Uncommon Parlance

Baby boomers have to switch life situations with a millennial for a year. The millennial gets to live in their house (which they paid off like thirty or forty years ago) and work at their job that provides a good salary and benefits. The baby boomer has to live in the millennial’s shitty, overpriced apartment and struggle to pay rent and work a minimum wage part-time job as well as an unpaid internship in their (the baby boomer’s) field. 

last two letters of your first name

middle two letters of your last name

first two letters of your mother’s name

last letter of your father’s name

Humble Peasant keeps their weapons, magic items, and hold

Humble Peasant realizes that stronger and stronger adventurers are coming to claim their growing pile of loot

Humble Peasant builds traps and fortifications to keep them out

Humble Peasant procures exotic pets to help defend their home

Humble Peasant continues to amass more and more loot and attract stronger and stronger adventurers

Humble Peasant has to keep building up and fortifying their home, traps, and pets to keep the adventurers out

Humble Peasant suddenly realizes that they have accidentally built a dungeon. It’s a fucking dungeon now. It’s fortified and full of traps, monsters, and treasure, and the Humble Peasant is the boss.

Humble Peasant realizes that adventurers will never leave them alone now.

Humble Peasant hates adventurers.

okay i am going to share with you my process, something i have developed over three years of job searching to make the whole nonsense as painless and quick as it can be.

so. first things first: make a google doc. at the very top of the google doc, set up a list of links to job boards, like so, here’s a snippet of my list:

note though that these aren’t just links to idealist, linkedin, whatever - these are links to searches. sites like idealist, linkedin, and charity village let you select options like location, level of experience, and salary range in order to filter job postings. set those filters, run a search, and then copy and paste the URL of that search into your list of job boards. this way, when you click on that link, you will get a list of all the jobs that are relevant to you, updated constantly. it’s quicker than running separate, individual searches every time. i check every board on my list once a day - having the list is a simple way to save time and streamline that whole process.

so, when i open up a job board, i quickly scan it for any positions i’m eligible for.

just by looking at these listings, i can immediately rule out the first one (it’s spam) and the third one (i don’t have any real background in health sciences). but the second job? right up my alley. 

i open up the listing in a new tab and scroll right to the qualifications section to see if i’m qualified - no point reading an entire listing only to find out that i’m missing some mandatory criterion, like, idk, speaking spanish, or having a law degree. here’s what that section looks like in the horton’s kids listing:

i have every one of these qualifications, so, great, i can add this to my list.

remember that google doc with the list of job boards at the top? add another section: jobs to apply for. create entries for each listing that look something like this:

the name of the organization is a link to the job ad. i’ve also got the title of the job, the website of the organization, the day the ad was posted, the day i have to apply by, the day i DID apply (which i will fill in once i apply, and bump this to the “jobs i have applied for” section), and then a list of required elements of the application and any relevant details.

the next thing you need to do, and by far the hardest component of applying for jobs, is to write a cover letter. make it a good one. and by this, i don’t mean, “sit down and write out a page-long cover letter for every single job you apply to” - i mean, write a strong cover letter that describes who you are and what your qualifications are, and include a couple of places where you can “personalize” the letter to include details that are specific to the job posting. basically, just write a really good canned cover letter and include three or four sentences that specifically address the job and why you are what they specifically are looking for. if you’re applying for different types of jobs, you can have different types of canned cover letters - for instance, i have separate cover letter templates for communications jobs, administrative jobs, policy jobs, and lgbtq/feminist organization jobs. each one highlights different pieces of my resume that are relevant to those areas, and all i have to do is plug in a few details about the specific posting. but spend time on these canned cover letters. make them good. make them not sound canned.

anyway, once you’ve written your cover letter, send the e-mail, attach the resume, and move the listing to the “jobs i have applied for” section. do this as quickly as possible. like, ideally, the day the posting goes up. never wait for the deadline to submit an application. i like to colour code listings, just for personal convenience - yellow = the deadline hasn’t passed yet, red = rejection, green = you’ve been asked to interview. oh and number your applications.

once you’ve submitted your job application, keep track of any developments in your application like this:

honestly as someone who lives with an anxiety disorder, and for whom job applications are especially stressful, this approach works for me because it’s so systematic. i don’t have to agonize over every single little detail. i can just scan my job boards, make an entry on my list, send a cover letter and resume, and move tf on. and as long as my cover letter is good and i’m attentive about sending applications in as soon as i can, i don’t sacrifice quality.