Dumbbell/e

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7 Tips to Set Healthy Boundaries with Others

daughter: hey this thing you do bothers me very much and i wish you wouldn’t do it

moments

where I can either

make a decision that is healthy/on-target/would help me reach my goals

OR

make a decision that isn’t the best, but also doesn’t seem super harmful to my overall progress at the time.

My brain literally stops me and says, “Hey, this is a test of your self-control, what are you gonna do?” And when that happens, past experience tells me that my decision at that moment will affect my ability to stay on track for at least the rest of the day, if not the next whole week.

It sounds crazy, but I really think this is a pattern for me.

I’ll be sitting at my desk at work and think, “Hmm I’d really like some chocolate. Oh, there’s chocolate in the break room. But I also have chocolate at home, so if I still want some by the time I get home in a few hours, I’ll have some. But ugghhhh I want some right now. And it’s right there in the break room. I’ll just have a little bit.”

And then my brain goes

DING DONG HELLOOOOOO THIS IS A MOMENT!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO??!

And if I stay at my desk or distract myself with something else and I don’t eat any chocolate right then, I make it through the “moment”. And I don’t feel any desire to eat chocolate an hour later. But more importantly, I feel powerful and more sure of myself and my ability to reach my goals. It doesn’t even matter if I do end up eating some chocolate as a treat when I get home. That action is no longer connected to the “moment”. That confidence builds on itself and carries over to the next day, and it’s easier to eat well and exercise like I want to. And it becomes even easier the next day and the day after that.

BUT if I DO go eat the chocolate right then, maybe 15% of the time I’ll actually have a little bit and end it there. And I’ll feel proud of myself and life goes on. But 85% of the time I’ll stand there for ten minutes stuffing as much chocolate as I can into my face because the first, second, third, and fourth pieces tasted so good. Then I’ll go back to my desk and feel gross. But then I’ll think about how a granola bar might taste good, too. And I already ate the chocolate, so why not? So I’ll go grab one from the snack table and eat it. And then I’ll grab a second one and eat it because eating it feels good. And then I’ll grab a snack bag of chips and some pretzels because fuck it, right? And then I’ll feel awful so I’ll skip the gym and I’ll get home and talk myself/my partner into ordering pizza and then I’ll eat half of that. And before I know it, I’ve had an awful day and I have to be very purposeful about my choices the next day in order to keep from spiraling out of control. Which might still happen once every two months if I choose to eat the chocolate in the break room too many times.

I had a “moment” about two hours ago (involving some Cheetos and delicious honey mustard pretzels) and I said no. I could have just posted about that. But idk I felt the need to type out all of that other stuff ⬆️⬆️so I recognize that this is a pattern. This is how I get off track. I know when it’s going to happen, I can feel it, my mind tells me, and I can make the conscious decision not to let the cycle begin in the first place. I need to say No more often.

As a trans guy who’s been working out for a few years now and has learned a lot about their body and building muscle and whatnot in the process, here’s something I don’t see mentioned, like ever. 

Abs don’t really look Like That™ when they’re relaxed.

Here’s a few examples from a Reddit thread asking for pictures of people both flexing and not flexing their abs

I rarely see male body positivity posts in general but I’ve never seen this mentioned, and honestly? Call me stupid for it if you want, but I genuinely thought that super defined look was something that was achievable in a relaxed state, simply because I’ve never seen anything to the contrary. 

As someone with body dysmorphia as well as dysphoria, you can imagine the damaging effects that might have had on my mental health trying by to achieve the impossible. I can only imagine how many other masculine folk out there could be struggling with the exact same thing.

Health looks different for everyone.

If drinking a Diet Coke in the morning stops you from getting a 500 calorie Frappucino, then do it.

If your mile takes 17 minutes to complete, complete it.

If you love meat, eat it. If you’re vegan, get that plant-based protein.

Do what is best for your body at the pace that you can handle.

There is no wrong way to be better and you will not be perfect overnight.