this in: middle-aged mans first known encounter with flirtatious remark (confused)

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this in: middle-aged mans first known encounter with flirtatious remark (confused)

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Been reading a lot of Bloodymary fics recently
BloodyMary but the Hail Mary encounters hostile alien life that kidnaps them and Simon but Simon breaks out and proceed to slaughter anyone who dares to lay a finger (or claw?) on his intergalactic husband and sentient rock bestie.
He becomes a one armed John Wick.
what if the blood ocean is shaped by intent. the power of willpower, imposed upon it--it is an eldritch thing, vague and latching onto whatever it possibly can.
Simon saw the thing that might've been god. the thing that might've been god saw him. they acknowledged each other, whatever that means for either.
Simon might not be aware of it yet or ever, but what if, because of that or simply because of the indomitable human spirit kindling so hot within him, he can impose his will upon the blood. he cannot stop the mutations maybe, this is a one-way street. but it will take the shape guided by him, conscious or not.
idk man I always liked fantasy and horror better than I ever liked sci-fi, Iron Lung eldritch lore is like lifeline to me in bloodymary.
fellas am i cooking or what
small town au;;;;;
codename, the convict: a former member of the brothers of eden, is sent into witness protection after testifying against the leader of the cult he'd betrayed when their operation went wrong. he and his brothers were tasked with blowing up a secretive operation called project hail mary, but when he found out they were tasked with killing actual humans, he refused his orders. he is given a new identity; a mechanic at a shop owned by an old man named jack and run by his daughter ava. he calls himself simon, just simon. he doesn't deserve a fresh start, but the government thinks so, so he won't look this gift horse in the mouth.
the project was designed to advance space exploration, get a functioning colony on mars, and use a newly discovered energy source to combat climate change
former member of the project, dr ryland grace, was caught in the attacks on filament base and suffers from retrograde (?) amnesia and 2nd degree burns up his entire arm. the project leader, eva stratt, therefore sent him to a quiet town as a form of early retirement and hopes that the solitude will one day allow his memories to return. ryland doesn't think it'll be the case. the town is called erid falls; eva spent a couple summer breaks there. she thinks her ex might still live in town. since she was the whole reason ryland was even in the building when it was blown up, eva gets him a dog. he names the dog stallone, but can't stop calling him rocky.
oh whats that? they're actually in the same town? and they don't know who they are to each other but they become friends after ryland bumps into simon at the farmers market and spills his coffee all over him which charms the pants off the guy but then he's too busy chasing after coffee guys dog because he dropped the leash trying to clean up the coffee and well it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
and then...maybe..more?
but oh god grace starts remembering shit. and telling simon bits and pieces. and simon vaguely tells ryland about how he lost his arm. are they either too oblivious or too enraptured with one another to realize they are talking around the same event? and then the project name comes back to ryland. a hail mary, like the football play. and simon, well, he freaks the fuck out and tries to leave town with no explanation but he gets into a real bloody car accident. he calls it penance. grace calls him an idiot.
"why are you leaving?"
"because it was me. it was me who did this. me and the rest of the brothers of eden."
"oh."
and ryland doesn't quite understand at first but he recognizes that name. eden. he lets simon recover on his own, goes home and does what he does best: research.
"they have a hit out on you, simon."
"which is exactly why i have to stay away."

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I keep thinking about markiplier talking about "escaping the blood ocean and curling up in Ryan Gosling's arms" EVERY SINGLE TIME I read a bloodymary fic because he's right thats exactly what happens in every single one. Good lord 😭😭
Bonus points if it starts right when he's beginning to feel comfortable.
Streamer Simon headcanons because I know you all love it (I do too)
- Simon 100% loves all the fanart of him and he will make streams where he reacts to it.
- before Grace shows his face on camera for the first time, people make fanart of what they think he looks like and him and Simon scroll looking through them all in bed and they panic at one fanart because holy shit that’s actually so close to what Grace looks like it’s a little scary. Grace assumes that it’s one of his students who created it (it wasn’t.)
- The day Grace finally reveals his face in camera in a video he does with Simon, that artist freaks the fuck out and goes viral because “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WAS CLOSE?!”
- Simon 1000% reads fanfiction about himself because in chat one day, someone asks him if he’s seen the fanfiction people have written about him and his husband. It started off as a joke to see if they got Grace accurate but some of the stuff he reads actually has him sobbing because it’s so sweet but also “yes that is 100% something you do, Star! Don’t deny it!”
- Simon jokes that his husband is taller than him one stream and his chat 100% types “isn’t everybody though?” Simon swears he can hear Grace laugh from the other room.
- Grace in this AU does have an account he uses to watch Simon stream on and when he comments in the chat (his username is The_Papa_Star_27) everyone goes crazy. Especially when Simon reads the flirty chats Grace sends his way and Simon goes absolutely feral.
- sometimes grace mods his streams for Simon when he’s not busy doing paperwork, if not, someone else does it.
- Simon one day whilst streaming, hears Grace coming into the house and says “chat hang on a second.” And he rushes to go see Grace who’s holding a makeup bag and Grace tells him shyly and a little nervously that he wanted to try some lipstick. He puts it on and Simon volunteers happily for him to test it out on him. Needless to say, Simon strolls back into his streaming room with lipstick marks all over his face with a dazed look and saying “my husband brought this lipstick. It works.”
- speaking of, in my mind Grace AND Simon test out makeup for fun because fuck gender ok?!
- Simon has been banned from rage games. Don’t ask.
Pre Hail Mary launch off:
Vs post Hail Mary (aka them on Erid)
I’m glad that many ppl liked them because I’m so bloodymary/bloodstar brainrotted rn. There’s something so perfect abt them I can’t explain. Ig this would be an au, but I definitely draw them was if Simon was in PHM’s universe rather than a direct crossover. Which I’m surprised isn’t a common approach when seeing aus of these two.
All you really need to know, Simon was still a convict and was approached by Eva, who was helping on the mission, to become the engineer for the ship that’ll launch so his crimes will be expunged (But conveniently leaves out that he’ll die). I may draw them happy now, but there’s definitely hella angst considering Simon only discovers the reality of his situation through Grace,,,when they’re already deep into space. And yes Simon still loses his arm in this universe.
I love the headcanons of everybody on earth reaction to the beetles. but please imagine like 100 years down the line some random school kid being forced to do history (because that teacher managed to get to the topic first) homework on the whole thing.
like the regular kid enthusiasm of yeah that Grace guy met an alien, cleaned the sun blah blah blah. Eridians are regular visitors on Earth and it's boooooooooring.
and then the kid opens Wikipedia and that asshole is all over the thing. no easy essay of important person invented important thing that is so important that I have to write some bullshit on it. nope.
guy pops up all over the history section. yeah sure. diplomacy? wait wasn't he an astronaut. biology? what? oh he had PhD in something biology. oh he named astophage "astophage"! is that the end of an essay? oh no it continues. xenobiology, xenolinguistics, all the space exploration and, oh, a first contact! are we done yet? no. fuck. wait, metallurgy???? wtf is this dude doing in the metallurgy section. wasn't he a biologist?
and then some kids would get a little bit into it and read through early life section to find oh he got kicked out of his field for being a weirdo alien guy. oh that's a great story! with the hard work and the incredible strength of the will he proved everybody wrong!
no wait
he was just some scrungly guy that got dragged kicking and screaming into this whole bs just to pull the most lock tf in in the history of locking tf in
wtf?!
and then they dig deep enough to find the video logs
so every year. without missing the beat, few kids get totally obsessed.

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rocky get stickbugged statement
♪ humans so delicate ♫
Just some sweet bonding for the soul
Watch your step!
My head canons for their eating habits. :3

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tfw you’re high off your ass on pain meds and you’re pretty sure the guy that looks just like Ryan fucking gosling, who just pulled you from the Mayan’s description of hell with the help of a sentient rock, is an angel escorting you to heaven
funi in my head, stupid in execution. Anyway, happy pride.