Idea I randomly had that will not leave me alone:
Robert gets knocked up before his coma, but he didn't know. He maybe suspected something was wrong, but was too busy/too broke to really investigate, so he ignored it. He still doesn't know about it when he wakes up, but only because he left the hospital before they had the chance to tell him.
Robert just, never figures it out. He assumes the weight gain (Visi's dad bod comments are very true) and nausea is a coma thing, blames his mood swings on brain damage, and everything happens like in canon.
Then a few weeks into dispatching, Robert wakes up just feeling like something's wrong, but he can't figure out what. All he knows is that he's feeling random cramps and a lot of weird pressure. It gets so bad by the time he gets home that he decides to just sleep off what he assumes is the worst stomach ache of his life, then boom! Surprise baby.
Robert just assuming every symptom is a side-effect of his recent coma + mid-air explosion is very on-brand for him.
There is actually a number of conditions that can make detecting a pregnancy difficult. Ex: PCOS/PMOS, hormonal imbalances, If a person is born with an inverted uterus, if the placenta presents anterior (towards the front), incompetent doctors, etc...
Years of medical issues, scattered HRT, injuries, and exposure to dangerous materials; left Robert (and doctors) just assuming he couldn't become pregnant without fertility assistance.
+Robert, AFAB or a cursed/magically-affected AMAB person, also likely had a little mental block of denial.
So when Robert wakes up with bloating, nausea, brain fog, and difficulty timing bathroom breaks - he blames the coma.
Robert expects the "dad bod" comments. Since his crash his muscles have atrophied, replaced with soft fat derived from his love of cream-filled sweets.
Hilarity ensues if the birth occurs during a very tense portion of the story.
Like say... Post-Episode 5.
Robert is in a bad place mentally and physically.
Sharing his secret identity with the Z-Team brought them closer together - all except the one he had the most history with. He's pretty sure Flambae would have scorched him if Golem and Waterboy didn't intervene. What's more is that the hothead's best friend, Prism aka Alice, hasn't been able to get in contact with him since that fateful night.
Then came the failed Proto Pulse test.
He doesn't blame Royd for what happened. If anything, Robert should have used a dummy instead of himself.
It would have saved him fourteen hours.
The medical staff wanted to keep Robert under observation, but all he wanted to do was get back to work.
The bottle of scotch acts as decent pain relief when the contractions start.
Robert strips down into his birthday suit, hoping that a lukewarm bath will soothe the aches and pains.
The pain keeps coming, increasing with intensity in waves.
Robert thinks he probably should have stayed in medical after all.
The final straw is when he feels a gushing sensation and a trickle of blood starts to paint the water.
Grasping blindly, he grabs his phone from his discarded pants and calls Chase.
Robert, seething through a wave of pain: "Ch- Chase?"
Chase, instantly worried: "Robert? You okay, kid?"
Robert, taking breaks to breathe: "I'm not... feeling so good. Think I should have... fuck!"
Chase, serious: "Robert, where are you right now?"
Robert: "My place. Bathroom."
Chase: "Hang tight, I can get a ride asap. Stay on the line with me."
Robert: "No, Chase... I need to talk to him first."'
Chase: "Talk to who first? Robert who-"
Robert: (*hangs up, scrolling through the Z-Team's work contacts*)
The phone rings for a solid minute before the recipient decides to answer.
Flambae: "What the fuck Robert?! You can't be trying to apologise before I come over, I didn't plan for that!"
Robert: "Why would you...? Never mind. I just really want to say that I'm... sorry for taking your fingers. Sorry for putting you in jail and shit. But I'm not sorry for stopping you from destroying yourself."
Flambae, analysing his voice: "...How drunk are you?"
Robert: "About most of a bottle of Bourbon Whiskey."
Flambae: "A-allah... takes you over five years and a high blood alcohol content for you to say anything about it."
Robert: "Also I think I might be dying right now..."
Flambae: "WHAT!?"
Robert, getting light-headed: "I took a bath and now there's blood... I called Chase... he's picking me up."
Flambae: "Call an ambulance, you idiot!"
Robert: "Can't afford an ambulance."
Flambae: "Then you can't afford a funeral either, bitch! Where's your apartment - I'm getting there first!"
Robert mumbles his address and unit number as another wave of pain causes him to cry out loud enough to echo off the cheap tiled walls.
Flambae is ultimately the first to arrive - melting the lock off the balcony door so he can burst in to his foe's aid.
Upon assessing Robert's condition, the ex-villain's face turns from furious worry to utter confusion.
Flambae: "Heyyy, Bob-Bob? Any chance you could be pregnant?"
Robert: "Not to my knowledge, why?"
Flambae: "Because you're dilated as shit, bro. I think all the bloody stuff is like, amniotic fluid."
Robert, half-delirious from pain and drunkenness: "Wha...?"
By the time a very worried Chase (nearlt breaks his "no more running" rule) + Z-Team burst into the apartment; Flambae is standing in Robert's bathroom holding a newborn baby with a first aid kid scattered across the floor. Robert himself naked and mildly drunk in the bathtub.
Sheer confusion all around.
Robert: "Oh hey. When did you get here?"
Flambae: "They literally showed up just now."
Robert: "Nah, I meant her." (*boops baby's nose*)
Fourth Gen Robertson: (*also looking very confused*)
It becomes a very eventful housewarming-turned-hospital trip.
Flambae not-so-subtly suggests he should get naming rights to the baby so "It can all be a bridge underwater." Robert agrees, despite the mangled metaphor.
"Zarmina Robertson" is a healthy 36 weeks, a little skinny, and overall seems equally puzzled on how she got here in one piece.
