re not lazy. Most people don’t have those rocks to break.They don’t even know what it’s like to have to break rocks to get things done. They don’t understand how hard you have to work, and how hopeless you feel, when you try and fail to do what they do easily. Things hard harder for you, they really are. And if those people had to deal with your problems they wouldn’t be doing any better.

You’re not lazy. You’re not weak. You’re fighting hard. I guess I just want you to know that I know that.”

Liv picked herself up after he left. Yes there was once a lot of love between them (both platonically and romantically) but she moved on. She opened her world up to more than just him. Before he left, her entire world revolved around the job and Stabler. Now, she’s all fixed, she put herself back together and opened her heart to Finn, Rollins, Amaro, Carisi, Barba and even Stone. She has a beautiful, kind, sweet son. She made her own family because Stabler made his choice and that’s fine. That’s his right. He had a wife and kids and he finally started acting like it instead of leaving Kathy high and dry (my sweet angel deserved better) But then he comes back and messes with her feelings all while he’s grieving? He wants to play the crying widower but still fuck with Olivia’s feelings?

Olivia is the heart of the show, and Barba said it best when he told her the problem with being an empath. “It’s too easy to lose yourself when people need you.” Liv is losing sight of who has been there for her since he left and it breaks my fucking heart. Barba was there and Stabler wasn’t. Through all this bullshit that much is true.

There was no point in making Barba the villain and honestly I understood why he took the case in his own way. He loves Liv. Whether you want to read into it as romantic or not that is up to the viewers but at the end of the day he loves her. He was right when he said another defense attorney would have dissected every inch of Bensler’s relationship. Barba was trying to help in his own way and I hope people realize that.

P.s. Where the fuck was Amanda? I need more Rollisi.

The Pretender (1996-2000)

Today a friend told me about a show she used to be obsessed with. I nearly screamed.

NO ONE understands my obsession with The Pretender…and now I found someone to share in my unhealthy obsession. Yes!!

Even with the outdated tech & the cheesiness I love it. Every once in a while (usually when I’m sick or in a bad mood) I have to watch an episode or read a Pretender fanfic. It always makes me feel better. Maybe it’s because of Jarod being a justice warrior or asskicker…

Gah! I’ll never stop loving the show and Jarod.

Like for Elain&Azriel