You Die If You Try

let it be known that i touch grass frequently and I’m still like this.

a single, solitary, earth-shattering note thunders across the battlefield like a tsunami.

ice water is awesome because you get more water in your water

you think youre out of water but then you check back in five minutes and woah! theres more water! the world is so beautiful

what they don’t tell you is that it lives inside you until you let it out

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

the art of leaving things unsaid because saying them won’t change a thing.