vaindreams

          ❛             i dinna ken what y' mean.            ❜          jamie's answer was curt , clipped , fixing john with a hard stare through shaggy bangs as he leaned back in his seat , hands comfortably folded along his stomach. he knew the look. he saw it reflected daily in john's face , a look of absolute devotion , of a love that had only grown since ardsmuir. he knew his wasn't as glistening , as desperately hopeful , but he'd be lying to himself if he didn't acknowledge his own feelings , as complex as they were. john had given him back his life , or well , a version of it. freedom , a luxury he never thought he'd have again.

yet here he was , appearing late at night at his print shop , up to some business in town , but his first stop had to be jamie. blue eyes fall , frustrated as he stared at the well used chessboard resting between them , plucking at a stray cloth fragment at the hem of his vest , weathering it beneath his thumbnail as he chewed at his inner cheek.          ❛             your move , milord.            ❜          he murmured , lifting his gaze to peer at the other man through his lashes. it was easier to deflect , to hide. no half living , broken version of himself would be worthy of anybody , john gray included.

⠀ he swallows, brushing the memory aside, and tilts his head, brows arching. he has changed since then; they both have. the interest john had had in jamie then had been...superficial, at best. informed by his own loneliness. he'd been attracted to jamie's intelligence, of course, and his wit. his stalwart leadership, his bravery...his physique. how could he not be? even battered in dirt and poorly fed, jamie had been one of the most beautiful people john had ever seen.

⠀ "no?" john watches jamie for a long moment, then allows his attention to be redirected to the chessboard. he rests his fingertips on his bishop, then reconsiders, pushing forth his knight instead.

⠀ john has been a sodomite from the moment of his birth. he has had thirty-odd years to learn the variations of a man's gaze, to decipher a stranger's intentions solely based on unspoken currents of desire. he has seen that desire in jamie's eyes enough times to feel confident in his assessment of it.

⠀ but there is something else there, too. uncertainty—fear. john sees it in the nervous fidget of jamie's fingers, the way he dips his chin to hide behind the copper fringe of his hair. he hopes it is not fear of him—of john—that stays jamie, but something else. something they might overcome.

          ❛             ah - ! christ , woman , what the devil do you have in that bottle ?!            ❜          jamie was no stranger to pain , but still , the concoction she poured over the wound on his shoulder burned so deep into the meat of his muscle he swore he saw stars. he flinched , drawing his limb instinctually closer , before throwing her an exasperated glance.          ❛             it was redcoats , sassanach. who else would bother ?            ❜          they'd been ambushed a town over , he & dougal. while his uncle escaped with mild scrapes , jamie bore the brunt of what was a fortunate blowback of the englishman's pistol. it had exploded in his hands , though the buckshot tore through jamie's skin , leaving him a lot more bloody than he would like.

still , claire's hands were gentle , feverish in their need to hunt for a worse area of the wound , though careful as to not anger the pain further. whatever she'd splashed on him still stung , leaving the scotsman to exhale a quivering pant through his teeth , reaching out his good hand to touch the woman's wrist , running his thumb across her pulse & searching her face with a hunger that seemed to gnaw at him from the inside out. he loved it when she looked at him.          ❛             i'm fine. truly. i dinna ken what might've happened if that soldier had fired proper , but .. m' alright , lass.            ❜          

⠀ she sets the bottle of whiskey down on the table with agitated force and snatches up a clean coil of white bandages, her fingers restless over the linen until she is stilled by jamie's touch, which washes through her with all the force of a narcotic. his calloused thumb is warm against the soft skin of her inner wrist, dragging over the pronounced ridges of her carpal bones and the quick throb of her heartbeat, and she has to fight the urge to shiver.

⠀ "no," she bites out, hating herself for the rapidity of her pulse—that she should be so affected by a near stranger's single touch. "you don't know." she tugs her wrist from his grip but doesn't break his gaze, crushing the bandages in her fist as she glares at him. anger is a coal in her stomach, burning through vulnerable viscera until smoldering frustration is all that remains.

[ BANDAGE ] : sender bandages a wound on receiver.

[ GUIDE ] : sender puts a hand on he receiver's back to guide them somewhere.

[ WAVE ]: sender waves down receiver to get their attention.

[ SIGN ]: sender raises their hand to sign to receiver. what follows can be anything the sender desires.

[ LIFT ]: sender lifts receiver's chin to look at them.

[ LIGHT ]: sender lights receiver's cigarette/candle/etc.

[ FIND ] : sender finds receiver beaten and/or bloodied.

[ PIN ]: sender pins receiver against the wall during combat/sparring.

[ GET DOWN ]: sender tackles receiver out of the way of danger.

[ TAKE ]: sender takes a hit meant for receiver.

[ CAUGHT ]: sender finds receiver somewhere they aren't supposed to be.

[ TRAP ]: sender traps the receiver somewhere they don't want to be.

[ DARLING ]: sender touches receiver's cheek.

[ SNATCH ]: sender snatches receiver's wrist as they turn to go.

[ STAB ]: sender stabs receiver.

[ DRAG ]: sender drags receiver from point a to point b.

[ SIT ]: sender sits on receiver's lap.

[ EN GARDE ]: sender and receiver get into some kind of fight.

[ DRUNK ]: sender finds receiver drunk.

[ BLOOD ]: sender walks into receiver's room covered in blood.

[ FLOWER ]: sender offers a flower to receiver.

[ HOLD ]: sender reaches to hold receiver's hand.

[ BRUSH ]: sender brushes a strand of hair out of receiver's face.

[ NOTE: ] sender writes a note for receiver. the contents are whatever the sender decides.

[ EYES ]: sender notices receiver looking at them.

[ STOP ]: sender raises hand to signal the receiver to stop in place.

[ TAP ]: sender taps receiver on the shoulder to get their attention.

[ WAKE ]: sender gently wakes receiver from a nap or otherwise.

[ MORNING AFTER ]: sender and receiver wake up together for the first time after a night of passion.

[ BLANKET ]: sender drapes a blanket over receiver's shoulders.

[ HUDDLE ]: sender and receiver huddle together in an effort to stay warm.

[ TUG ]: sender pulls receiver away from them.

[ PUSH ]: sender pushes receiver away from them.

OUTLANDER 7.15