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KIROKAZE
almost home

Origami Around

dirt enthusiast
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

Janaina Medeiros
styofa doing anything
Sweet Seals For You, Always

Kaledo Art

romaâ
hello vonnie
occasionally subtle
Cosimo Galluzzi
NASA
One Nice Bug Per Day
taylor price
Three Goblin Art
d e v o n
Game of Thrones Daily

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@unknownforknown
Hello bisexual community
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Aro
It's June, motherfuckers, and you know what that means! Apart from firing a few rent-lowering shots to filter out the chuds from my following, it's probably also a good time to post a reminder that there are many strange ways to be queer, and this is one of them.
video transcript below the cut, may be slightly inaccurate, I tend to ad-lib when reading my scripts into voiceover
The oldest living tree ever found was a pine named âPrometheus.â It had been alive since before the Egyptian pyramids were built. Some guy cut it down in 1964. Source
he was actually a forestry graduate student who was doing research on bristlecone pines (Pinus langaevea) and got his increment borer stuck in the tree. this tool costs almost $800, so he asked the forest service if he could cut down the tree to recover the tool. after cutting it down, it became apparent that the tree was actually the oldest living organism. ever. (around 8,000 years old). so, not just some asshole. the guy feels extremely guilty and has even broken down in tears during an interview about the accident
OH MY GOD SO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So after the grad student cut down the tree and discovered it was the oldest tree in the world he quit studying forestry and went to study salt flats (canât cut down the oldest trees in the world on salt flats no siree none of that happening) and he was being interviewed about his research, but in the middle of the interview the reporter just stops and says âwait arenât the guy thatâŚâ
And he just takes off running. Literally. Turns around and runs across the salt flats away from the interview and I feel so bad for him but I canât help but start crying Iâm laughing so hard about it imagine a guy high tailing it across salt flats away from a dude with a recorder
its so different to know it was an accident and that NO ONE was aware until after. its not like this was one ignorant guy cutting down a fucking relic.
A small update on the grubbies: they are now extra beepy and have fur!
I like your popcorn
My Wife || Simon Riley ||
Captain Price had been expecting many things when Ghost informed him he was getting married.
A security risk.
A secret intelligence operative.
Perhaps some terrifying woman who looked as though she could snap a manâs neck with her bare hands.
What he had not expected was you.
The first warning sign should have been the fact that Simon seemed nervous.
Not anxious.
Not worried.
Nervous.
Price had known the man for years and could count on one hand the number of times heâd seen him genuinely uncertain.
Yet there Ghost stood near the entrance of the base, arms crossed tightly over his chest, staring toward the parking lot as though preparing for combat.
Soap noticed it too. "Sir,â he muttered quietly beside Price, watching Ghost with narrowed eyes. âIs he⌠pacing?â
Price blinked.
Ghost was, in fact, pacing.
Very slightly.
Like an agitated panther.
âWell Iâll be damned,â Price murmured.
Gaz looked between them. âShould we be concerned?â
âTerrified,â Soap answered.
Before anyone could speculate further, a vehicle rolled through the gates after being checked and if
The moment Ghost spotted it, he stopped moving entirely.
The transformation was subtle that most people wouldnât have noticed.But the men who worked beside him every day saw it immediately.
His shoulders relaxed.
The tension disappeared from his posture.
Something softened.
The truck parked, the driverâs door opened, and then you appeared.
You were much shorter than theyâd expected.You practically had to hop down from the vehicle. A large tote bag swung from one shoulder while a drink carrier balanced precariously in your hands.
The first thing you did was smile.
Not a polite smile.
Not the carefully practiced smile people gave soldiers.
A genuine one.
The kind that immediately reached your eyes.
âOh my God,â you said, spotting Simon across the lot. Your face lit up so brightly it almost seemed impossible. âThere he is!â
Then, to the absolute horror of the Task Force, you jogged toward Ghost.
Ghost.
Lieutenant Simon Riley.
The terrifying bastard responsible for half the nightmares on base.
Placing the drinks carefully down, you practically launched yourself at him.
Soap actually choked.
Price nearly dropped his cigar.
Gaz made a strangled noise.
Ghost caught you effortlessly.
One arm wrapped around your waist as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
For a horrifying second, the entire task force expected him to set you down.
Instead he simply kept holding you.
You grinned at him.
He stared down at you.
And somehow that terrifying skull-masked soldier looked completely helpless.
âThere you are,â you said, cupping his face between your hands without a shred of fear. âI missed you.â
Ghostâs gloved hand settled against your back.âWas gone four days.â
âI know.â
âYou called me twenty-three times.â
âI did~.â You seemed proud over that.
Then Ghost leaned down slightly as your fingers curled under his mask. "I missed you too.â
The silence that followed was deafening.
Soap looked physically ill.
Price rubbed his face.
Gaz looked like he was questioning reality itself.
Ghost finally glanced toward them and then immediately the softness vanished as the intimidating stare returned, the lethal presence returned and the entire base suddenly felt colder.
âStop starinâ,â he growled.
You turned around immediately. âOh!â
The smile returned.
âOh! These are your friends!â
Friends.
Price would later swear he saw Soapâs soul leave his body.
You carefully handed Ghost your drink carrier before marching directly toward them. âHi!â you announced. âIâm Simonâs wife.â
The three men simply stared.
You waited.
Still smiling.
Finally Price recovered first.
He stepped forward and offered a hand. âCaptain Price.â
You shook it enthusiastically. âItâs so nice to finally meet you! Simon talks about you all the time.â
Price nearly laughed because Simon talked about nobody.
Yet judging by the look Ghost was giving him, apparently he talked about Price.
Interesting.
Very interesting.
You moved on before he could ask questions. âYou must be Soap.â
Soap blinked. âUh⌠aye.â
âOh my gosh, your mohawk is real.â
Soap frowned. âDid Simon tell you about my mohawk?â
âNo.â You tilted your head. âI just wasnât sure if it was a hairstyle or a military cryptid situation.â
There was a moment of silence then Gaz burst out laughing.
Soap looked offended.
Price looked amused.
Ghost sighed heavily.
You pointed immediately. âAnd youâre Gaz!â
Gaz smiled. âThatâs me.â
âSimon says youâre the normal one.â
The laughter doubled.
Soap wheezed.
Price nearly choked on his cigar.
Gaz looked deeply offended.
Ghost turned away completely.
Which only confirmed he had absolutely said it.The next hour somehow became even stranger because you chatted with everyone effortlessly.
You remembered names.
Asked questions.
Laughed easily.
Within minutes it felt less like meeting Ghostâs wife and more like meeting a friend theyâd somehow known for years.
Price noticed something else too.
Every few minutes Simon checked on you.
Not obviously.
Most people would never notice.
But Price did.
A glance.
A shift closer.
A hand briefly touching your shoulder.
Tiny little confirmations that you were still there.
Still safe.
Still smiling.
And every single time you smiled back at him.
Like it was automatic.
Like you understood something about him nobody else ever had.
The realization hit Price unexpectedly.
For years theyâd all assumed Ghost preferred being alone.
Preferred distance.
Preferred isolation.
But watching Simon follow you around the base like a silent shadow made the truth painfully obvious.
The man had never wanted to be alone. Heâd simply never had someone worth coming home to.
The final nail in the coffin of everyoneâs sanity came later that afternoon.
Youâd spent hours traveling, jet lag was catching up with you.
One minute you were sitting beside Simon during a briefing.
The next, your head slowly tipped sideways then landed directly on his shoulder and stayed there.
Asleep.
Completely asleep.
Price paused mid-sentence.
The room went silent.
Nobody moved.
Nobody dared to breathe.
Ghost looked down.
Adjusted slightly.
Then carefully pulled his jacket over you like a blanket. His hand rested protectively against your arm. The gesture was so gentle it felt impossible coming from him.
Price exchanged a glance with Soap.
Soap looked devastated.
Gaz looked emotional.
Ghost noticed them staring as his eyes narrowed immediately. âDare either of you.â
Nobody dared.
And that was the day Task Force 141 met the one person on Earth more dangerous than Ghost himself.
The woman who had somehow managed to make Simon Riley happy.

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nobody ever mentions this but Soviet jazz is really good
No clue what I would look up but Ill try and find some
> oh it cant be THAT good
> what in the everloving mother of god
seeing red
âŚClark Masterlist - Read on aO3! - Main MasterlistâŚ
âŚsummary: all week, clark's been acting strange. he won't go near you, won't look at you, and by friday he's vanished all together. everyone seems to know why but you. but nothing's going to keep you away from him. not for that long.âŚ
âŚwarnings/tags: friends to lovers, secret identity shenanigans, emotional angst, fluff, sex pollen, sex pollen level smut, a little plot for the porn (male masturbation, manhandling, clark's feral, emotional sex, dry humping, blowjobs and facefucking, dumbification, dirty talk, sensitive reader, finger sucking, clark gets nasty, body worship, crazy overstimulation, sex pollen stamnia, fingering, oral f!recieving, begging, praise kink, monster dick clark, he fucks like a machine, breeding kink), no use of y/n, no descrption of readerâŚ
âŚwc: 10.5kâŚ
âŚauthor's note: request and voted fic! i got. real horny with itâŚ
Clark has been acting strange all week.
He got into work on Monday with a red face, and you didnât question it. He runs everywhere. Itâs a little ridiculous he doesnât have a red face more.
âWant some water?â Youâd tapped on his desk, and heâd let out a sharp breath.
âYeah.â His voice had been strangely rough, his glasses almost slipping off his nose. âWater- Water would be nice. Thank you.
He hadnât looked you in the eyes.
hooleesheet
Thats my wife || Gregory House ||
A/n: I have not written for him in soo long!
The exam room had devolved into complete chaos nearly forty minutes ago.
The little boy sat on the examination table clutching a dinosaur plushie to his chest like it was preparing for war while Chase stood there with the syringe in hand looking like a hostage negotiator at the end of his rope.
âOkay, buddy,â Chase said carefully, kneeling down again. âWhat if we count to three together?â
âNo!â
âOkay. Thatâs okay.â Cameron gave an exhausted smile toward the parents. âMaybe if we explain why the shot is important!â
âYouâre pressuring him,â the mother interrupted immediately, wrapping protective arms around her son. âWe donât believe in forcing medical decisions. He deserves bodily autonomy.â
Foreman blinked slowly. âHeâs six.â
âHe still has boundaries.â
House, leaning against the doorway with his cane tucked beneath one arm, looked profoundly entertained. âActually,â he drawled, âthis is great. Natural selection usually takes years.â
The father glared at him. âOur son does not respond well to aggression.â
âYour son also stepped on rusty metal in an abandoned construction lot,â House replied. âBut sure. Letâs respect the tetanus.â
The child screeched the second Chase stepped closer again. "YOU'RE IN MY BUBBLE!â
Chase backed off immediately as the mother shot him a horrified look like heâd attempted murder.
âSee?â she said. âYou scared him.â
House muttered, âYou know what scares me? Lockjaw.â
The boy kicked at Cameron when she tried approaching with a different sticker sheet.
âNo! I hate you!â
Cameron sighed.
Foreman rubbed both hands down his face.
And somewhere down the hallway, shoes squealed down the hall.
House looked up instantly.
The door swung open hard enough to smack the wall.
You walked in wearing your white coat half open over scrubs, hair slightly disheveled, one hand pressed against the small ache in your lower back. Twelve-hour shift exhaustion sat visibly beneath your eyes, and despite your normally warm demeanor, there was absolutely nothing soft about your expression right now.
House straightened a little unconsciously.
Wilson, whoâd wandered over specifically to watch the disaster unfold, immediately whispered, âOh no.â The man quickly stepped back.
You took one look at the room.
At Chase holding a syringe like it was cursed.
At Cameron trying not to cry from frustration.
At Foreman questioning every career choice that led him here.
Then your eyes landed on the parents.
âWhat,â you said very calmly, âis going on?â
The mother immediately pointed accusingly toward Chase. âTheyâre trying to traumatize our son.â
House covered his mouth to hide a grin.
You stared at her, working your jaw then at the child dramatically fake-whimpering into his stuffed dinosaur.
Then at the chart which you promptly snatched as you read it over, your expression flattened. "He stepped on rusty metal.â
âYes,â the father said defensively. âBut we donât believe fear should be used in parenting.â
âWonderful,â you replied. âNeither do I.â
Houseâs eyebrows lifted slightly.
Your voice remained eerily pleasant. âBut tetanus doesnât care about your parenting style.â
The mother crossed her arms. âWe are teaching him consent and respect for his personal bubble.â
You inhaled slowly through your nose, one hand rubbing your belly as the other supported your back and House could physically see the exact moment your patience died.
âI am telling you this once,â you said, setting the chart down. âSince you are refusing every other doctor." You then turned to look at the child who was now looking up at you with wide eyes. "Take the shot or I will personally refer your parents to a very good man that sells child coffins.â
The room went dead silent.
Chase choked on air.
Cameronâs eyes widened so hard they nearly left orbit.
Foreman turned away because he was suddenly very interested in the wall.
The little boy stared at you in complete shock.
You pointed directly at him. âI am pregnant. I have been on my feet for twelve hours. I have not eaten since six this morning, I've been peeing constantly. So you are going to decide right now if you want the tiny poke that prevents agonizing muscle spasms and possible death, or if you want me to explain to your parents what a closed-casket funeral means.â
The childâs lip trembled for a moment. ââŚCan I have the dinosaur bandaid?â
You held out your hand immediately. âAbsolutely. Arm.â
He shoved his arm out so fast Chase almost recoiled.The shot was administered in under three seconds.
No screaming.
No crying.
Just stunned silence.
You stuck the bandaid on gently afterward, your voice immediately softening again. âThere. Done.â
The boy blinked. ââŚThat was it?â
âYes,â you said tiredly. âThat was it.â
The mother looked horrified. âYou threatened our child.â
âNo,â you corrected flatly. âI informed your child. Thereâs a difference.â
House had completely given up pretending not to enjoy this.
His eyes followed you the entire time as you gathered the chart back up.
Wilson leaned toward him slowly. âYouâre smiling.â
âIâm not.â
âYou absolutely are.â
House watched as you rubbed your stomach absently, exhaustion finally creeping back into your posture now that the crisis was over.
Then you looked at Chase. âNext time just give him the dinosaur bandaid first. Rookie mistake.â
Chase stared at you like heâd just witnessed divine intervention. âYes, maâam.â
You turned and walked out of the room muttering something about wanting coffee intravenously while House watched you disappear down the hallway. âI need to marry her again.â
Foreman snorted.
Cameron laughed under her breath.
Wilson grinned. âYouâre in love.â
House leaned against his cane smugly. âShe threatened a child with funeral arrangements. Thatâs basically foreplay.â
You had barely made it halfway down the hallway before your body started protesting the sheer audacity of the last ten minutes. Your feet hurt, your back hurt, and somewhere deep in your soul you were reconsidering humanity as a whole.
Behind you came the uneven tap of a cane.You didnât even turn around to know who it was. âIf youâre here to tell me I violated hospital policy,â you muttered, âIâm too tired to care.â
âI was actually here to congratulate you on terrifying grown adults and a child simultaneously.â
You finally glanced over your shoulder to see Gregory House grinning at you like an absolute menace.
That was never a good sign.
âYou threatened them with child coffins,â he said proudly.
âI was being efficient.â
âYou were being hot.â
You stopped walking.
House nearly bumped into you because apparently he had forgotten basic momentum existed.
âWhat.â Your voice was flat.
He smirked wider, leaning casually against his cane. âHot. Very hot. Little scary. But mostly hot.â
You stared at him in disbelief. âI threatened parents.â
âYes.â He nodded approvingly. âWith confidence.â
âThat is not a normal response.â
âNeither is negotiating with a six-year-old over tetanus like heâs a union representative.â
A nurse walking past snorted into her clipboard.
You pointed accusingly at your husband. âYou are encouraging me.....Iâm pregnant you know,â you deadpanned.
âYou were pregnant yesterday too. Today you became terrifying.â
You groaned, rubbing your face. âGreg.â
âNo, seriously.â He looked delighted. âThe whole âtake the shot or Iâll introduce your parents to the coffin guyâ thing?â He whistled softly. âForeman almost passed out.â
âGood.â
âAnd Chase looked emotionally changed.â
âThatâs also good.â
House moved closer, lowering his voice conspiratorially. âYou know what the best part was?â
âIâm afraid to ask.â
âThe kid gave you his arm immediately.â He looked genuinely impressed. âYou solved in thirty seconds what took them forty-five minutes and three failed sticker bribes.â
You sighed heavily. âI am too pregnant for gentle parenting.â
âYouâre too practical for gentle parenting.â
âIâm gentle.â
House stared at you and you stared back.
âOkay,â you admitted. âIâm gentle until somebody weaponizes Bluey terminology against modern medicine.â
House barked out a laugh loud enough that two nurses turned to stare.
âThere she is,â he said fondly. âThe tiny dictator I married.â
You rolled your eyes and resumed walking, though much slower now. "Ugh."
House followed immediately beside you. âAlso,â he added casually, âwatching you verbally destroy those parents may have been the hottest thing Iâve seen all week.â
âMy feet are swollen, I look like a watermelon."
âAnd yet here we are.â
You snorted despite yourself.
Houseâs expression softened just slightly as he looked at you. The exhaustion under your eyes. The way your hand subconsciously rested over your stomach. The fact that even dead tired, you still ran into a disaster room because everyone else was struggling.
Wilson always accused him of having terrible taste in humanity.
Maybe he did.
But not with you.
House nudged your shoulder gently with his own as he placed his hand on your hip. "Câmon,â he said. âLetâs go steal pudding cups before Cuddy notices you threatened civilians again.â
"If I were orpheus I wouldn't look back"
But we look back everyday- rechecking emails, making sure a friend is still behind you, checking to see if you remebered to pick up your keys. It's second nature, a habit of care.
It was second nature for him too. He looked back, not out of weakness, but love. For what is love, if not to look back?
An Orpheus who didn't turn around is an Orpheus who never walked down in the first place

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I remember one time I got INSANELY high off of edibles while playing Among Us, and it quickly became apparent to the other players online. I forget how honestly but literally anything "sus" I did was ignored by everyone because I was so fucking high. I tested this theory by standing in front of a body and the person that actually reported it didn't even mention me. The funniest part was when I was trying to do wires, I kept fucking up over and over again, so I was just standing in front of wires for actual minutes trying to figure it out. A small crowd of players gathered around me to watch and would get mad every time someone reported a body or emergency meeting because "she's never going to get her tasks done if you keep interrupting them." I don't think anyone cared about winning at that point, they just wanted to see the high crew mate succeed in her tasks.
THIS IS 1000% ACCURATE LMFAO. Thank you op
Ohhhh yeah
iâm trying to say this thought in a nice and genuine way because i do mean it in a nice and genuine way and i worry it will just come across as âyour faves are not as hot as you think they are lolâ but i think fandom, being a setting where itâs normal to publicly wax lyrical about how beautiful you find someone, is somewhere you can really see the truth of the statement that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. as an outsider looking in, you can tell how when people start loving a character or personality, a lot of the time something just switches, and they suddenly perceive like unfathomable lifechanging beauty in this person that i think they could probably see in anyone if they looked with that much love. iâm very charmed by it and what it says about how a lot of people look at who they love in the rest of their life
au where padme lives and raises her two children thinking that anakin died on mustafar and works behind the scenes in the rebellion
and anakin/vader thinks that he killed padme
and they both think the other is dead and vader hates the shadowy leader of the rebellion and padme hates the emperorâs black-suited attack dog
i just have a lot of ideas about this idk
this is the parent trap. this is the parent trap with luke and leia
I need them stuck together in a caved-in ancient temple somewhere and having a near-screaming argument and Padme referencing something specific to her past that Anakin was there for in the process of making a point and Vader getting mad at thinking himself mocked and just Will Not Stand for anybody bringing Padme Amidala into the argument and
Padme just
fucking takes her mask off and throws it at him and says sheâll use herself in her own arguments all she fucking well wants and it bounces off his face and she figures sheâs gonna die and sheâs totally not prepared for the second-in-command of the entire Empire to just fall on his knees at her feet.
I donât even know what to follow this up with and I think neither do they.
[Image ID: Tumblr post from triviallyTrue on 24 Jun 2022 reading: every day star wars fans come on this site and say some version of âstar wars would be so good if it was goodâ /End ID]
Peter Falk / Columbo
Art by Peter Falk
if i told you what rhis sounded ljke i dont think youd believe me so just listen
the song is also on bandcamp for pwyw
the story behind the song is also very good
last year we needed new songs so in the style of the who's "a quick one" album where all the members wrote at least a couple songs each, we decided to challenge ourselves and each write a song to present to the band. alan wrote "how lucky am i?" emerson wrote "oxycontin" and matt wrote a yet-unreleased tune called "quarter two" our drummer casey, put it off til the last minute. on the day the song was due, with two hours left, he woke up in a panic, smoked a bowl, and presented us "Ăngus, The Prize-Winning Hog" by plunking each note out on a piano with his index finger. it turned into a full polka-rock-nu-metal-1960's-British-car-chase-Queen-esque-mini-opera.
THEYRE ON SPOTIFY

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my YouTube algorithm has been showing me a lot of horse racing recently and since the Kentucky derby is today, the last few days all my recommendations have been filled with every middle-ages dudebros podcast about gambling and betting strategies and How To Pick The Real Winner and how to min-max your bet and bla bla bla. Buddy Iâve already got my favorite horsie picked out and itâs because heâs Silly.
reasons i like the horsie Great White:
he's about 6 inches taller and 200lbs heavier than any other horse in the field. big ol honse.
his record kind of sucks and when an interviewer asked his trainer "what do you think [the horse] will need to do to win the derby?' the trainer just said "get a lot better."
the horse was deadset on eating the landscaping shrubbery during the interview
thats all i need, absolutely sold, go get em Great White.
this couldn't have ended any more perfectly
guess which one is great white
Little Rock Friends || Ryland Grace ||
A/n: Got asked about writing for PHM stuff and here is a second piece to the other fic.
The first thing you noticed was the sound.
It wasnât human. It wasnât mechanical either, not fully. It was⌠musical. Soft, layered tones echoing from the other room like someone was playing notes through metal and stone instead of air.
You froze mid-step, eyes lighting up as you grabbed Coltâs arm. âWhat is that?â
Colt immediately looked like a man who had made a mistake. A big one. âNothing,â he said way too fast.
You turned slowly, narrowing your eyes. âColt.â
From behind you, Ryland groaned, dragging a hand down his face. âWhat the hell did you tell her, Colt?â
âI didnât tell her anything!â Colt shot back defensively. âShe said she wanted to meet yourââ he gestured vaguely, already backing away, â....rock friends.â
You gasped, delighted. âI do wanna meet your little rock friends!â
Ryland looked at you like his brain had just tripped over itself again. âThey are not little.â He muttered then winced as another series of chiming, curious sounds echoed from the other room that was now closer.
Your entire face softened instantly. âOh my...ok I need to see them.â
Before either of them could stop you, you slipped past Ryland and into the next room.
âWait!!â Ryland started, following after you, already tense. âYou should...just...maybe donâtââ
You stepped through the doorway and stopped.
They were beautiful.
Two massive, rock-like beings shifted on the reinforced floor, their forms unlike anything you had ever seen, five limbs each, bodies like living stone, the larger one towering slightly over the other. Their bodies caught the light in muted, earthy tones, and as they moved, those soft musical sounds filled the room again, echoing gently off the walls.
Your hand flew to your mouth. âOh,â you breathed, completely awestruck. âOh, theyâre perfect.â
Ryland blinked behind you.ThatâŚwas not the reaction heâd been expecting.
Rocky stilled for a moment, then let out a curious series of tones, lower, inquisitive. Adrian shifted beside him, larger and quieter, but clearly attentive.
You took a slow step forward. âHi,â you said softly, like you were approaching a shy animal instead of two alien beings the size of small cars. âHi, babiesâŚâ
Ryland nearly choked. âBabies....?â
Colt snorted behind him, already losing it.
Rocky made a brighter, almost excited series of notes, his body angling toward you. Adrian followed, slower but deliberate, their presence warm and steady.
You crouched slightly, completely fearless and held out your hand. âIâm not gonna hurt you,â you murmured gently.
Ryland opened his mouth to warn you, something about basic safety, that they're aliens but before he could get a single word out, Rocky reached forward.
One of his limbs extended, the three triangular fingers moving with surprising precision as he tapped lightly against your hand.
You lit up. âOh my god, youâre saying hiââ you laughed softly, pure delight in your voice as you let him explore your hand, completely unbothered. âHi, sweetheart. Hi.â
Adrian shifted closer, larger limb brushing lightly against your arm in what felt unmistakably like curiosity.
You looked up at them both, eyes wide and soft. âYouâre both so pretty.â
Ryland just⌠stared.
Because Rocky made another sound, higher this time, almost rhythmic and Adrian followed with a deeper tone that echoed through the room.
They liked you.
They really liked you.
Colt leaned over, nudging Ryland with his elbow, grinning like a menace. âWow. They didnât even like me this fast.â
âI cannot believe this is happening,â Ryland muttered, still watching as you gently laughed, completely surrounded by two enormous alien beings like it was the most natural thing in the world.
You reached out with your other hand, carefully brushing along Rockyâs carapace. âYouâre like a big rock puppy,â you whispered.
Rocky responded instantly bright, chiming tones that almost sounded like happiness.
Adrian shifted again, pressing slightly closer to you in a way that felt protective, curious, and just a little possessive.
You didnât even hesitate. You leaned into it, smiling.
âI love them,â you said immediately, looking back at Ryland like this was the most obvious thing in the world. âI love them so much.â
Rylandâs brain stopped working for the third time that day. ââŚyou do?â
You nodded, beaming, turning back to them as Rocky tapped your hand again like he wanted more attention. âTheyâre perfect.â
There was a pause.
Then Colt clapped a hand on Rylandâs shoulder, grinning like heâd just won the lottery.
âCongrats,â he said. âYour alien best friend and his wife just stole your girl.â
Ryland didnât even argue.
Because watching you laugh softly, completely at ease, completely genuine as Rocky and Adrian hovered close, making soft musical sounds like they were just as smitten with you and he had a very sudden, very overwhelming realization.
This was either going to go incredibly well.Or completely ruin him.
Colt leaned against the doorway like a man trying very hard to process what he was seeing and failing.
Because in front of him, you were casually standing between two giant alien rock creatures, one of them gently tapping your hand like a curious puppy while the other hovered close like a very large, very protective bodyguard.
And you were smiling.
Smiling.
âArenât you like⌠freaked out?â Colt finally asked, gesturing wildly at the scene in front of him. âThey are aliens. Most people freak out about aliens.â
You looked over your shoulder at him like heâd just said something deeply confusing. âTheyâre babies.â
There was a pause.
Colt blinked.
Ryland blinked.
Rocky made a soft, pleased chime.
ââŚthey are not babies,â Ryland said weakly, though even he sounded unconvinced at this point.
âYes they are,â you said immediately, turning back to Rocky as he nudged your hand again. âLook at him. Heâs literally asking for attention.â
As if to prove your point, Rocky leaned forward again, his massive body shifting in a little bounceâa full eight hundred pounds of alien rock doing what could only be described as an excited wiggle.
Colt stared. âI hate this,â he muttered. âI hate that you made that cute.â
A soft mechanical whirring sound cut through the room.
âSTATEMENT⌠CORRECTION,â came a slightly distorted, musical voice.
Everyone froze.
You gasped. âOh my god, he talks?!â
Ryland groaned immediately. âGraceâs translatorâhe finished adjusting it....â
Rocky straightened, well, as much as a five-limbed rock alien could and let out a series of tones that filtered through the device.
âCLARIFICATION,â the translator buzzed, âWE ARE NOT⌠âBABIES.ââ
Colt snorted. âThank you.â
You tilted your head, unconvinced. âMhm.â
Rocky paused, then continued. âADDITIONAL CLARIFICATION,â the translator continued, tone shifting slightly as if trying to interpret something more complex, âWE ARE⌠ADULTS. VERY COMPETENT. HIGHLY INTELLIGENT.â
Another pause.
Then the device crackled again.
ââŚBUT,â it added.
Rylandâs head snapped up. âOh no.â
Rocky let out a series of softer, chiming notes. ââŚYOU MAY CONTINUE TO CALL US⌠âBABIES,ââ the translator finished.
Colt lost it. âI KNEW IT,â he shouted, pointing at Rocky like heâd just betrayed his entire species. âI KNEW YOU WERE GONNA FOLD...â
You beamed, immediately reaching up to gently pat Rockyâs carapace. âGood babies.â
Rocky made a bright, pleased trill, almost smug.
Adrian, not to be outdone, shifted forward, their larger frame pressing lightly against your side.
The translator buzzed again. âQUERY,â Adrianâs deeper tones translated, âDO WE ALSO RECEIVE⌠âPATS.ââ
You gasped like youâd just been given the greatest honor imaginable. âOf course you do.â
Ryland covered his face.
Colt leaned against the wall, wheezing. âI cannot believe this. I cannot believe the aliens asked for head pats and got them.â
Because now you were gently brushing your hand along Adrianâs larger frame, smiling like this was your life now and honestly? You didnât seem upset about it.
Rocky bounced again. âSTATEMENT,â the translator chimed proudly, âHUMAN FEMALE IS⌠ACCEPTABLE.â
Colt straightened. âAcceptable?! Thatâs it?!â
Another burst of tones.
ââŚCORRECTION,â the device buzzed, âHIGHLY ACCEPTABLE.â
You laughed softly and somewhere behind you, Ryland just stood there, staring at the scene like he had completely lost control of his own lifebecause not only were you not freaked out you had just been approved.
By aliens.
And worse?
They were absolutely right.