Tealeaves and Thorns

He bit into his toast, gaze on Maria. Then, slowly, his hand sank. In all honesty, he had never looked at it from that angle. Maria knew, though: she had been in the same position. Well, now he felt like an asshole. “It really is that much harder for women, isn’t it?” Gareth asked. It was ridiculous, really, especially nowadays. Both parties were at fault, there was no room of discussion in his eyes. “I have a feeling just talking to her won’t really help…especially talking to her alone. On the other hand, shall we really involve HR in this? It might backfire.”

"It is." Maria nodded. She hadn't meant to make him feel bad though. She just wanted to make him aware that Sarah's fate was probably much harsher than his own. Even if her punishment didn't seem as harsh.

"I think you're right about talking to her, and talking to her together would be strange. I don't think we should involve HR in this yet, but, if anyone is having a conversation with her we definitely need to record it." Maria pointed out. "I genuinely don't know what's best in this situation. I don't want you to be put in any more of an awkward position than you are.... maybe I could talk to her?" The instant the suggestion left her mouth she regretted it. She didn't really want to talk to Sarah, especially not one on one. She had no idea what to expect from the woman but the fact Maria had tried to be nice to her and Sarah had been nothing but rude.... AND she'd kissed Gareth. It filled her with a sort of anger that probably wasn't productive.

Which is what brought up his question as to how Maria chose her name, something Horatio hadn't remembered ever asking before. He wondered if she saw it when looking through one of these books, or if it came from a book she enjoyed reading, perhaps a character she admired. And when she mentioned having called her Sprout at first, Horatio's smile widened, the warmth in his eyes unmistakable. His heart melted at that, her reasoning for calling her such touching and sweet, and he let out a quiet chuckle. "Mm, she was a tough little Sprout indeed. Still is." He hummed thoughtfully. What with all that she went through. All that they both went through because of Adam. But they survived. She was strong like her mother. God, she was so strong. And she blossomed into something truly beautiful. She still was.

Then came the explanation of how she chose the name Maddie. It wasn't from one of her books. It wasn't from one of the baby books they were holding in their hands. No. She'd been named after a real person. Named after someone that helped them, that helped take care of Maria. His brow lifted, not in surprise, but in quiet admiration and his eyes softened further. His hand moved to Maria's that was one her belly, thumb stroking against the back of her hand, feeling grateful for the woman that helped Maria not only during the birth, but after that, too. How she showed concern for the both of them, how she genuinely cared for their wellbeing. "It's a beautiful name." He said after a moment. "And it suits her well." His voice matched the softness in his eyes, and the warmth of his smile. "Some people hear a name and never think about where it comes from, but you sweetheart, you're honoring someone who gave you comfort when you needed it most. And that kindness, that strength, it lives on in Maddie." He looked down at her hand for a moment, thumb stroking over the ring he placed on her finger, a tender smile on his face as he looked into her eyes again. "But that kindness, that strength, also comes from you." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, wanting her to remember that. Wanting her to believe it.

"I like Amelia, I like Annie too. I like Aurora, Rory for short." Maria admitted. "That might be a bit too disney princess though. I just always had a fondness for that name. Ophelia and Daphne too."

She took a sip of her water and put it back on the side picking up one of the books and flicking through it but not really looking at it as she talked about Maddie and finding her name.

"She really is, she's amazing." Maria said quietly because Maddie was amazing, she was such a strong, kind, beautiful little girl and Maria always felt so grateful that she got to be her mother. She smiled softly at Horatio when he started to compliment her, when he stroked the ring on her finger. She loved him so much, she couldn't wait to be Mrs Caine and suddenly it struck her that she'd probably be getting married whilst pregnant, unless they waited.

"I uhm, I don't actually know. I haven't seen her there since but we haven't had that many trips to the hopsital, well apart from the yearly stuff and after everything that happened." Maria admitted. Then she was smiling because she was remembering the nurse calling her Mrs Caine.

Joe Wright on the handflex™: "I never know where to put a camera when I'm shooting carriages pulling away 'cause there's no emotion to drive it. But there's the emotion."

When she claimed she wasn't thinking about petting the bears, Horatio's brow arched in amused disbelief. She didn't sound sure. "Even if it's a cute little bear cub?" He questioned, like he was testing her. Then he chuckled, shaking his head. "I don't mind seeing them from a distance, but if they're anywhere near the cabin, we're locking the doors and the windows." He was definitely not taking any chances with bears, but he did love how much Maria loved animals, even the dangerous ones. To be fair, he loved tigers and lions and wolves, especially wolves. He just... loved her heart. How she loved all things and saw the good in them, even people. Though sometimes, sometimes they didn't deserve her kindness. They didn't deserve to be seen as... misunderstood or whatever it was. One person that came to mind was Adam. He was just an all around jerk and creep and he really gave Horatio a bad feeling anytime he was around Maria.

The mere thought of him made his jaw clench, that combined with the thought of his dad, but when Maria took his face into his hands and promised him that he'd never be like him, that he couldn't, he relaxed again and smiled, his eyes softening. It made him sick to think about every hurting anyone, especially Maria, but he wouldn't. He'd never hurt her. God, no, he wouldn't. It meant everything hearing those words from Maria, the person who believed in him most, the person that made him feel strongest. He gave her a loving smile and kissed her softly, nodding, showing that he understood, that he believed her. "Thank you, sweetheart." He murmured, sighing softly. "Yeah, Basketball does help, until I miss the shot then I just get even more frustrated." He chuckled. "Maybe I'll try the diary thing first.." He was really considering doing that, then maybe the boxing if he needed another outlet.

She loved him so much and she hoped he knew she meant every word she said. He would never, ever end up like his father. Horatio just didn't have it in him, even if the worst thing happened. Even if he was really angry. He just didn't have it in him to be like his dad. She knew. She knew and her whole family knew that he would never, ever hurt her.

When he started to kiss her shoulder Maria hummed, her breath catching when he moved to her neck, hitching when they turned wet over her pulse point. She was only just listening to him now, lip pulling between her teeth as he talked about them in swimsuit and trunks. She could just see it all, she could also see them swimming together, them close in the pool, her legs wrapped around his waist.

A soft moan left her when his lips were at her ear.

"It's not that I don't believe you, by the way. It's just, I know it's affected you, everything that happened and it's still affecting you." She admitted. She did roll her eyes slightly when he said about Bond. "You have to remember Bond and I went through a lot together, like you and some of your army buddies. It forms a... tether. He was also the one to get me out of..." Maria trailed off. "That doesn't mean he's not on your side Gareth. He helped me save you. He knew, he knew you weren't what they were saying. I know it's hard but give him a little, tiny bit of credit. Plus if he was only on my side he definitely wouldn't have had you back to his apartment."

Maria sighed gently. She loved Gareth so much and sometimes she just hated how alone he seemed to feel but she didn't know how to fix it. She didn't know how to show him.

By the time he found the words to say, Maddie was reaching over the hot stove and Maria stopped her, but Horatio still stood, ready to act quickly if she had burned herself but he stopped moving when he was sure she hadn't, listening as Maria talked to her about it. Then she asked if they could take over and Horatio nodded, taking Maria's place next to Maddie. He watched her leave, wondering if she was feeling alright. She hadn't mentioned being sick this morning, but maybe it was starting up or she just had to use the bathroom and that was all.

"Did I make Momma upset, Daddy?" Maddie asked with a frown, because she had left right after.

"Of course not, sweetheart." Horatio assured her, running his hand down her hair. "She just doesn't want you to get hurt, that's all. I promise she isn't upset with you. She just needed to use the bathroom." He promised her with a kiss to the top of her head. "You know, when I was a kid, I burned myself on the stove."

Maddie looked up at him quickly. "Really? Did it really hurt, Daddy?" She frowned.

"Mhm. Hurt for a few days, actually." He answered honestly. Not to scare her, and he of course left out details, but he just wanted to explain why they were adamant about her not reaching over the stove. "That's why you have to be really careful, okay? We don't want you hurt, sweetheart."

"Where did it hurt, Daddy?"

"Right here." He lifted up his right hand and tapped the right side of it where his pinky was. It didn't leave a permanent scar, but boy, did it hurt.

Maddie gently grabbed his wrist and leaned in to press the softest of kisses to his hand where he pointed to. "Momma says kisses can help the old ouchies, too!"

Horatio's heart melted at that. It softened so completely that it almost ached. Emotion welled in his chest, impossible to ignore and a soft, emotional smile pulled at his lips. "She's right. It does help and it did." He said, and he meant it. If only she knew just how healing not only her kisses were, but just her. Just being in his life had healed him, getting to be her father. It was the greatest honor of his life. Her bright smiles, her cheerful giggles, her warm, clinging hugs. They both had healed him in ways he never thought possible once upon a time. Healed him in every way possible. His heart and his soul. "Thank you, sweetheart." He said after a moment, pressing another kiss to the top of her head before they turned back to the stove.

"Can you turn off the stove now, Daddy? I don't need it anymore." She asked politely with a smile and he nodded, carefully doing just that. "I still have to be careful though cause it's still hot, right?"

Her eyes fell to Horatio and Maddie and the heat, the slight peakiness she felt, it all disappeared. Melted away and didn't matter as she watched them talking and cooking.

"Mmmhmm." Maria replied when Horatio asked if she was okay. "Just a little warm, probably being stood at the stove, and hungry but when am I not hungry at the moment?" Maria laughed. "That and he's moving around in there, moving more when he heard you guys. I can't wait until you can feel it too." Maria said. Without even thinking about it Maria slipped away from Horatio, opened the cupboard and pulled out a box that she slipped her hand into and took a handful of cereal, popping it into her mouth. Her back was to Horatio and Maddie, but she groaned as the handful of cereal just hit the spot; clearly, she was craving something.....

"MOMMA!" Maddie shouted and Maria jumped. Dropping a few of the brightly coloured hoops onto the floor and turning slowly towards Maddie and Horatio. "BREAKFAST IS READY! You can't eat..." Maddie was chastising her for eating right before breakfast, just like Maria did with Maddie but then Maddie's little face turned into a big O and she looked over at Horatio whilst pointing at Maria.

"DADDY! DADDY LOOK! Momma's eating FRUIT LOOPS!" Maddie giggled.

So to see her with the same look on her face made him smile, made him relax and feel at ease.

He then lead her out onto his deck that overlooked the pool and the beach in the distance. He couldn’t stop looking at her, couldn’t stop watching for her reaction like he was wanting to make sure she was still happy. That she wasn’t having any second thoughts about being here. Again, not that he expected that, but he just wanted her happy. He wanted her to feel excited, to feel cared for, to feel loved. And he wanted to be the one that made her feel all of those things. The voice in the back of his head telling him to stop all of this was much quieter, barely above a whisper now. Especially when she came back over to him. With her, all of the voices quieted. The heaviness that weighed on his heart from everything that happened in his life eased. The darkness in his mind faded. The light, instead, growing brighter. Stronger.

He smiled and nodded in agreement, raising his hand to gently cup her chin, tilting her head up just a little so he could lean down to place the softest kiss against her lips. “Mm, I’m happy doing anything with you, sweetheart.” He hummed against her lips and he meant it. There was something so intimate, something so romantic, about kissing her like this. Right here. On his deck with the ocean behind them. Like something out of a romance movie but better because it was real. It was them. He kissed her for a second longer before he pulled away. “Let’s go get changed.” He smiled, brushing his nose against hers.

“My bedroom leads out here, as well.” He gestured to the other nearby door. “But I have it locked from the inside.” He had a key for the main lock, but he had other locks that couldn’t be undone from the outside. So he led her back inside, grabbed her bag from the living room, and headed down the hall and into his bedroom.

He had a king sized bed on top of a large rug,with a bedside table on each side, parallel to the back door that led outside. The beach visible from his bed, the curtains open. He had a desk that had some papers on it, a tv with a couple of movies on the stand in the corner - one of them a movie Maria recommended to him several days ago - and some pictures of his family framed on the desk and his bedside table. A picture of him and his brother, him and his young nephew and all picture of his brother, nephew and sister in law. The open door near the tv led to the bathroom with a shower separate from the tub that was big enough for two. The bathroom, of course, beach themed. The other door his closet.

A feeling hit her all at once. This feeling of not being good enough, of not being right for him, sequestered in her apartment, in the halls of the university it was one thing. There was no reality to it, they were almost equal but here. Here the reality of it hit her. The way he'd had to sneak her out of university. She loved him. She really loved him but, here, stood in his house, his bedroom, that felt bigger than nearly her whole apartment, she suddenly felt the overwhelming thing of not being good enough for him.

Not old enough, not rich enough, not having her life together enough. Not smart enough, not the right life experience.

How would his brother, his sister-in-law, his nephew see her? Would they think she was a gold digger, would they think she was after his money? Would they see she wasn't good enough for him?

She nodded to his question but she'd completely missed it because her thoughts were spiraling out of control. She swallowed. "Uhm, yeah, yeah I'll change." She nodded and moved to her bag pausing as she held it, it was so broken, worn, like everything she owned. The thought overwhelmed her so she just picked up the whole thing and gave Horatio a slightly watery eyed smile as she went to the bathroom.

But he just… he wanted her to be okay, too.

He returned the kiss before disappearing into her bedroom to apply the jelly and put on a shirt. He stayed in there for a minute longer, just taking it all in. Her bedroom. He could see their bedroom, in their apartment, being just like this. Filled with books, some movie posters hanging on the walls, pictures of them on the mirror or scattered on the desk along with their college textbooks and school work. Their bedroom would definitely have more of Maria given she owned more than he did, and he was completely fine with that. He wouldn’t mind their bedroom being exactly like this, exactly like her.

Knowing he needed to get back downstairs and finish breakfast, Horatio left her bedroom. This time in a shirt and he headed back into the kitchen where he watched her for a moment, also imagining their kitchen, before approaching her from behind and kissing her shoulder. He frowned a little when she said the breakfast was nearly one, feeling bad that he hadn’t been able to finish cooking for her. If he hadn’t listened to her in the first place… he sighed and nodded. “I’ll get the juice. But next time I will make you the entire breakfast.” He kissed her shoulder again. “With a shirt.” He added with a chuckle before he moved away and pulled out two glasses from the cabinet. He filled them both with orange juice and set them on the table.

"No, thank you. I think I'm going to just got plain, let the egg and the bacon soak into it." Maria just wanted savoury this morning, she couldn't explain it, maybe fruit for something sweet later. "I might just have a little salt and pepper, oh, maybe a little hot sauce. Not a lot, but I saw on this cooking show the other week about it. I've been meaning to try it."

"I love the idea of cooking dinner with you, unless you want to do it all?" She teased. "There's stuff in the fridge, but we could always go out and get some extra things if we need them. Do you have anything in mind? We also have left over pizza for lunch."

"Someone, hm? And, um, who is that someone, exactly? Do I need to be concerned?" Horatio questioned with a raise brow, a slight growl in his voice. "Whoever this someone is, sweetheart, I hope they know..." His lips started to kiss down her jawline and to her neck, stopping just over her pulse point where the kiss turned wet. "that you..." then he moved up to her ear, stopping just below it, on that certain spot. "are mine." He finished, his words wrapped in a low, protective and even possessive growl. Then he returned to her lips and hummed happily at the kiss. "I love you, too." He murmured against her lips before he finally pulled away and headed downstairs.

Then he came back minutes later with everything in his arms. He chuckled at her compliment. "Years of experience at the lab, sweetheart." He grinned, carefully setting everything down. When working as a CSI, it was of the utmost importance to handle things delicately, sometimes having to carry multiple things at once. He smiled when she kissed his shoulder and nodded at her decision to start with girl names. "I've, um, I've flipped through some of the pages in here and I think I marked a couple of them, but a few names I've always thought were beautiful are.." He took a drink of the water and set it down, saying the first one. "Maria." Oh, he couldn't help himself with that one. Even gave her a cheeky grin.

"Oh you have, have you." Maria replied as he said he'd been looking through the books. She sighed softly giving him a look when he said her name. Shaking her head just a little as a blush dusted her cheeks.

"I like the first two, I'm not sure about Lillian, I might use my veto for that." Maria said wrinkling her nose, but she knew, they both knew. If Horatio really wanted it, there would be no way Maria could say no to him. No way she'd be able to deny him it. He could want to call their kid Marshmallow and she'd probably let him, okay, maybe not Marshmallow. She'd have to at least try to make sure the kid didn't get picked on because of a name.

When he asked about Maddie's name Maria looked up from the book she'd picked up and at him. The truth was, for Maddie she'd done all of this, looking through baby books. Reading endless names, looking back at some of her favourite books. She read meanings and looked up famous people who had that name. She'd done it all, alone. After she'd been put in the hospital though she hadn't had time, or the energy. She'd just been calling her sprout. Tough little sprout.

Maria decided to start there with telling Horatio, she didn't need to dampen the mood with the other stuff.

"I called her Sprout for a long time." Maria said, hand instinctively going to her belly. "Because I thought she was one tough Sprout, you know like the flowers that manage to survive in concrete and winter and the patio. And you just see that little sprout."

He listened to her talk about Portland, how that was somewhere in the U.S. she'd like to visit and he did hear good things about it, too, but it's when she mentioned bears that his brows furrowed in bewilderment. Did she just say bears? "Hold on, 'Ria. Bears?" He echoed, wanting to make sure he heard her right. "The cabins and trees, yeah, but... bears? Why bears?" He asked, head tilted, amused. "It's not like you'd be able to pet them and if we ever actually did get to stay in a cabin there, I'd personally prefer not having any bears around." He chuckled, shaking his head. If she meant seeing them from a distance, then sure, but even then, they'd have to be really careful. Now he was laughing a little more imagining Maria trying to sweet talk a bear cub like she could a cat or dog.

She turned the question on him and Horatio went quiet to think about it, but then the topic of her diary came up and he all but forgot that question because he was worrying about having overstepped by asking about it. Thankfully, she reassured him he hadn't and he nodded, relaxing. He'd never wanted to invade her privacy, or to make her feel like he had. "Harvey mentioned the boxing thing to me." He said, looking down at their hands. "Said if I... ever felt angry about my dad, that it might be a good outlet for me. I know there's one hanging in your garage, said it was his, but I just... I don't know. I feel angry sometimes, yeah, but I don't want to be that angry, you know? I don't, um," he swallowed. "I don't want to be like him." His voice quieted when saying that. It was a lingering fear, even though he was nothing like his dad. The complete opposite. Multiple people have said that to him. But still... he sighed and shook his head.

She needed to tell him about how Mrs Kawolski the librarian at school had told her she'd pay her to help re-organise the library for next year. It meant organising the books, learning about being a librarian and stripping out all of the displays. More importantly it meant even more money for the savings fund, plus she'd thought about asking if Gus needed help at the store. Even if it was just the odd shift here or there.

She mused on it for a minute but the conversation was moving onto holidays and when Horatio started to get on at her about the bears Maria rolled her eyes.

"No, of course I don't think I'm going to be able to pet them..." There was something in her voice that suggested she might have believed it a little bit. She did love animals after all, all of them, apart from pelicans. "I mean just to see them, like how you might see deer or birds." She knew she should probably feel silly about the idea of it but she just couldn't bring herself too. It was how she was, she believed that everyone, everything would be nice if you were nice to them... well... maybe for the most part.

When Horatio said he didn't want to be like his dad, Maria turned towards him, sitting up slightly and taking his face in his hands.

"You will never be like him Horatio, ever. You're the kindest, gentlest soul I know. I promise, you will never be like him. You don't have it in you." Maria smiled at him softly. "Boxing won't make you like him, Harvey isn't like him, Harvey does the boxing. It's just an outlet, like writing a diary." Maria reassured him. "The hitting the bag, it's not just about being angry. It's about getting energy out, so it might not be your angry. Harvey works out sometimes and does it if he's nervous. I guess it's kind of like basketball, just excersize you know."

The applause caught Maria off guard and she looked around laughing a little.