"the feeling of shame, therefore, is not triggered by how others view ourselves (this is better understood through the concept of reputation) or how we view ourselves (this is better understood through the concept of self-esteem) but rather by our own negative judgment regarding how we want others to view ourselves. it is a complex form of self-consciousness whereby an individual a) is conscious of being seen as X and b) forms a negative judgment regarding what it is to be seen as X. this follows even in cases where the individual does not think of herself as X, for what is important is that she not want to be seen by others in this way ... this also follows in cases where "being seen as X" is not—from the point of view of the audience—a negative judgment. for example, velleman argues that sometimes "[w]e keep something private not because we fear disapproval of them but rather because we fear approval of a sort that we would experience as vulgar or cheap" and would result in a feeling of shame. my self-presentation can be compromised by approval if i do not want approval of the sort offered. shame always involves a negative judgment but the negative judgment is that of the individual who feels the shame and not of that individual's audience—i can disapprove of your positive view of me if i consider your opinion contemptible."

“How does one hate a country, or love one?… I know people, I know towns, farms, hills and rivers and rocks, I know how the sun at sunset in autumn falls on the side of a certain plowland in the hills; but what is the sense of giving a boundary to all that, of giving it a name and ceasing to love where the name ceases to apply? What is love for one’s country; is it hate for one’s uncountry? Then it’s not a good thing. Is it simply self-love? That’s a good thing, but one mustn’t make a virtue of it, or a profession.”

Prison Life, A Great Leveler

THIS MAY BE MY LAST TIME HERE.

My little siblings will die after me. Please donate to help cover the cost of my treatment in a private hospital.