Unmotivated Introvert

Hey guys!

I am finishing up the podcast I mentioned yesterday. I “finished” (or BSed) the questions already. The whole time I was playing a game on my phone. Whoops.

I learned about the science project I will be doing this and next week. It’s basically like the last flipgrid I mentioned a few days ago but instead I have to make three more. I got to sign up for topics for each video too so I chose the topics I liked. One of the topics was basically the flipgrid we already made so I chose it and I’ll probably basically copy and paste what I wrote for the first flipgrid. I’ll need to add onto it but it’ll be a good start.

The 50 minute classes were not that bad. Most of my classes didn’t even use all 50 minutes. Honestly, I was on my phone for a lot of them. Not my fault the class is boring though. Oops. 

I forgot I had some homework due at midnight and I started doing it at 11:30. Luckily it was only two pages and I did it quickly.

My puppy (He’s like 13 weeks old) got his first haircut today. It’s funny because his fur is curly but since its short and blow dried right now the hair is very fluffy and straight. So, it’s not curly. It’ll probably curl up in the next week. I think he’s cuter when his fur is curly because he has white spots and they stand out a lot more when his fur is longer. It’s funny though because he looks like a completely different dog.

I’m currently wearing one grey and one white sock. I usually wake up one with sock on so I grabbed whatever sock I could find, which happened not to match. It reminded me of a nickname my mom would call me when I was younger. Most people think it’s weird that I wear socks to sleep but my feet get cold. I need them. I also hate the look of feet in general. This includes my feet and anyone elses feet. So, I like wearing socks so I don’t have to look at them. Kinda weird, I know.

I surprisingly woke up on time for 8:00 AM zoom today! I have another 8:00 AM zoom tomorrow which I am not excited for. Hopefully I’ll wake up for it too. I took a four hour nap earlier so I am not tired at all. It’s currently 1:36 AM. Oops. I’ll be tired probably. I have an 8:00 AM class on Wednesday too. Kill me now please. I know I talked about this a few days ago but I again do not know how I woke up at 7:00 AM everyday to go to school.

I completely forgot about my weekiversary on June 4th. I’m closer to two weeks now. Whoops. 

Hey guys!

I’m currently listening to a 40 minute podcast for school. I don’t normally like podcasts but I’m kinda enjoying it. It’s on zionism. Hopefully during the summer I’ll be able to listen to more. I don’t normally like podcasts because it’s hard to focus on something that you can’t watch and can only listen to. It’s hard to write this while focusing on the podcast. I have to answer specific questions which doesn’t help either. I’m trying though. I have to listen to another 40 minute podcast tomorrow too. Not fun. I was hoping the podcast was posted to YouTube so I could speed it up. It’s ok. I have a few minutes left now.

My “t” key is still broken and was not helping because I needed to type quickly to answer the questions. It randomly just started working better now. Knock on wood.

I talked about this a few days ago but I am going to have 50 minute zooms instead of 25 minute zooms for two weeks starting this week. I have four zooms tomorrow and one is at 8:00 AM. My sister is going to take me to coffee after my first zoom so hopefully I’ll survive. The idea of coffee will hopefully keep me awake. I’m going to need it badly. Some of my zooms may not take up the whole 50 minutes anyway. My teachers haven’t really talked about it yet.

This podcast is due on Tuesday so I again, did not procrastinate for once. Good thing. I would’ve had to listen to over an hour of podcasts tomorrow if I didn’t get this one out of the way. It honestly wasn’t even that bad. I checked the second question sheet and it only has three questions when this one had four. So it should take even less time. 

I have a lot of homework tomorrow though which isn’t good. It’s my fault though because I procrastinated all weekend. 

Update: Nevermind the thing I was supposed to do over the weekend I just did. I suddenly got motivated.

Sorry this isn’t longer but it’s almost 2AM and as I said I have to be up at 8:00 AM.

Hey guys!

My “T” key randomly stopped working on my laptop today. I have to press very hard on it to work which is annoying. But, it is kinda funny too. I was talking in a discord server and I gave up on trying to get the key to work so I made a lot of typos. It’s kinda interesting when keys stop working because then you realize how many words really have the letter in it. 

I remember a few years ago a few keys on my laptop stopped working. I think it was “E” and “X”. There was a few more too. The “X” key is probably because it was my sprint key on minecraft, so I was contantly using it. “E” is a vowel so of course I used it a lot. But, “X” is not that common in words so you wouldn’t think that would be the key to stop working. But again, I used it a lot for minecraft. Also, when the first key stopped working, in a few days a few more of my keys stopped working. Hopefully that is not what is happening right now.

Using command F, the amount of T’s I’ve used so far is 152. So... very common. I find that funny idk. Hopefully it fixes itself.

My return key is also broken. The key somehow broke in half. Because of that, I have to use two fingers for the key to work. It’s funny because I’ve noticed on school chromebooks (tbt when I wasn’t online schooled) I’ll use two fingers when I press the return key. I really got ino the habit.

I type very loudly. I used to think it was just my laptops keyboard (I have a 2015 macbook air), but then I was using a chromebook at school and someone told me to type quieter and I realized it’s the way I type, not my keyboard. I got a PC for my birthday a few months ago so when I was looking for a keyboard I was specifically trying to find a quiet one. The one I got is definitely quieter than my mac’s keyboard but because of the way I type it’s still pretty loud.

I now have to press very hard to get the “T” key to work now which doesn’t help. 

When I used to call a lot on discord I made my push to talk the “Z” key. One time while I was at school I was using a chromebook while talking to one of my school friends and I remember catching myself pressing “Z” when I talked to them. It was so stupid but thats me I guess. 

I spent way too much time on discord. I still do just now I mostly type rather than call. I tried to make up with one of my ex-friends. It’s a long story and I don’t want to explain it but it was both of our faults. We had a normal conversation until she had to go. So, that’s a good sign. I  told her I wanted to be on good terms and she said she did too.

I don’t really want to talk about that though.

Oh no. Pressing hard on the key stopped working so I started copying and pasting the letter “T”. That’s going to get old quick.

Hey guys!

I did not have much homework today which was great! I had this assignment due on Saturday at 11:59 but I did it today. I didn’t procrastinate! That’s so unlike me. 

The boredoms already getting to me. Because of quarantine, I am not nearly as busy since I don’t have 7 hour school days. I have I think four or five zooms a day at most and each are 25 minutes so it wasn’t that bad. Then a lot of my classes did not give much work. Each assignment, for the most part, did not take up a lot of time. This is only going to get a lot worse with summer.

I found out I have no more writing assignments in English! Last week I asked my teacher if we had any more writing assignments and she said she was not sure because she was behind on grading. But, our last zoom is next Wednesday and she said she won’t be assigning anything. This is great because if she did give us a writing assignment it would’ve been on the play we’re “reading” in class and I have not been paying attention at all. Oops. She also has been grading A LOT easier on the writing assignments since school got cancelled and I’ve been doing really well because of that. So I’m happy about that too. 

I also found out I at least have some work in one class the week after next week. My teacher’s going to explain the project on Monday, so the project will take two weeks. Not excited. He didn’t say much but he said we would have to use flipgrid to record videos which is not fun. If you do not know what flipgrid is, its a website where a teacher can give you an assignment and you’ll have to record urself. I found out today you can record just your screen which is useful. But, you can also record using your camera. After you finish recording it makes you take a “selfie” and it’s so annoying. You can add stickers to the photo though so if you look bad you can cover it up. LOL. The assignment that was due tomorrow was a flipgrid. Although this is the first time I’ve used flipgrid in that class, I’ve used flipgrid before because my Spanish teacher has been requiring us to use it. I unfortunately had to actually record myself and take an actual selfie for that class. Everyone else in the class did so I felt like I had to. It’s kinda funny when people add a bunch of stickers to their selfie because it just looks silly. 

Because of the boredom, I feel really sad. I can’t be bored ever because I need distractions. If I’m not distracted, I get sad. What’s ironic is that when I’m sad I’m also unmotivated to do things. Things that could distract me. It’s a vicious cycle. I was very unmotivated to post but hey I’m doing it! I talked about this a few days ago but I need to work through my unmotivation. It’s difficult though. Still, I’m trying. 

I’ve been listening to a lot of Falsettos the musical (including right now) the past few days too. I’m glad. I haven’t really listened to the cast recording in a while. When I took a bus last year, I’d listen to it on the bus. I think I only did that for maybe 2 months at most though. I get bored of musicals quickly. I used to be OBSESSED with Hamilton. I also love Rent, Six, Heathers, Legally Blonde and In The Heights.

Anyways...

Hey guys!

Today wasn’t great lol. Remember how I said my summer program got cancelled but I was possibly going to take online classes instead? Well, I won’t be taking the online classes because they did not change the price. With the price, I was at least studying at a campus. If its just online, it’s not worth it. I did a quick search for some online summer programs I could do and they were all either full or the deadline to apply had already passed. There’s still hope but not a lot. If I don’t find a program or a job or literally anything this summer is going to be horrible. I will be so bored. 

As I also mentioned earlier, I was supposed to learn about criminal psychology and forensic science. There are some YouTube videos on those topics so I can still learn about it a little, but it won’t be nearly the same. I’ll just have to make do with what I have.

The post where I mentioned the Try Guys got a few notes from people who do not even follow me. I think it’s because I tagged it with The Try Guys. I just found that interesting. My goal of this blog is to have fun and actually commit to something, not be popular. 

I did not have much schoolwork today which is great. Next week though is going to be a lot more busy. I am not excited. But, I’m almost done. Basically two more weeks now. Maybe even only one more week because some of my teachers haven’t really mentioned their plans for the next two weeks. I do know a few of my classes will end next week for sure though. Hopefully they all do so I can finally be done for the year. 

The hardest part is waking up for the zooms honestly. It’s weird because my earliest zoom is at 8:30 AM, meaning I wake up at 8:25 to get on the zoom. For regular school, I would wake up at 7:00 AM everyday. I don’t know how I did it. My zoom classes have all been 25 minutes too instead of the regular 45. Next week though, they’re going to be 45 minutes. That’s going to be torture. I don’t know how I sat through 45 minute lectures everyday either. When we finally are back in school, the days are going to feel so long. Each class will feel like forever.

Besides my summer program being cancelled, I’ve honestly been enjoying quarantine. I get to sleep in (for the most part), I get to nap whenever (for the most part). I also am able to control what I eat more. There was a cafeteria at school with things like cookies, so I’d buy something from there everyday. My house doesn’t have the same stuff the cafeteria has so I am eating a lot healthier which is good. Peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches have been my go-to lunch lately. I’ve also discovered a yogurt I love, so I eat that everyday for breakfast. Since I have extra time too, I’m able to make coffee in the morning and trust me, I NEED IT. 

Hey guys!

Unfortunately, the summer program got cancelled ;((. They’re possibly going to offer online classes. Unfortunatel,y apart of the program was visiting a college/state I had never been to and have always wanted to go, as well as I thought I’d make some friends. But, at least if its online, I won’t be bored during the summer, as well as be learning about something I’m interested in. I always get bored during the summer when I have nothing to do. I could still possibly make friends through online courses but I don’t know how they’ll work. It’ll definitely be more difficult. 

I was doing history homework today and I think I realized something. I’ve always struggled in history. It’s just never clicked for me. I’ve always been confused in that subject and have never gotten good grades in it. I specifically found the wars confusing. But, because of online learning, my teacher has been using the textbook to teach us instead of lectures. And for once in my whole academic career, I feel pretty good about what I’m learning in history class. I think the textbook helps me because I can reread whatever I want whenever I want. I can take my time in understanding. If I wanted the teacher to slow down, I would have to raise my hand in class. But, I’m shy. I also find it very awkward and uncomfortable to meet a teacher privately. I know I should talk to the teacher either way and I’m definitely not a good role model right now, but it is what it is. Hopefully the textbook will help me in the future too. What I’ve been learning about the past few months has happened fairly recently and I already knew some background knowledge on it which is also likely why its been easier. But, I’m relieved and proud of myself.

Even if the textbook doesn’t help me next year, hopefully I can use this newly-found confidence try to talk to my teacher. I didn’t think it was possible for me to understand what was going on in history class, let alone enjoy it. The reason I hadn’t been enjoying it is because I never understood what was happening. But now I do know I can not only understand it, but I can enjoy it. And thats amazing. I should enjoy learning. This can possibly seriously motivate me next year. 

Hey guys!

Again, today was not very eventful. I didn’t have time to practice coding.

I read The Hidden Power of F*cking Up by The Try Guys a few months ago. In one of the chapters, they talk about how if you want to successfully have a hobby, you can’t just do that hobby for a week. You need to continue doing it for several months for it to actually become a hobby. Since I haven’t been able to practice coding the past few days, I was thinking about that chapter. If I really want coding to become an actual hobby of mine, I need to stick to it. I can’t miss days like I have been. The same thing happened with the book I mentioned I had been reading for school. My plan was to read two chapters a night and I did do this for a few nights until one night I had extra time and I read four chapters instead of two. So, I skipped the next day’s reading. This inevitably led me to miss more than one day. Missing one day will just make me miss several. I might not even go back to it sometimes. Although, this book was for school, so I did eventually go back to it after missing a few days. I even stuck to the new schedule I made for it! Same thing happened with a journal/diary I would write in. I wrote in it every night for several days until I missed one because I was “tired”. This ultimately led me to never come back to that journal (unless you count this blog as my new journal).

This blog is supposed to be a hobby for me and I’m already experiencing some unmotivation. This is my fifth post and I haven’t missed one yet. Hopefully I can continue this streak. I really want to. I know if I miss one day, I’ll likely miss several and not come back to this blog. I need to work through my unmotivation and do it anyway. Wish me luck. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about hobbies and passions lately because well... I don’t have any (unless you count this blog but again I haven’t had it for long yet). Whenever someone asks me what I’m interested in, I never know what to say. I can’t say that I have no interests. I’ve been trying to use quarantine to help me find a passion or hobby, even just an interest. I haven’t been very successful but I haven’t completely failed. I learned that I love true crime. I find the stories interesting and I love learning the psychology behind them. I’m supposed to take a summer program in criminal psychology and forensic science starting late June. Luckily, it hasn’t been cancelled yet due to Corona. Since the program is only a few weeks, its possible it’ll just be pushed back to later in the summer. I’ve been looking forward to it for several months so I really hope I get to go ASAP.