Level Up: Over 30 | she/her | NSFW content. Ship And Let Ship. A mess of a blog with transformers, LOTR, anime & manga, Star Wars stuff and occasionally fics by yours truly and some other things that amuse me.
I came here for the sentient gay robots that fought against each other in a millennium-long war, when the nipples were free, and gifs ran wild in reactions, when one could actually change the content of another person’s post freely and asks could not be reblogged.
It’s been a wild decade so far.
During that time some things have changed and some things have not. Old things have gotten new names, both good and bad. Have seen the rise and fall of fandoms, ship wars, and SUPERWHOLOCK, witnessed the porn ban migration, and how Tumblr has cost different companies several millions of dollars.
In this blog you’ll find transformers from various ‘verses, Star Wars stuff (TCW mostly), LOTR, and some other things that amuse me. I occasionally write fics based on some of these fandoms but grammar is my enemy.
My pfp is a crotch shot of a transformer wearing a garter (check out the tag ‘Axe’ or ‘kuuma kirvesmies’ and you’ll find the rest of him.)
My blog is LGBTQIA+ friendly. Now and always.
This is my corner in this dumpster fire and it’s my cozy place. This cozy place is definitely NSFW and has been from the very beginning. If there’s something in my content that you do not like, feel free to block me. Curate your own Tumblr experience but please leave mine to me.
I’ve been here for ten years and will be here for another ten years, if possible.
Oh, I also write fics. You can find them from here #valkeakuulas writes AKA butchers English grammar
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Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:
SHRIMP COCKTAIL:
banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol
generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is
#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro
And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!
POMEGRANATES:
zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple
thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute
sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.
FRUIT TREES:
zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''
salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE
baander: #cranberry trees
DOUGH/BATTER:
maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre
livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles
lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY
Some other topics:
ANIMALS:
catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear
piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave
pluto-lichen: horses
misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like
pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially
SEX:
dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.
dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”
SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:
thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad
shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze
sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon
alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices
dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.
the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes
typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy
draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices
11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note
fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is
emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣
NON-FOOD STUFF:
red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.
bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket
nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English
sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp
danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author
meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does
vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'
leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake
fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?
dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic
msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate
shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September
baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird
twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)
waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up
violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours
purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.
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k but imagine Rocky wanting to learn about how humans became the apex predators of their planet so he has Grace “hunt” him in the biodome as an experiment and during it he thinks Grace isn’t trying or taking it seriously which is bad bad bad because this is for research purposes
only for Rocky to get more and more tired as the experiment goes on just to realize that Grace isn’t which makes him panic so he puts as much distance as he can between them and finds a (hopefully) safe spot to sleep and when he wakes up the human is crouching over him like “got youuu” and Rocky has never shrieked so damn loud before in his life
if i can add a layer to this i wanna headcanon that Erid did have persistence predators way way back in the day but were regrettably hunted into extinction (back when their science was more underdeveloped. erid may be better than earth in a lot of aspects but they're not perfect)
so the idea of an animal/predator that follows you slowly until you have no choice but to risk sleeping or die from exhaustion is basically the eridian equivalent of a campfire story
so when Rocky returns home with an alien who's a persistence predator (more than that, a persistence predator that conquered their planet this way) it's like he revived some eldritch monster believed to have been vanquished
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Merclone Commander Fox in a break feeling like the only adult in the whole ocean 🦊🐟
Some senator‘s daughter turned into a twi-legged by witchcraft and went to the air 🧜♀️ A day like usual in subnautical Coruscant.
The tired merclone heard a tale about some magical black fluid that the twi-legged enjoy for refreshing and staying awake ✨
That sounds dangerous like Chancellor Polypine’s ink he’d spray, when he has a bad tentacle day. But on days like this Fox would absolutely give in to some Dark Ink of the Force 🙀🫧
I really, really wanted to write something for MerMay (and post my last two Jessix Week fics) but the last week and half been so draining, especially this week. ಥ_ಥ
Wednesday, the daycare held their spring party (the fuck is 'kevätjuhla' even in English) and yours truly was pretty much the ring leader of the whole thing.
Yesterday my group had our Final Big field trip that took almost the whole afternoon. The kids were true champions, tho.
Today am just tired and have a headache because of the stress from yesterday (and most likely from Wednesday as well).
Tomorrow me and some of my coworkers are going for a day cruise in Tallinn (that nerd shop in Telliskivi, please have something nice for me to buy once again),and I'll be home well after 10pm.
And then on Sunday will go to see friends and it'll easily take me an hour to get there and another hour back to get back home.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is LIVE right now
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I'm opening up commissions again, at least temporarily, and I've added pfp/avatar commissions, as well as updating other options and prices. If you're interested, here's the commission info in the video above:
Caco's Commission Information *Please be sure to read the entire info sheet before filling out a commission request* Status: OPEN Standard
