i love this guy
One Nice Bug Per Day

#extradirty
$LAYYYTER
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

oozey mess
The Bowery Presents

Jar Jar Binks Fan Club

pixel skylines
YOU ARE THE REASON

if i look back, i am lost
Cosimo Galluzzi

Product Placement

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Mike Driver
Sade Olutola

todays bird
occasionally subtle
noise dept.

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Bangladesh

seen from Australia
seen from Japan

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Côte d’Ivoire

seen from Türkiye
seen from Türkiye

seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from United States

seen from Morocco
seen from Hungary
seen from Nigeria
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@unproblematic-sauce-blog
i love this guy

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I beg my kidnappers for a phone, swearing not to make any calls or texts, and they stare over my shoulder, holding a gun to my head as I use my newly-freed hand to post, "So do like, dudes just buy ropes and baklavas from the same store or what lmfao like a specialty Crime Store"
One of the kidnappers says "balaclavas" but it's muffled under the fabric. I ask them to repeat and they do, their voice raspy from disuse. "You wrote baklava, that's a pastry." The other kidnapper goes "stfu" and then after a pause goes "Why would you buy from a crime store"
Then they spit roast me
I didn't wanna say this but now that someone's left this kind of comment I have to be honest: Everyone else's tags are funny but this is the only person who understood my vision for this scenario
my cherios spelled out my exact address this morning but like what the gudge ever i gobbled those honey nut freaks up and licked the bowl too
someone contact my fucking lawyers
just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom
2 pics. no caption
just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom
2 pics. no caption

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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This is what the average YouTube thumbnail looks like now
This is what the average YouTube thumbnail looks like now
ACCIDENTALLY LEFT MY MACERATED APPLE SYRUP ON THE STOVE AND IT CARAMELIZED I GUESS?
it was super thick and dark and golden and bubbly so i took it off the heat. happy accident.
tastes delicious so good. idk what to do with it though
thank you for your recommendation! with brief consideration, it has been disregarded.
always some new bullshit in the ocean
Why is it always orcas or dolphins
Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once
worry not ☝️ they're doing coke
One of my favorite stories to tell about myself from when I was a kid is the story how my grandma’s “Catching Fairies” game was banned because of me
So when I was really little my grandma had this game she made up, she’d give me and all my cousins jars and containers and tell us that in her garden there were fairies but they were smart and tricky so they disguised themselves as caterpillars and butterflies and as grasshoppers and worms.
Whoever caught the most ‘Fairies’ won but we had to set them all free because they tended to the garden
One summer day my brothers were at the age they were dreading ‘girly’ stuff so I was playing alone
At this point I had met all the fairies in the garden and I was getting bored without any competition and with finding the same old fairies
But then just as I was begrudgingly heading back to my grandma with the same fairies as usual I found a new fairy!
I thought she was so beautiful! She was resting on the sparkly thread in the leaves and her black body gleamed in the sunlight, she had long legs and a cool red spot on her back
Excited I coaxed her onto my hand and was so giddy I found a new one! I rushed back to the farm house to show my Grandma and Dad, gently carrying my new friend.
But when my Dad and Grandma turned around to see what fairy I caught I saw the color drain from their faces and both of them freeze, I could tell something was wrong but didn’t understand
My dad congratulated me and asked me if he could see the pretty fairy, I let him but felt a little nervous seeing how terrified he looked as she moved into his hands from mine.
Slowly he walked back towards the door, my grandma clutching my shoulders then my dad LAUNCHED the fairy back into the garden which I thought was rather rude
Then we had a nice long talk about Black Widow spiders
Artistic recreation of my life flashing before my father’s eyes

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i let my cat sniff dr pepper and she identified all 23 mysterious flavors with ease
you literally have shitty hide armor and a dull ass shortsword. let me guess. your loot is 6 gold coins too? 🙄
friendly fucking reminder do NOT post about your lootdrops publicly!!! this post is a great example of "table baiting" to get you to reveal what valuables you drop on death WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY PUTTING YOU AT RISK OF FARMING!!! think for a second and be safe out there!!
(with the intention of ordering grapes from the lemonade stand) hey
white boy BAFFLES aliens by ordering in perfect gloobxax
I had to go to a new town, and since one of my favorite things to do is explore little shops in tiny towns, after I've completed my town task, I start walking around and going in and out of shops.
I go into a used furniture store, but they're remodeling so all the furniture is stacked on top of each other all the way to the ceiling, so I look a little and talk about prices with the two women there, but ultimately thank them and leave without buying anything.
Then I wander further down the street and find a cute little antique store so I wander in. I'm having a good time browsing, but the store is completely empty. No clerk. Which is actually ideal, because it means no small talk or salesman's expectations.
But, when I've been in there for two minutes, one of the women from the first furniture store comes in. And upon seeing my confused face, says, "Oh, I just work at the other place on Thursdays. I own this one. I have a little beeper that alerts me when someone comes in."
Okay then. But now I feel bad, because I'm just browsing and not planning on buying anything, yet I made this woman leave her other job and hustle down here for nothing. Regardless, I look for a little bit longer and then leave.
I wander some more before going into a craft shop, which is also empty, but only for a moment, before the same woman comes out of the back, but in a different shirt.
And she sees my mingled look of disappointment (how many times am I going to bother this woman?) and confusion (how did she get to this one so fast? When did she have time to change her shirt?), she laughs and says, "You must have just come from my sister's antique store."
Anyways, I am now outlawing identical twins in practice and they are also now forbidden from owning multiple stores on the same block.

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[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]
“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard