#blog entry

What do you mean I need an "English" name. My legal name is already an easy enough three syllable name. Are you serious? Native english speakers cannot be that stupid. I don't need an "English" sounding name.

Anyways, some fucker asked me to pick my alternative name on the spot when I went to get my documents officialised. So I just gave them my old nickname, which happened to be in english. Great, right? Problem solved?

Wrong. Problem CREATED.

My nickname was unisex. Which, truth be told, was specifically was why I chose it. I just didn't think it would cause such a problem. I am trans! So it was perfect for me and my transphobic parents. Now I have four names, fun!

But I never thought the problem would be me passing too well. How? I don't know. Pure swag.

The clerk doing my documents just put me down as "M" on the documents without asking, and had also recommended to my parents to apply for St. Bartleby's over the phone. I don't even think he realized that my original legal name was feminine in its original language. I had dressed pretty androgynously (in my opinion,) and gone alone because my parents were busy and they didn't need parental permission to simply officialise the documents my parents had literally just requested. You'd think I would be euphoric. I kind of was, when I had noticed the mistake after my admission process was done for St. Bartleby's.

Oh, St. Bartleby's. I'm going to kill you.

On no legal paper work whatsoever, St. Bartleby's had been named as "For young gentlemen". Apparently it's the older name it used to have before its documents were modernized for the 21st century. I thought it was co-ed. My parents thought it was co-ed!

St. Bartleby's, seeing the big beautiful "M" on my documents, let me take admission. Fuck.

"But you're a boy, why do you care if you're going to an all-boys school? This is perfect for you." Of course, it is. In an ideal world, free from secrets, mistakes, hatred, bigotry, strife, futility, misery, tragedy, etc, etc. Which is not this world, to say the least. Fuck my life, I guess.

"Okay, just get it corrected then."

Haha. That's the fun part. I can't. (and partly I don't want to. I'm not going to be misgendered for once!) The fucking principal met me a week ago when I went to go give the entrance test and noticed nothing because I PASSED ONCE AGAIN, since I was in casual clothing. Suffering from success.

School's TOMORROW. BY THE WAY. IF YOU WERE CONFUSED ABOUT WHY I'M SO STRESSED.

"You can still inform them—" I ALREADY BOUGHT THE BOOKS AND UNIFORM. (Pants! Yay! I'm so glad my parents didn't go for that either.)

"Okay, so there's literally no problem. You're passing literally fine and no one will realize anything—" ERRRR. LOUD BUZZER SOUND. INCORRECT. I passed in casual clothing. I tried the uniform out today. I look hella cute but I need a binder ASAP or it's going to be obvious. Never thought my beautiful tits were going to cause me problems. Sigh.

"Okay, so you aren't passing. Then just inform the school administration, there's nothing you can do. Go to a co-ed school and be queer as fuck, you faggot." Whoa, chill there, hypothetical voice in my head who is helping me drive the narrative forward, no slurs here please. The problem with transferring schools again is... that's right, bureaucracy. I HATE BUREAUCRACY. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER SCHOOL, VET IT, APPLY TO IT, WAIT FOR IT TO VET ME IN RESPONSE, GO CHECK OUT THE CAMPUS AND GIVE YET ANOTHER EXAM, WAIT FOR RESULTS, BUY MORE SHIT FOR IT... I just plainly cannot do it again. I refuse to.

Thankfully, my parents won't care much about my school once I get out of their hair. They won't ask how school went for me. They never do. Makes my life easier.

So, most of this can be solved with a binder. Well, I wasn't planning to start binding anytime soon, but now's a good time like any, I guess.

Alright, new problem, motherfuckers: Where do I find a shop that sells binders in an unfamiliar Irish town? appendix to new problem: Is my pocket money enough to buy it?

Good lord. I only have 5 hours to find one. I haven't even ever gone to the market. Fuck it, we ball. I'm going. now. as in right fucking now, right after posting this.

Bag, money, phone, keys, water... what else would I need? Oh, right, an excuse to go out. I'll come up with in right now. I'll buy some groceries on the way and say I went exploring or something. Fuck man, I hope I don't get mugged.

I finally have a chance to post after a very, very busy week on the real-life front. But to make up for it, I have some breaking news: Dale Cho has just arrived in Dowon to join his brothers Tyron and Terence, and with him is his girlfriend Kelly.

I don't know if to call this "gameplay", as it is more like a little glimpse of what could be the start of my story "The Cho Brothers", if InZOI ever becomes an official release.

☆☆ OOTD ☆☆

Another chill lazy day for me ;333 I slept in AND IM HOME BY MYSELFFF🎉 that's always a bonus! I'm prob gonna spend most of my day on my pc >.< trying so hard to be this gameeee... why do I get so hyperfixated on thingsss

(I drew todays makeup look!)

Throwback hairstyle:

I feel like I need to relearn how to Tumblr ;-;

It's actually kind of funny. I leave for one year, and suddenly I've forgotten basic Tumblr functions lol, like a fish out of water. But I'll get back into the flow of things eventually. All in good time. It still feels odd to post again. You know that feeling when you haven't touched a hobby in a very long time, and then when you do come back to it, you actually need to take some time to rediscover who you were before you left the hobby. Or when you need to 're-introduce' yourself to a part of you that you've suppressed for a long time because you've had to focus on more pressing issues.

That's kind of what it feels like now. Between now and January last year, the thing that came in between it all was a crisis involving my family (and quite on brand for this particular family, it lasted for quite literally the rest of the year). I'm not gonna go into details, not because I'm not willing to talk about it, but because it's an exhaustive list of events, and I'm ready to close that chapter rather than giving it more rent than it's due.

Essentially, 2025 was a back-breaker on all fronts. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually... it challenged my core values, pulled my loyalties in opposite directions, opened old wounds, pitted me against loved ones, tested my faith, and opened my eyes to how truly wicked mankind can be. Simply put, I was living in a climate of constant stress. You don't have any motivation or desire to work on your hobbies in such a climate, and it's even affected my job productivity. By the time I got a vacation in December, I was so extremely burned out that I practically went into hibernation. No human contact whatsoever, none, nada, zilch. My sister thought I died lol. But it was exactly what I needed. A very long break away from work and people gave me some rejuvenation, and by the time February rolled around, the end of the family-crisis-saga was finally in sight. There are still some loose ends, but it's nowhere near as unbearable as the storm itself had been. I can finally breathe, without dreading what tomorrow may bring.

All of this to say, now that I am back online, I do feel a little ghasted.

Numb is not quite the right word, nor is indifference, but I definitely feel like I've grown 5 years older in just 1 year.

It's the kind of mental fatigue where I cannot yet bring myself to slip back into my hobbies as I used to. Reading books, drawing and painting for pleasure, even just listening to music became something that required effort and motivation that I had become empty of. Now that the storm is over, my cup is slowly filling back up again. But it will take time.

I still love PMATGA, and as old as this show is, my stubborn self still cannot quite let go of it, especially not until I finish what I wanted to set out for with my fanfics (and there are many of them). But I'll admit, I cannot yet bring myself to easily fall back into the old flow of working consistently on fan-works. The ideas are there, but the drive still has some catching up to do. But I trust it will get there.

This blog is really just me doing a little recap and reflecting on the past year, and where I stand now. Happy to report that 2026 has actually been treating me a little better so far!

Writing this is also my start into getting back into writing in general, as I've been so out of practice with writing any stories that I may have forgotten how to do it haha. Looking back on 2025, there had at least been some moments of good amongst the bad. One particularly wonderful moment was when I was baptized on 25 May 2025. This was still relatively early in the year, before the worst of the storm had yet come, and I believe it was the covering of the Holy Spirit that had given me the strength to pull through. I've been on a long journey with God, and though my faith has certainly been tested in 2025, today I look back and I feel stronger for it. There was no greater comfort than being surrounded by a supportive church family, and holding onto the promise of hope through Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour.

I don't have a plan or a schedule in mind for what my next few posts or activity will be, though I do look forward to sharing some new PMATGA art I've made before the hiatus. It's the NextGen concepts that I've teased last year, the ones that I didn't get to posting the finished versions of, due to the hiatus. All it just needs is some tweaks. So either that, or maybe some other PMATGA sketches to warm things up first.

Other than that, updates to my fanfics will unfortunately take a little bit longer to get to. But I will get to it, all in good time!

I want to take a moment to thank everyone who's reblogged and commented on my previous posts with warm welcomes. I honestly didn't know what to expect in coming back online after a year of radio silence. It took me a bit by surprise to see the number of people welcoming me back, and it warmed my heart <3 I appreciate ya'll immensely!

May 2026 treat you gently, may your cup overlfow with goodness, and may you be blessed with grace in abundance.

Until the next blog,

-Ell.

Less time online: being present in the moment, not letting online/social media trends influence me in any way. Making the most of each day. Spending more time in nature, admiring the beauty of creation. More time spent on my hobbies, bettering myself, growing into the woman I want to be. Quality time with friends and family

Taking care of my body: pilates throughout the week and walking 4 miles (around 10k steps) as many days as possible. Establishing a healthy sleep schedule. Consuming local, seasonal, and organic produce, grass-fed and free-range animal products, fresh sourdough. Making homemade meals as much as possible.

Stepping out of my comfort zone: not letting fear of the unknown stop me from living an amazing life. Saying yes to new opportunities and trying new things. Exploring parts of the city I've never been to before. Not being scared to travel solo. Making conversation with strangers. Developing new hobbies such as horse riding and painting. Seeing what this beautiful earth has to offer.

Nourishing my soul: starting my day with prayer and gratitude. Walking in obedience to the Lord and putting His will above mine. Spending time in His word daily. Being intentional with my thoughts, words, and actions. Allowing the fruit of the Spirit to influence all things I think, say, and do.