Anyway

it's such a sadness to me that kids eventually lose that 'no filter' thing when they grow up. my niece asked what 9/11 is and someone explained it to her and her unfiltered conclusion was "bro. is that it"

You know for the first 18-ish years of your life everyone your age is mostly doing the same things and then all of a sudden every year for the rest of your life somebody your age is getting divorced while somebody else just learned what a leaf is and you have no idea what’s going on or what you’re supposed to be doing

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

Could yall stop shooting each other outside my window im trying to masturbate

So this was actually the sound of my car getting stolen

old people are always like “you guys want everything to be easy” yessss queen exactly……

"I'm just a swirl" -ice cream cone who uses TikTok

easy website my ass

me when my horse named website nips my ass

I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do the dishes!

I did it! It sucked but I did it!

Christians THINK the cross is iconic but only bc they shove it down everyone’s throat I can sense the desperation. They even put a tortured emaciated man on it just to get attention it’s really gross and manipulative. meanwhile the yin yang symbol speaks for itself you don’t even have to explain it you can tell what it’s saying just on sight! It’s visually a story on its own. and if I’m being real the cross wants what the ankh has when in the wise words of ice spice it’s not even the fart.

i spot a plus size honey across the bar and start to chat her up until her bisexual boyfriend with a magic the gathering tattoo comes over and starts yelling at me so i turn him sideways so he can't make another action until his next turn

something vindictive but ultimately harmless I do at work is that if you’re at my register and you’re rude to me and you pay with cash I am finding the most disgusting desolate fucked up unspeakable coin I can to give to you. oh you were mean to me? you’re getting the yucky nickel bitch

I'm kinda shy but if youre persistent in getting to know me for 5-6 years I can be a good addition to your household