Putting the Man in Necromancer

GEORGE: No, Jerry, it’s not any pronouns! I’d know if it was any pronouns! If they used any pronouns, I would’ve defaulted to “she” by now!

JERRY: Yeah, you would have, wouldn’t you.

(LAUGH TRACK)

GEORGE: Look, Jerry, please, you gotta help me. They’re gonna be here in less than ten minutes, just ask them while I’m in the room. Ten seconds, over and done with. Please.

JERRY: You want me to ask for pronouns?

GEORGE: (FALLS UPON KNEES) JERRY I’M BEGGIN’ YOU!

JERRY: …Tell me I look butch.

GEORGE: Jerry, I - I can’t -

JERRY: See, you hesitated! What is it? Is it the shirt, the hair -

GEORGE: Jerry please, we don’t have time for this! JERRY: Ten seconds to ask your new partner what their pronouns are, and you can’t spare any time to tell me what about me passes as femme? GEORGE: …The deodorant is a bit much, I mean, peach-scented deodorant -

JERRY: I KNEW it!

(Both JERRY and GEORGE turn discreetly to listen) BRICK: Oh, thank you for asking! Any pronouns are fine!

GEORGE: AAAGH!

GEORGE: She didn’t buy my story about fleeing a sudden fire.

JERRY: You’ve got to stop defaulting to she/her.

GEORGE: ANY PRONOUNS, JERRY! She/her is a perfectly valid pronoun! I could’ve had a she/her, a they/them, a xe/xir, Jerry I could’ve had it all.

ELAINE: Still, she/her for Brick? I wouldn’t have guessed, I mean, they were more butch than Jerry.

(JERRY drops his spoon in his diner soup. George and Elaine are unphased. Laugh track.)

GEORGE: So, your relationship is going SO great, huh? With Mr. Deadname?

ELAINE: Yeah, well, I’m probably gonna cut things off. I mean, I got rid of that name for a reason, yknow? Too much baggage.

JERRY: You’re jealous he was born an Elaine?

ELAINE: Look, I don’t see what’s so bad about being an Elaine! I mean, look at me, am I not the picture perfect Elaine? I was born to be Elaine. My parents didn’t know what they were THINKING not naming me Elaine, but does he care? No. Just tosses Elaine aside like an old sandwich.

GEORGE: An old sandwich?

ELAINE: Yeah, you’d toss that out, right?

GEORGE: How old?

ELAINE: I don’t know, a week?

(GEORGE sits in quiet thought)

JERRY: Maybe he’s thinking the same thing about you.

ELAINE: What do you mean?

JERRY: Well, maybe he’s been wracking his brain trying to figure out why you’d throw away a name as perfect as…

(ELAINE glares at JERRY)

JERRY: …You know.

ELAINE: No. There’s no way. With a name like that he’s lucky anyone is even interested.

GEORGE: They have a point-

ELAINE: Default back to she/her.

GEORGE: She has a point, Jerry. Not only can I not imagine Elaine’s parents picking a name like that, I can’t imagine being an adult and choosing that name. It wouldn’t be anybody’s deadname, it shouldn’t be anybody’s name. It’s just one prolonged mistake.

ELAINE: Better name than George.

(LAUGH TRACK)

JERRY: Maybe it’s the opposite.

ELAINE: What do you mean?

JERRY: Well, maybe he picked you up because he misses having Elaine in his life.

GEORGE: You don’t think he’s…?

JERRY: No, just likes the name. Maybe he realized he’s got some attachment to the name, but he doesn’t want it for himself.

ELAINE: …I could live with that.

(LAUGH TRACK, KRAMER enters in a torn green sequin dress, wig cap, smeared make up, and holding a blonde beehive wig under one arm.)

JERRY: How long did you last?

KRAMER: I didn’t even make it on. I got into a fight with Katya Zamolodchikova.

GEORGE: Over what?

(KRAMER makes some sort of KRAMER sounds and wild hand gestures, the others nod.)

(ELAINE’S BOYFRIEND enters)

*if comfortable doing so, you may include your age range/generation in the tags for helpful demographic data

obviously how effective this is varies wildly based on the relationship, or lack thereof, that you have with the other person. but I find it effective with people who are In Your Life but don't meaningfully have any control over you. quite often it DOES result in increased directness in the future, especially if it's something I end up doing fairly often. and it's not rude; I'm just politely seeking clarification about what is being communicated. it makes the person have to think about what effect they were expecting their behavior to have on my behavior, and then just... tell me straightforwardly. but without escalating the situation or making the person feel 'called out' most of the time.

She frequently makes requests by telling me what I want, eg "oh wouldn't you like to.." "don't you think it's be nice if..."

It used to drive me up the wall, but now as an adult with better understanding of what's happening I say "Actually I'm fine with x, but I'd be happy to do y if that's what you want?"

One day she actually asked me, "Why is it so important to you that I say that y is what I want?"

and i got to say "Well I don't like being told what I want. I have enough life experience to know my own desires and limitations, and I can advocate for them when I need to. However your opinions do matter to me and I want to take them into account. It's much less stressful for me to do so when I'm not guessing what's in your mind."

And folks, she Actually Listened.

Later that day she wanted something that ended up not being possible, but because she said so directly I was able to help her find a different way to achieve the same goal!

I'm obsessed with gardening systems that utilize rainwater without the use of barrels or cisterns. My ultimate fav is using bioswales to catch and filter stormwater on the street.

Fun addition: Dams that utilize trees to catch dirt/ stop erosion, and prevent disaster that can come from broken dams.

SUSTAINABLE URBAN DRAINAGE! SUDS!

We need more of them, in the right places!

Also, using these to reduce stormwater loads in storm events, particularly in places with combined stormwater and sewage systems, could/would be helpful at reducing river discharges of raw sewage. (If climate change is factored in at system level cos more rain in less time needs to be accouted for at rhe large scale designs...)

Yes, everything about me is fucked up, but what if that was secretly awesome?