Valerie

Chao Phraya River, taken from a dinner cruise.

Let's run away to the dreamland,

while everyone's asleep at night.

-It’s not a race. I was always so bummed about the number of countries I’ve been to compared to other people my age until I understood that the number of places visited is not what traveling is about at all. It’s not important about how many places you’ve been but the depth you’ve explored them. I have been to some beautiful places all around the world that I am insanely grateful for. We can not compare our journeys to others.

-Read books you normally wouldn’t read. Question each line. Watch movies you normally wouldn’t go see. Study the cinematography. Order the meal on the menu you can’t pronounce. This is how you discover new parts of yourself.

-Take care of our earth. We are destroying it faster than we even know. Humans need places that have not been altered or rearranged by man.

-Simplify. Clean. Get rid of shit. We don’t need a lot to live. Oh, and, pack light.

-Walk barefoot. Harden the bottom of your feet. Wear less makeup and dress the way you want. Be comfortable with your natural body. Drink more water. Take care of yourself.

-You have the power to choose love. Love the sky, the stars, the animals, the people, the trees, the street corners. Always choose to love.

-Going alone is okay. If we all waited for someone to travel with us, we’d be waiting for a very, very long time. So, please go even if you have no one to go with. There are millions of people all over the world that are just waiting to meet you. Some of them you’ll meet in a hostel room and you’ll end up spending the night walking through the street markets, some of them you’ll meet at a bar and discover new corners of a city you didn’t know existed, some of them you’ll meet sitting on a bench at a bus stop and you’ll end up sharing the best coffee you’ve probably ever had, some of them you’ll meet watching the sunset on the beach and you’ll end up sharing stories and laughing with them until the morning and some of them will end up being your best friends. And sometimes you’re going to be alone and going on tours, to the movies, or to restaurants sounds scary to do by yourself at first but soon enough you’ll learn that it is completely okay to be alone. Solo does not mean lonely.

-Don’t say you don’t like anything until you try it at least three times.

-Save your change.

-Spend less time on social media. It’s no secret that social media is addictive and it’s really good at taking away precious moments. It’s important to not be glued to your phone or laptop while abroad. Social media will always be there for you when you get home.

-Traveling is overly romanticized. It is very hard work. It does not solve all your problems that you have at home. And traveling is not what it looks like on Instagram.

-When you’re eating, really taste your food. Talk to the locals. Immerse yourself fully into this new culture. When you’re out hiking, let go of your phone. This is how you’re going to get the best experience possible. Live in the moment.

-Take photos. It is physically impossible to remember all these moments in your life. Someday down the road, maybe when you’re feeling a little depressed or bored, you can grab your camera and scroll through these photos that’ll remind you of some of the best times of your life.

-It’s okay to look like a tourist. It’s cool to make mistakes. Don’t be afraid to ask a questions. If you make a mistake, do or say something offensive then and apologize and move on. Your life won’t be over.

-Cheesy souvenirs are never worth it. Collect sea glass, your train tickets, plane tickets, maps, stickers and coins. Chances are those colosseum magnets you bought in rome were really made in china. Support the locals if you’re going to buy souvenirs.

-People are good. I’m sure you’ve heard or experienced this before but the people with nearly nothing are the most giving. We can all learn something from them.

-The world is not as bad and scary as the news makes it out to be.

-Nothing will ever go as you expect it to. Plans go out the door. I learned this the hard way. In fact, I am sure every traveler has learned this the hard way. You’ll miss flights, you’ll get flat tires on road trips, you’ll end up spending a lot more money than you expected, you’ll miss buses, you’ll have to run to trains to get to them on time, I promise you’ll have a dead battery when all you want to do is call mom to make you feel better, the hostel you wanted will be full, your dumb airline will lose all your luggage, things will get canceled and you’ll spend many unexpected nights crying but despite all the struggles that traveling brings upon us, it is always worth it. The tears, sore shoulders and blistered feet are always worth it. There’s no point in getting mad that your plan fell through.

An audience member stopped World Science Festival host Jim Holt from speaking over physics professor Veronika Hubeny

So, after thinking about this over night, I’ve decided to share something that happened at the WORLD SCIENCE FESTIVAL yesterday afternoon in NYC that changed me. Or rather made me step into who I am in a larger way.

As some on my feed have seen, I was live-feeding the beginning of the panel discussion on FB. That panel was made up of some of the greatest and most famous minds in the world in Inflationary Cosmology, String Theory, Cosmology and Physics based Philosophy. The panel was made up of 5 men and 1 woman. And the moderator was a science writer and journalist for The New Yorker.

In the first hour of the panel discussion you can see clearly, if watching the video, that Veronika Hubeny, the only woman on the panel is barely given any opportunity to speak. And the Moderator, Jim Holt even acknowledges this.

In the last 20-30 minutes of the 90 minute discussion Jim Holt finally pushes the conversation to Hubeny’s field of expertise, string theory, and this is what ensued:

He asked her to describe her two theories of string theory that seem to contradict one another.

And THEN, without letting her answer, proceeded to answer for her and describe HER theories in detail without letting her speak for herself.

We could clearly see that she was trying to speak up. But he continued to talk over her and dominate the space for several minutes.

I should say that this panel was taking place in a large auditorium as it is an extremely high-profile and always sold-out event. And the panel discussion was being live-streamed across the world and they say that millions of people watch these videos after they are made public. (Which they already are).

So at this point, after seeing very clearly that she was not going to be given space to speak and in fact having her own theories described to the audience by the moderator, I am in full outrage. My body is actually beginning to shake. The sexism is beyond blatant. It is happening on stage and NO ONE, not a single other physicist or panelist is stepping in to say anything about it. And I can hear other audience members around me, both men and women becoming more and more agitated with what is happening. Jim Holt, even at one point, asks Veronica a question and she laughs because he has been answering his own questions about her work…and he makes fun of her for ‘giggling’.

So at some point while he is Still talking about Her theories, I just can’t handle it any longer.

With my hands shaking,

I finally say from my seat in the 2nd row of the audience, as clearly, directly and loudly as possible;

“Let. Her. Speak. Please!”

The moderator stops.

They all stop.

The auditorium drops into silence.

You could hear a pin drop.

And then the audience explodes with applause and screams.

Jim Holt eventually sat back, only after saying I was heckling him And he let her speak. And of course, she was brilliant.

———————–

So, the panel discussion ends.

My hands are still shaking. I’m still upset by the incredible sexism that has been demonstrated this afternoon. But I also realize that I just spoke up in an auditorium full of people that are listening to people that are considered gods in the international science world. I was just overwhelmed by it all

We get up to leave.

And then it happens.

Person after person come up to me. Both men and women.

The first woman, right behind me, reaches over and embraces me and says, “Oh my god. what you said was the most important thing that was said all day. Thank you. Thank you.”

And then people start filing out of their aisles and wind their way over to me:

“Was that you? Thank you so much for speaking up. Thank you.”

“Was that you? Oh god, what he was doing was horrific. Thank you. I wanted to do something but didn’t know how”

“Was that you? I wish I had the courage to say something, thank you! Thank you so much”

“Was that you? You said what everyone here was thinking. Look I had even been writing in my notebook what you eventually said (shows me his notebook with ‘let her speak’ written over and over.) But you said it. You said it. Thank you.”

“Was that you? Thank you! I felt so powerless to do anything.”

And on.

So we were all thinking this.

—- So I walked out. And my friend who was sitting about 8 rows behind me, came up to me with a huge grin and said “That was you, wasn’t it? Of course it was. YES!!!!! I will be telling this story for years.”

And the whole time, my hands are still shaking. And I’m felling light-headed. And I just want to scream out into the lobby “WHY IS THIS SEXISM STILL HAPPENING? WHY, does someone like me, with No status in that room, have to be so extraordinarily bold and speak up? And why was it so frightening to do so?”

And I’m thinking. “God, please god let this be an opening for those that were here today and the tens of thousands that watched the live-streaming of the panel yesterday and the hundreds of thousands that will watch the video this year- to speak up when we see this happening. And please let me not be afraid to do this again …and again …and again” Because it was scary.

Because the response to 13 Reasons Why has been so controversial, I’d just like to point out some things.

As explained in 13 Reasons Why: Beyond the Reasons, the suicide scene was shown BECAUSE they wanted it to be painful for the audience to watch, as well as the rape scenes. Not because they wanted to be gruesome or inconsiderate, but because it is REALITY for so many people in the world and a lot of people like to pretend these things don’t exist or shield themselves from the reality of it; they ignore it because they’ve never gone through it, so they don’t care so much. So then when they see these scenes, they will be made uncomfortable and see what people are really truly experiencing and that it is not something that should at all be sugarcoated or ignored. IT IS REAL.

Secondly, for those saying it’s disgusting for them to show these scenes, THERE ARE WARNINGS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODES THAT SHOW RAPE AND/OR SUICIDE TO NOT WATCH IF IT WILL AFFECT THE VIEWER IN ANY WAY. These warnings are given specifically so that if you are not comfortable watching or believe it would cause a trigger, you should not even watch. So the fact that people are bashing the show for showing these scenes in relation to them being a trigger, the warnings are already made very clear in the beginning. They did take this step to make sure it wouldn’t just pop up and be any sort of triggers. The producers knew very well to be wary of that. The show also worked with a lot of psychiatrists, psychologists, and leading experts in teen-suicide prevention. Though this still may not be enough for you to think they did everything right, they again did have the warnings. They are very aware that it could cause triggers and put some people in danger, but THAT IS WHAT THE WARNINGS ARE FOR. DO NOT WATCH IF IT COULD DANGER YOU. VIEWER’S DISCRETION IS ALWAYS ADVISED.

THE SHOW WAS NOT CREATED FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. IT IS TO SPREAD AWARENESS FOR ALL THE ISSUES (suicide, rape, bullying) AND POINT OUT HOW LITTLE THE SIGNS CAN BE AND HOW MUCH MORE CAREFUL AND HELPFUL EVERYONE IN THE WORLD NEEDS TO BE TO THE PEOPLE AROUND US. As also talked about in Beyond the Reasons, they want to promote teaching boys the proper ways to approach a girl and gain permission to become intimate with her, always getting the YES to teach boys respect for women. This is very important because as most people know, it has always been extremely hard for rape victims to get help because of the “what were you wearing” “were you flirting” “did you lead him on” “did you directly say no” arguments that are so wrongfully executed—instead, 13 Reasons Why knows that this is an issue, as somewhat shown in the scene with Mr. Porter as he questions Hannah. So in the after show, they speak about how parents need to be teaching their children more about consent and less about just protecting yourself, covering up, etc. They are aware that the real issue is with proper consent, and that is a very important message to get across.

Coming from someone who has battled depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts, I must also point out that EVERY SINGLE PERSON, EXPERIENCES, THOUGHTS, REACTIONS, ETC ARE DIFFERENT. What one person suffering depression thinks may be different than another. Hannah Baker’s story is very unique in many ways yet also extremely relatable in many ways to many, many people and girls around the world. JUST BECAUSE YOUR STORY MAY BE DIFFERENT DOES NOT MEAN HERS IS INCORRECT OR LESS/MORE THAN ANOTHER’S. There are a lot of people who can relate to feeling as though you are NOTHING and of no worth to the people around you, just a burden that only disappoints everyone and makes their lives worse. This is a very real state of being and depression and feeling of complete worthlessness that people can reach in their lives, especially some young teenage girls, like Hannah Baker, and even myself, that will lead to suicidal thoughts, attempts, or completely following through with, like Hannah. They believe the world and their loved ones would be better off without them. Again, as someone who has attempted suicide as a teenager and worked for years to fight depression and overcome it, I can say that while the suicide scene did make me uncomfortable and was extremely painful to watch, I was not offended. I knew of the warning at the beginning of the episode, read it, and continued to watch because EVERYONE HANDLES THESE THINGS DIFFERENTLY. I UNDERSTOOD the purpose of including the scene and making it so graphic and realistic. IT’S REALITY, THIS IS HAPPENING TO PEOPLE EVERYDAY AND IT SHOULD NOT BE SUGARCOATED OR SHIELDED FROM THE WORLD; it needs to be made more AWARE OF by those who like to turn a blind eye to it, but it is exposed WITH WARNING. So again, if some feel as though a scene like this would be a trigger, IT IS ADVISED YOU DO NOT WATCH. Everyone is affected differently and they did not just insert it with no consideration for the affect it could have on those battling the same wars as Hannah.

To say Clay was an easy solution and could have saved Hannah by loving her—no, he could not have saved her by just loving her, that is not what this story is even saying. Hannah does explain at the end of her last tape as she exits the school that some people cared, but she felt it was only mediocre, not enough for her to want to stay and feel NEEDED and truly LOVED. So no, they are not saying Clay could have kept her alive by simply loving her, or that love can save someone, it is much more complex than that. What they are saying is that people can care, but not showing how much they truly care can affect someone in the ways it affected Hannah. It was not just one boy’s love that could have saved her, but the love and care of many people, for them to show that they truly cared about her being alive and DID NOT see her as worthless, an object, just another person on earth. She needed to feel as though they NEEDED her to stay, that they genuinely cared about her as a person and that her life was truly worth something, because she did not feel it was. When Clay says he could have kept her alive if he wasn’t so afraid to tell her he loved her, he simply means he could have given her a sense of hope, a sense of belonging on the earth, that someone truly, whole-heartedly valued her life and her as a human being, not an object.

The actress who plays Jessica also explained that she reached out to a family member who is an actual rape survivor, and she stated that she was pleased that the show was “not shying away from the ugliness” of these scenes because viewers will see what these people really go through–again, another topic that is usually sugarcoated and instead needs to be addressed.

13 Reasons Why is a unique way of telling the story of a teenage girl who committed suicide, and the reasoning for bringing it to screen was MOSTLY to promote awareness and shine light on things that are not talked about enough that the youth suffers every single day, things adults see as “normal teenager struggles,” “small stuff,” “it only feels like the end of the world and really isn’t,” etc. This show is being spread more than even expected, and that is a very good thing for those who are in need of help and have parents or peers that once ignored their problems and will now tend to them.

**an issue cannot be tended to/made aware of/more properly prevented if it is just sugarcoated rather than slapped in people’s faces (those who don’t realize how severe it is) like this show does. it can really change things and leave an impact.

**if you are at risk for triggers and do not feel you are currently healthy enough to watch this show, please take care of yourself and do not watch. or, skip episodes 9, 12, and 13 and read up on them instead. these are the episodes that can be triggers for those at risk, if you weren’t yet aware.

I have been talking with a friend (many friends actually) about the difference in Fandom and Fans, and the difference in how both are viewed depending on your position.

Let’s start with us.

From our perspective, we are fans and we are fandom.  We are in it, we are both fans and fandom.  We see each other, we are individuals in a group.  Separate.  Gathered together.

But step out one level…..move to the viewpoint of cast and crew.

For them Fandom is the thing.  There is Fandom, composed of fans, but we aren’t known, our individuality gets blurred.  There is the odd voice here and there, and those voices come to represent the larger group.  They know fan groups, and maybe one or two individual fans based on the things they have done, but by and large we are “fans”.  Faceless, but important.  We are many to their one.  

Take a much larger step out.  Imagine yourself as Albrecht, Malone, TPTB, PR.  To them, Fans and Fandom are the same thing.  We are an entity.  A means to an end.  We are not individuals.  We are a tool.  Fandom does things.  Fandom votes, fandom retweets, fandom trends. Fandom shares stories and gossip (even those groups that say they forbid it).

And for them (and it is actually true), fandom is a fluid and changing thing.  Fans cycle out.  They get bored, jaded, have seen it all.  They lose interest.  They start being fans of other shows.  The become the enthusiastic fans of the other show that they used to be for Outlander.   And as far as Outlander goes, new fans come in.  They want/need new blood in the Fandom.  New blood hasn’t been through the ringer.  New blood is fresh and raring to go.  Put me in Coach!

So, do they care if fans leave?  Not really.  Because they are less concerned about retention.  They are more concerned about getting new customers.

Like your internet provider.  If you sign up now for a 2 year contract you get a tv, or a tablet, or an xbox.  New people get the perks.  New people don’t see the poor service or the faulty equipment.