when my dad moved away from home he needed a place to live, so he went to look at this one potential apartment. the only questions the landlady asked him were where he was born and when. when my dad told him, the landlady pulled out this huuuge astrology chart book. she looked at it for a long time in silence and finally said, “acceptable”

this is funny and awful at the same time

so nice when u can be quiet with someone without it being awkward

Damn looks like a new dimension

Excuse me, 911, i just witnessed a murder

HOLY SHIT

i need a group chat with my parallel universe me’s im getting worried abt them

ask your doctor what the fuck

can I wear a waist trainer if I’m 6 months pregnant ?

Wouldn’t recommend!

too late my baby gonna come out with a SNATCHED waist

me, a pseudo-intellectual: both, if at all possible—and it’s always possible

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this impacted my breathing