Crafting a Personality and Capitalising on it
How do we craft a personality that is socially charming yet true to our roots?
How do we mingle and meet new people without feeling awkward or shy about it?
How do we not lose ourselves while following all these blah blah etiquette rules?
Welcome to part 2 of my Chic Girl Mentality series. đ¤
Today, we will focus on crafting a personality that is still you but better.
First, letâs talk about people in social settings. Youâll meet people who are confident, secure and socially charming. Youâll meet quiet people who may be equally socially charming or just very shy and conscious. Youâll meet the braggers and the doe-eyed followers. Thereâs a lot of different types of people in the world and knowing how to gracefully navigate most of them is nothing but a learned art.
People, regardless of their bank balance, are insecure of what they do not have yet. This can be looks, money, experience, lifestyle, and so on. How do we capitalise on this without exploiting or manipulating anyone?
By knowing how to tell a story.
That doesnât mean that you need to become a public speaker or politician, it just means that you need to be able to craft intriguing stories about yourself, using your own life and experiences, to âsellâ an interesting version of you socially.
Weâre all interesting people but only a few of us know how to say that weâre interesting without saying that weâre interesting.
People, even those with money, will always be more attracted to those who have experiences, especially, unique ones. Whether itâs travelling to exotic locations or trying new culinary destinations, or wearing unknown designers, knowing obscure artists or writers, or being at the top of your industry⌠experience is the most important thing to cultivate first.Â
You already have experience. If you went to school, high school, college, joined clubs, your first job, any travelling, etc - these are all experiences.
Make a list of 5 of the most interesting experiences you think you have.
Have a couple of lowkey hobbies that you feel enthusiastic about. Whether itâs doing some charity work on Sundays, or cooking, or pottery, whatever it is, keeping a hobby is healthy.Â
There should be something to you that an acquaintance can remark about: âCSB? Oh yes, Iâve heard that sheâs a great dancer.âÂ
Certain vulnerabilities must never, ever be shared. It will 100% be used either as gossip or blackmail.Â
However, coming across as someone with no weaknesses is rather untrustworthy- it makes the other person feel that youâre clearly hiding something.Â
Make a list of vulnerabilities that are small and you donât mind sharing. These should be vulnerabilities that will never ruin your reputation in any form but can be used as a form of bonding with empathy.Â
And make a list of hard core vulnerabilities you know you should never share with anyone. Keep it memorised rather than written down.Â
Experience + Hobbies or Interests + Safe Vulnerabilities = Personality
Now that you have some experience, hobbies, interests, and your âsafeâ vulnerabilities sorted even if itâs limited - what will make it stand out is the art of storytelling. Some storytellers can make even the most mundane experiences sound magical - itâs all in the words and delivery. Thereâs a reason why every Holy Book is a story, packed with lessons and morals - itâs impactful, easy to remember and recall and relatable. Craft your experiences into stories. Use those 5 experiences that you noted down and start writing them down as stories.
Take up an online storytelling class or watch videos. Start honing this skill by writing and reading good literature.Â
Refine your 5 experiences further. Run it through chatGPT, say them out loud and most importantly- start testing them out on people. See what makes them chuckle and what doesnât; what makes them empathise and what doesnât.
A famous comedian whose name I canât remember does the same thing. He creates his set. He goes to a small pub and tries it out on the audience there. And the first set is always the first. The audience may not laugh at his jokes, they might boo him or sometimes, he might get a laugh out of them. But every time, he goes home and refines his set further. Once his set is fully refined, and he accomplishes his goal of the audience peeling with laughter at every joke, thatâs when he goes on national TV / on tour etc etc.
The most important thing is to craft your stories of your experiences in a way that it delivers the value you want the person to remember about you.
For instance, if I want to be seen as creative and innovative, I wonât tell the person in front of me, âoh, Iâm soo innovative and creative!â
Rather I will weave that into a story. âWhen I was 24, at my first job in the advertising space, we were losing clients left and right. And one weekend, I was on a trek on the mountains - itâs one of my hobbies - this idea hit me, and I suddenly knew exactly how to get our clients back. My team was hesitant about my idea, and we got a lot of pushback, but we went ahead. The night before my launch I was so nervous, I got hardly sleep. And you wonât believe it, but the idea worked! The response was fantastic.â
Let the other person come to the conclusion of you being innovative and creative. Human beings love to deduce things and jump to conclusions and provided you set the context the right way, you should be able to project the version of you that is the best part of you.
A sign of a good education- even if you donât have it - is a diverse vocabulary. Iâve always had a little more respect and awe for those who are articulate, can speak smoothly and speak confidently. Iâve noticed that my American friends, for instance, tend to talk fast with lots of filler words, and sentences tend to end with a pitch up instead of down, which to me indicates hesitation or indecision. Speaking slower, ending your sentences with pitch going down to indicate a full stop rather than up makes you seem like a refined speaker even if your subject is utterly stupid.Â
Body language and mannerisms, social interactionÂ
Watch old classic Hollywood movies to really understand this - especially romantic ones. Choose ones with a femme fatale or siren-like female lead, and watch how she enraptures the male lead or the audience around her.Â
A combination of fantastic storytelling and body language will take you places beyond your dreams. Some of the biggest frauds, scammers, politicians, criminals are also some of the best storytellers. Humans are attracted to stories, we pick up body language intuitively, we can sense when someone is nervous or isnât. Unfortunately the world isnât a kind place and will not necessarily help you out of your shyness- in fact, that might just make you the best target for exploitation.Â
Storytelling + Vocabulary + Body Language = Your Best Personality
