I Write… Kinda

Did she care for him?

Her son with soft bovine fur and a large flat nose.

Wide innocent eyes, hooves in place of toes.

Her little star.

Did she love him?

Sing him songs of the kingdom he would rule one day.

Teach him the constellations before they took him away.

Her little prince.

Did she mourn him?

When his body was dragged out of the dark.

Covered in so many scars and marks.

Her little boy.

Did she grieve him?

Full of rage that all he knew was cruelty.

Wishing he knew she loved him so fully.

I was crafted by the god of sleep

Slumber fills my veins

Wakefulness is hard to keep

Kept tied down in drowsy chains

One of the Sandman’s progeny

Dreams and nightmares in my head

Making music on my nocturnal journey

A deity of darkness and dread

Child of the murk and gloom

Born under a star filled sky

Granted life by the gracious moon

Mothers don’t knock on their daughters doors

“You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before”

You are just an extension of me

Your body mine to criticize

Your life mine to mold

Your stories mine to tell

Your trauma mine to share

Your friends mine to judge

Your mental illness, your quirks, voice…

Every part of you came from me

What need have you for privacy?

Eve

Knowledge of good and evil

Committing sin with every bite

Carnal juice dripping down her chin

Snow white

Death like slumber from a poisoned gift

Did she want to be awoken

Maybe she hungered for the peace

Atalanta

Glinting golden apples so cold and crisp

Distracting in their irresistible beauty

Granting and taking freedom

Eris

Discord sown with petty delight

Disputes and squabbles all in her name

To the trickiest goes the victory

Idun

Keeper of youth and giver of immortality

Overlooked and forgotten until needed most

Do you think we’ve always been like this

Do you think we’ve always yearned

Always looked up at the sky

Wondered how the stars turned

Do you think we’ve always been like this

Think we’ve always been this tense

Wanted to hurt those we see as different

Trying to build a bigger fence

Do you think we’ve always been like this

Felt that buzzing in our head

Had thoughts that seem too numerous

Rife with demons and filled with dread

Do you think we’ve always been like this

Loved with our entire soul and body

Dreamt of growing old together

I will never be a mother, my womb is a terrible beast incapable of nurture. It eats my mother instinct and any child I produced would be bereft of any love.

I will never be a lover, my heart is a lusus naturae. A deformed abomination with claws and fangs it can only bite and growl.

I will never be a caregiver, my mind is a twisted mirror maze. Shards of glass strewn throughout reflecting my darkest thoughts into infinity.

I do not fear Death. When they come for me it will be a relief. I will not go to them before my time, though sometimes I wish I could.

I do not fear what comes after. It is a mystery to us all. Some may tell you that they know, this belief brings them comfort.

There is blood on the floor again

I didn’t mean to

Some of my worst scars are the ones I caused myself

Sure this one is from my sister but I shouldn’t have taunted her. And this one is from my dog but we were playing really rough. And that one is from a tree that I knew better than to climb. And the one from that cat that I really should not have grabbed.

When I remember to put my hands on it

My life is full of pursuits not chased, projects stopped halfway and lessons uncompleted

Dry dead plants, books partway read, paintings almost done now gathering dust

Craft tools bought and barely used, skills unperfected, languages I’ll never be fluent in

The devil could tempt me with cookies

I would sell my soul for a sweet

I’d commit crime for a brownie

I’d burn the world down for some cake

I would lie, beg and steal for chocolate

I am the giver of desires and the maker of deals

You want something so bad it makes your heart ache and I can grant your every wish

I only make deals with devils

That’s how I get the world

The devil’s a wonderful dancer

Dark promise in every twirl

He holds me like I’m precious

But whispers filthy things

I know he wants my soul

I don’t care what losing it means

I only make deals with devils

I know god won’t keep his word

When the devil holds me tight

I know my enemies will burn

I feel so beautifully wicked

When he places kisses on my skin

And watch my vengeance enacted

You were so full of light I couldn’t help but follow and so bright were you I didn’t notice every step towards your luminance only lured me further into darkness.