who cares

david cage is the director of several bad video games like Heavy Rain, Beyond: Two Souls, Farenheit, and Omikron: The Nomad Soul

he also directed the upcoming Detroit: Become Human

David Cage is a complete fucking hack and his success relies almost exclusively on professional game journalists clinging to anything that superficially resembles a movie in order to prove that games are art and that their careers are legitimate 

David Cage is also a massive creepy sex pervert that regularly creeps on his female staff members, constantly makes dirty jokes at the office, and insist that his employees call him “daddy” and “papa.”

During the development of Beyond: Two Souls, David Cage assembled a massive photo book of pictures of actress Ellen Page as a child and showed this book to her as proof that he was her biggest fan. He then made a fully modeled and fully nude 3D model of her without her permission and put it in the game. Page was vocally upset about it but CURIOUSLY, the story never went anywhere. 

He’s a genuinely bad person that keeps getting work from Sony because Sony is desperate to have an “auteur” under their wing, even if that means protecting an openly creepy sex pervert that just loves putting rape scenes in EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS VIDEO GAMES. 

but then Christianity found out about it and were like “Fucking???? outside of marriage????? NO NO NO!!!” and decided it was a horrible terrible bad unlucky day and you need to be super careful of everything you do in case you die or some shit.

Kirby’s Adventure: Kirby stops the evil Nightmare, who was stealing all of Dreamland’s dreams!

Kirby’s Dream Land 2: The evil dark matter as stolen the rainbow bridge and is making people evil! Kirby saves the day!

Kirby’s Super Star, Spring Breeze: Kirby beats King Dedede after stealing all of dreamland’s food once again!

Kirby’s Super Star, Dynablade: Dynablade is harassing dreamland! Kirby however saves the day when he realizes Dynablade was only protecting her children!

Kirby’s Super Star, Metaknight’s Revenge: Metaknight attacks dreamland with his giant battleship, but kirby destroys the battleship and saves the day!

Kirby’s Super Star, Great Cave Offensive: Kirby travels through a cave!

Kirby’s Super Star, Milky Way Wishes: The nefarious Marx tricks the sun and moon into fighting, and then kirby into summoning the wish granting Star Nova so he can use it to take over dreamland, but Kirby defeats Marx and saves the day!

Kirby’s Dream Land 3: Dark Matter once again comes to take over dreamland by possesing people, but kirby beats 0 and saves the day!

Kirby 64: The evil dark matter is spreading across the universe! Kirby teams up with the Fairy Ribbon and his dreamland friends to collect the crystal shards and save the universe!

Kirby and the amazing mirror: An evil meta knight as appeared from the amazing mirror, which as a mirror’d version of kirby’s world, and Kirby is split into 4! The 4 kirbys all unite and save meta knight, and the world!

Kirby Squeak Squad: Chasing after some scoundrels who stole his cake, Kirby goes on an adventure that leads to stopping an ancient evil locked away in a chest!

Kirby’s Return to Dreamland: An Intergalactic traveler comes to dreamland asking for help! When kirby and his friends help him get his crown from his planet he… is possessed? Huh? What was that? He turns into a mutant demon?  Maglador isn’t even there anymore? that’s kinda weird…

Kirby Triple Deluxe: Now we’re back on track, some bug people are trying to take over dreamland by covering it in vines! Kirby defeats the evil queen, saving popstar and the people of the sky!

Kirby Planet Robobot: An evil intergalactic company is attempting to turn roboticitze popstar and sell it for profits! Hey wait. that’s kinda weird. isn’t that kinda like what Frieza does? But anyways then kirby defeats their leader and saves the day- ait what? The corporate dudes mind is taken over by a super computer? The computer is star nova? Haltman fucking dies? Kirby indirectly kills haltman? In true arena star dream you can hear haltmann scream when you hit the boss on the final phase? This series is getting pretty weird dud-

Kirby Star Allies: 

dad: thanks son! I really needed this today, the boys at work were making fun of my long legs again. what did you call it? :)