Doctor!Sevika who expects you to answer her questions no matter what you’re doing.

You’re surveying the severity of a life-threatening situation, walking around the gurney with practiced ease as Sevika strides in, watching like an overseeing hawk.

“What med do we give them?” She questions you directly, pulling on a pair of gloves and letting them snap against her thick, bruising fingers as she walks over.

“Epinephrine 1:10,000, one milligram for cardiac arrest.” You didn’t look up at her.

“Correct.”

Doctor!Sevika who smokes outside of the hospital by the ambulances at bay. She liked the nicotine rush. Liked the feeling of the smoke grazing her lungs despite knowing in depth what it did. Or maybe—just maybe, she liked when you would come out for a break, panting as if you were on the midst of a breakdown, and immediately straighten up when you see her, aiming to make a dry joke about her addiction to smoking beneath it all.

“Smoking, doctor?” You managed to catch your breath, making the words come out slippery and airless. “Thought you’d know better…” you shot her a sheepish smile—one that was supposed to be teasing, but your face was too exhausted in pouting lines to move sharply into real amusement.

“None of us know better in reality, we chose to work here, after all.” Sevika scoffed, though you saw—or hoped, and begged, that your words landed right as you saw her upper lip twitching north momentarily.

Doctor!Sevika who never lets you break news to a patient’s loved one’s alone. She can see the hollowness prolonging your face after losing a patient. One as young as a teenager—she sees the familiar blame, the guilt—the nauseating shame of needing to do something more than you could have done. It was a baggage she had learnt to leave at doors.

Doctor!Sevika who takes up a lot of space in the ER, bouncing between rooms like she was made to save lives. Despite the scrubs she wears, hiding any trace of body underneath, stethoscope loose around the neck, she never fails to be everywhere all at once, even if you told yourself that wasn’t possible.

Doctor!Sevika who never lets you overwork yourself.

Your arms ache, pain springing through it like stabbing needles from the chest compressions that never seemed to bring back even a faint pulse. Sweat created a sheen like layer over your skin, reflecting fluorescent light like a beam of a flashlight. The patient’s face becomes blurry in front of you, chapped lips—blood stained across their face. You couldn’t lose another one. Couldn’t afford anymore blood on your hands for the sake of your sanity.

Your fingers trembled, echoed voices directing information before a familiar one cut through.

“Switch. Now.”

You looked up swiftly. Your breathe staggered, head shaking.

“I’m fine.” You retorted back sharply, letting out a pant.

“This isn’t about you this is about the patient. You’re losing quality. Laura, switch with her now.” She waved her hand dismissively towards you, another doctor moving past you as you stumbled back. Her words were harsh and cold, but nothing could match her eyes landing onto yours amongst the storm.

“Take ten.”

“I’m fine.” You repeated, stepping closer to the end of the patient as your eyes scanned over them again.

Whatever Sevika was thinking behind her grey eyes; it was clear she wasn’t having your refusal. She stepped closer—dangerously close, intimately close, brushing a hand against your arm.

“I said take. Ten.”

Doctor!Sevika who started driving you home after your shifts has finished. You were waiting for another nurse to sign off for the day, leaning against the car-park as the weariness of the day that had burrowed itself deep within you starting to slither out.

You let out a tired sigh, the loneliness of the shifts always felt daunting after losing a patient. But it was inevitable. You heard the same lines everyday.

‘It’s not your fault.’

‘Don’t let it get to you.’

‘Leave the baggage when you come through the door.’

‘You did all you could. There’s nothing more you could’ve done.”

But that gnawing hollowness inside of you was interrupted by a flash of head-lights. You looked up, seeing that familiar stature with gripped fingers against the steering wheel.

Sevika.

She didn’t speak—didn’t bother to roll down her windows against the soft patter of the rain, only nodded her chin towards the passenger seat, unlocking the car with a subtle click.

Doctor!Sevika who , very dangerously, lets the line slip between professional and unprofessional. One too many times she’s dropped you off now, and each time she does she keeps getting closer and closer to your apartment, walking you in—taking a coffee for herself, smoking outside despite the winds disallowing the lighter to work for several minutes. It becomes to a point where you just invite her in. You were exhausted. Drained. Witnessed two deaths while the other three became your own. A busy day for the ED meant your barriers lowered, seeking out a warmth you thought you’d never get—which was undeniably Sevika. And after long, lilting glances, an emergency room made up of your equally as short glances and awaiting praise from Sevika, the tension became a presence the whole department could feel.

Doctor!Sevika who had to have you. Little visits became more profound. Her keys sometimes left on the side of your nightstand—her bag left at the front of the house, and her strap she purposely left at home for you to use left tangled on the bed.

Ever since things got serious—and you were occasionally switched out for night shifts, Sevika became almost snappy with the rest of the staff when she couldn’t order her favourite little thing around. Instead, during breaks—she’d FaceTime you, already expecting you to be up, and coerce you into angling the phone just right where she could see you bouncing on her strap, whining like a pathetic mess for her.

“Sevvy…come home,” you whimpered out, squishing your own breast as you heard her suck up a deep breath on the other side. But you were meant with a perilous coldness that felt too personal just for you.

“Tch. You have a lot of audacity, love.” She drawled, watching the phone. “Be a good girl and fuck yourself f’me. yeah baby?”

Doctor!Sevika who insists on doing ‘pelvic exams’ on you.

You know you’re soaking. She knows it as well. And yet you still drag your soddened panties down, wiggling off your trousers to kick them to the side.

“Part your legs.” Sevika hummed, letting her fingers skim over your upper-thigh, trailing further inwards towards the heat radiating off of you.

“Your pussy has no self control, does it?” Her steel eyes snapped to your face, her fingers sliding through your folds, collecting the slick there. “Not around me, anyways.” She smirked crookedly, letting her thumb rub slow circles on your clit.

You breathe hitched, hips pistoning forward against her fingers. So cold. Always so rigid like frost over your usually-warm body. “Sev..” you whined—a sound that reverberated from wall to wall.

“Tender, sweetheart?” She moved forward, easing two fingers into your weeping hole as they stuffed your cunt until they were full with her fingers. She knew exactly where to hit—how to hit, how to push and pull her fingers inside of you, watching you leak deliciously around her. “So sensitive for me…you have a thing for your attending, darling?” She shook her head, smirking to herself, before she wiped it off her face completely.

“How unprofessional.” She tutted, smacking your pussy as quick as her fingers had just entered you. “I’m just doing an exam, love.”

Doctor!Sevika who is always moaning at you to do your charting. You always want to skim around the generic work—but being more hands on meant recording everything else much frequently in bigger chunks. And you hated it…occasionally. The only reason you wouldn’t hate it was because it got Sevika’s attention. She turned to behind you, giving you an expecting look that meant trouble for later if you didn’t do as she said.

Doctor!Sevika who lets you break down in her arms after you’ve suppressed everything all day. She’s warm—feels like home beneath muscles you rarely got to see.

“Sh sweet thing, you did well f’me today.” She mumbled into your neck, her breathe warm against it as your frame trembled against her.

“I did well? I-I lost…I-“ you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. Words that felt too heavy even grief couldn’t compete in that moment. A feeling of utter despair.

“Who you lost doesn’t equal to your performance. Even then, you were excellent.”

Doctor!Sevika who occasionally breaks down with you. Sevika is a tough women who prides herself on staying composed no matter the situation, but whenever kids and children where involved, and loss followed, it always seemed to be the burrow of her day.

“I…” the warm lighting of your apartment lamp glowed directly onto Sevika’s face, smoothing away the prominent lines that would usually be there. And even then, the melancholy engulfing her features was hard to miss. “I had two patients. One six. One ten years older,” she swiped the edge of her nose with her thumb, leaning forward, elbows planted atop her knees. “Sisters, in a bad car crash.”

You stayed silent in these moments. It was rare an attending would break like this, especially someone like Sevika. Her voice was hoarse, unmistakable shakiness erasing the roughness of it.

“Couldn’t save them.” She finished—grey eyes like dull clouds hugging the floor ground, the tilt of her head avoiding the chase of light, bringing back those harsh lines that was like a remnant of the ED taken home with her.

You watched her hunched figure, eyes passing between the side of her face glowing in the light, and the other side shielded by the past.

“Sev,” you whispered—a nickname you gave her, even at work where other med students teased you about it, slipping from your tongue as you moved from the opposing sofa to sit next to her. But now the nickname felt more intimate. Felt more reserved for you and her only. “I know…” you let out a little empty laugh, faking flat in the air around. “I know you’ve heard this…so many times but..” you gulped, looking towards her. “I mean..I know I have but…it’s not your fault. You did everything you could’ve possibly done.”

You expected her to scoff. Expected her to roll out a cigarette that would burn her lungs into numbing her emotionally—but it didn’t come. Nothing came. Except for one sentence.

“You know, I only believe it when you say it.”

Doctor!Sevika who makes you exam her body late after shifts—night hitting the bar when you’re both alone in the apartment. You’re stripped of your clothes, wanting to writhe and moan atop of her as she lays before you, in the same state of undress.

You started at her neck—going into the anatomy, the potential problems—the way it works, all the while she kept a vibrating buzzing against your pussy

“Focus.” She’d snap, watching you try to grind down against her. “How are you going to be a doctor if you can’t focus under pressure?”

Doctor!Sevika who notices your self-destructive behaviour after a particular gruelling day. You don’t know how many patients you’ve lost across an almost fifteen hour-shift, but the day came together into one solid thing; pure turmoil. Drinking. Self harming. Pushing and pulling against her. No matter what though, Sevika will always be there for you.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She’d stand firmly in your apartment, watching tears travel down your face as if racing against each other. “If you think this will make me leave, you obviously believe I’m in the wrong profession.”

Doctor!Sevika who loves washing the grime off of your body after a long day. You’re half asleep, eyes half-lidded as she kneads your breast beneath her palm.

And you just let her. You let this older woman—with more experience than you and others combined, wash away the troubles on your body. It’s only when she trails her kisses down your body, ending up at your clit where she eagerly makes out with it, so you fully wake up.

“Mm…sweet girl.” She’d groan against you. “Sweetest thing i’ve had all day.”

Doctor!Sevika who rarely teases you when you’re both working. She’s focused—the same stern doctor who you had a crush on before all the confrontation, and it’s only occasionally where her warnings come off as a promise for what she’ll do to you later.

Doctor!Sevika who never lets any other attending or patient doubt you.

“Are you sure she should be doing this-“

Sevika cuts them off without so much as acknowledging them, scrubs heavy on her skin. “Do it.” She nods towards you, before leaving the room to supervise elsewhere.

Doctor!Sevika who loves the late-nights of eating takeaway and binge-watching a tv show when you both can’t sleep. You both know the reason why. In and out of shifts without a wink of sleep would do that to you sometimes—and the trauma of the hospital sometimes haunted your home.

Doctor!Sevika who will finger you to sleep, mumbling about some, ‘I can’t have my favourite resident lacking sleep. Rest, sweetheart.’ All while her fingers gently coerce you to sleep, cooing against that sweet spot inside of you that made you melt to mush.

Doctor!Sevika who knows when you’re trying to deflect the pain after a shift. You both ended up at your apartment again, the door slamming shut as a thickening silence comes through the home.

“Sev?” You looked up, pulling the bag of your back as you grasped onto her wrist, pulling her into a kiss that felt too demanding, even for you.

She raised an eyebrow for a moment, sliding her lips over your own before she pulled back—the taste of coffee and a shared cigarettes lingering on your tongues.

“Not now, sweetheart. Let’s get some food in you, yeah?” She sees your fingers trembling, but you reluctantly let go of her, eyes watering as she leads you through your own home with practised ease. “I want to, trust me I do. But you need to process this.”

Doctor!Sevika who never lets you out of her sight during work after hearing about you losing another patient. She’s like a constant camera tracking you, telling you to ‘take ten’, ‘take five’, to ‘go home’ when it got too much. She cared too much, and it ended up being the thing that softened her fully.

Doctor!Sevika who ends up loving you unconditionally.

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