Carina ‘lust at first sight’ Deluca on how she met her wife.
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@uswnthopekelley
Carina ‘lust at first sight’ Deluca on how she met her wife.
Bonus:

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my favourite adhd / general executive dysfunction feeling is when you become very consciously aware that you are bored and there is nothing interesting left on the 5 social media apps you’ve been cycling around for the past hour and finally a small logical part of your brain goes “hey! perhaps at this point it might actually be more fun to do one of the productive things you’ve been putting off!” and you’re this close to going oh huh yeah maybe that's true! and getting up to do some housework or read a book or something when a far louder part of your brain goes “NO WAIT!!!! maybe THIS time when we refresh tumblr.... it will be interesting again” and you’re like "ohhhh right sorry for doubting you boss" & promptly get right back to doing fuck all
Obsessed with Eartha Kitt’s absolute power move of risking her entire career to drag Lyndon B. Johnson’s bitch ass so hard that his wife started crying
𝕃 𝔼 𝔾 𝔼 ℕ 𝔻
Comic by PetFoolery.
I love this.
[ID: a Twitter thread by Jennifer Lynn Barnes @jenlynnbarnes "One time, I was at a Q&A with Nora Roberts, and someone asked her to balance writing and kids, and she said that the key to juggling is to know that some of the balls you have in the air are made of plastic & some are made of glass. And if you drop a plastic ball, it bounces, no harm done. If you drop a glass ball, it shatters, so you have to know which balls are glass and which are plastic and prioritize catching the glass ones. Nora was not talking about juggling five balls. She was talking about juggling FIFTY-FIVE balls. The balls don't represent 'family' or 'work.' There are separate balls for everything that goes into each of those categories. 'Deadline on Project Y' or 'crazy sock day at school.' And her point, addressing a room full of women, was not 'prioritize kids over work.' It was 'some kid stuff is glass and some is plastic, and sometimes to catch a glass work ball, you have to drop a plastic family one, and that is okay.' I think about this ALL THE TIME. I dropped one more ball today. It is hard to drop any ball, and I hate it! But they were plastic, and tomorrow, it will be okay." End ID.]

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I love it when the little kids I’m teaching online have complete and total misconceptions of what’s going on. So far, I’ve encountered the following:
1. I had been teaching a little girl for several months, when one day she said to me: “My mother says you’re a real person, not an app. If you’re a real person, show me your husband.”
2. I was about to end a class, but the little girl I was teaching didn’t want the class to end. She turned to her mom and asked if she could please watch one more episode. Turns out she was under the impression that I was a very interactive TV program.
3. I couldn’t find my marker in class today. The boy I was teaching was like, “What’s your apartment number? I’ll come up and help you find it!” The boy lives in China and I live in the United States. I guess most people he knows live in the same building as him, so he assumed I did too.
4. I had been teaching a kid for quite some time when I mentioned my age in class. She was like, “Wait, you’re an adult????” She’d thought I was twelve.
This is so adorable and hilarious
I’m a huge fan of yours (requested by Anonymous)
For context: In that production of King Lear by the Royal Shakespeare Company, Sir Ian McKellen, playing the titular character in a scene where Lear has essentially gone round the bend, strips completely naked right there on stage. New York critic Michael Portantiere, noted in his review, “Special note for those who care about such things: In a brief nude scene, McKellen amply demonstrates the truth of Lear’s statement that he is ‘every inch a king’.”
#wow go ian mckellan #also a+ flirting there taron
The above scene is amazing but I also feel we need to take a moment to appreciate the fact that a respected theatre critic took time to mention in their review of this production of King Lear that Ian McKellen has a truly impressive penis
I'm sorry this is one of the funniest tags that's ever been left on one of my posts
Cat playing Chess
you cant do that with a pawn you stupid fuck
“We’re fixing up this spaceship that belongs to our new friend Meap.”
“Meap, he’s the most adorable thing in the world.”
“Really? Are you sure there’s nothing, or no one that’s more adorable?“
“No, not a chance.”
PART 2
“Okay. I jury-rigged Ferb’s old GPS device, to create a cute tracker.”
“It locks on to the cutest thing in the area,”
“so it should lead us right to Meap.”
“Let’s see if we can get a signal.“
“Got something!”
“Oh, that’s probably me. Sorry.”
“No. It’s three miles in that direction.”
Part 3
“Isabella, want to come with me and help me find Meap?“
“Sure!”
“I still haven’t gotten my”
“‘you wouldn’t know cute if it bit your legs off’“
“accomplishment badge.”
“Cool!”
“Let’s go!”
Part 4
“Hmm, I’m having trouble picking up his cute signal.”
“Phineas, since you obviously won’t figure this out on your own,“
“I think I’m the one causing the cute interference.“
“Don’t be silly Isabella.”
“I took into account your cuteness, and adjusted the cute-meter settings accordingly from the beginning.”
“See, look what happens when I change it back to normal.”
Bonus Depiction Of Me Right Now:
Part 5 (from a different episode)
“So, do I know romance or what?”
“what.”
“I said, do I know romance or-”
“I heard you.”
Part 6 (this time with Candace)
“So that’s Uncle Phineas and Ferb as kids?“
“That’s right.”
“And that girl looks like Aunt Isabella.“
“Did you hear that? Aunt Isabella!”
“That means I’m gonna marry Phineas!”
“Or Ferb.”
*clicks tongue*
We didn’t deserve this show
LMAOOOO thank you for this thread!!!!

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The last play I watched before the pandemic was a Beauty And The Beast adaptation and when Gaston proposed to Belle there was this little boy in the audience who yelled NOOO DON’T SAY YES, so when Belle naturally turned him down Gaston turned to the boy with his hands on his hips and said “well, now look what you’ve done”
#no one breaks the fourth wall like gaston
i can’t believe i fell for it
This was actually pretty clever
This is some next generation bullshit fuck me
I want you all to know that i hate everyone
I love it
“This bear dug a sitting pit to watch her favorite duckies”
(via)
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)
“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”
“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”
“i know.”
x
“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”
“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.
x
“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”
she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.
“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.
“why not?” the mermaid asks.
“he’ll win,” the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.
“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time.
“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”
“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”
“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”
“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”
“and now?”
“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”
She protects her family.
Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!
yeah, hailee steinfeld has arcane, hawkeye, dickinson, and across the spiderverse trailer all dropping at once, but she does not have range. she plays the same unhinged lesbian in all of them

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Wow there's some fucking bullshit going on in the replies here. Moderate your fucking spaces on the internet, kick racists and other bad actors to the kerb or you risk losing everyone else. This guy has the right of it (scroll up to top).
Quit thinking you need to be fair to unfair voices
For anyone who can’t/won’t read that twitter thread, it’s by Michael B. Tager (@IamRageSparkle) and it says:
I was at a shitty crustpunk bar once getting an after-work beer. One of those shitholes where the bartenders clearly hate you. So the bartender and I were ignoring one another when someone sits next to me and he immediately says, "no. get out."
And the dude next to me says, "hey i'm not doing anything, i'm a paying customer." and the bartender reaches under the counter for a bat or something and says, "out. now." and the dude leaves, kind of yelling. And he was dressed in a punk uniform, I noticed
Anyway, I asked what that was about and the bartender was like, "you didn't see his vest but it was all nazi shit. Iron crosses and stuff. You get to recognize them." And i was like, ohok and he continues.
"you have to nip it in the bud immediately. These guys come in and it's always a nice, polite one. And you serve them because you don't want to cause a scene. And then they become a regular and after awhile they bring a friend. And that dude is cool too.
And then THEY bring friends and the friends bring friends and they stop being cool and then you realize, oh shit, this is a Nazi bar now. And it's too late because they're entrenched and if you try to kick them out, they cause a PROBLEM. So you have to shut them down.
And i was like, 'oh damn.' and he said "yeah, you have to ignore their reasonable arguments because their end goal is to be terrible, awful people." And then he went back to ignoring me. But I haven't forgotten that at all.