Ask The Pasta's!

imagine a comedian in the year 2035 and they're just like "i was a teenager, and i had tumblr in 2020. i had tumblr in 2020. the only kids who had tumblr in 2020 were too gay for instagram and too neurodivergent for tiktok. i was trapped in a house in the middle of a pandemic with tumblr as my connection to the outside world. tumblr. every single one of the users called it a hellsite, and we were right, but we were all too afraid of the outside world to leave it. and that's not even talking about what happened in 2021. Tumblr in 2020. Fuck," and most of the audience is tiktok or instagram users but there's one tiny sliver who had tumblr and they're just nodding along

“i wrote fanfiction! and don’t you dare judge me for that because i know for a fact every single one of you at least had stories in your heads about fictional characters. even the aces and aros who couldn’t care less about the hot people were desperate for a lovely found-family fic because of the crippling loneliness felt by all teenagers. so we all wrote fanfiction. but i wrote fanfiction in 2020 on tumblr. you are all correct in thinking that i was both a nerd and depressed as hell, and you’ll be happy to know i’m still both of those things.”

“and of course i’m struggling in school because i was neurodivergent and gay in 2020, and to escape from that i go to TUMBLR. and that never cheered you up. going from schoolwork and the throes of depression to tumblr is like going from getting hit by a truck to getting hit by a plane. they’re both really bad, but one of them you’re never going to expect to hit you. and i met some lovely people on tumblr, of course, but it was 2020. finding out about politics through fucking destiel is not worth all the humans in the goddamn world.”

“and so you’re neurodivergent and gay and on tumblr on 2020 and you have no idea what the fuck is going on ever. but every time something happens, every other social media website is treating it like something new and shocking and meanwhile tumblr is sitting in a flaming floating garbage can and watching this happen like ‘Yup. Same shit.’ and all the other people in your life are like ‘it’s a catastrophe! you have to be talking and thinking about this all the time!’ and you’re like ‘i want to cry and also bury myself in the mud to live with the snails and the crabs! please don’t tell me this!’ but then they DO. and then we win georgia but no one fucking cares because in the spanish dub a character from a show i have never seen said ‘y yo a ti’ which overshadows the entire goddamn election.”

i’ve seen you fuckers trying to bring this post back. don’t you dare. do you know how many times i had to read tags along the lines of “op is john mulaney”

goddammit i am not john mulaney i will not be mistaken for a fucking chicagoan

there needs to be something about how everyone keeps saying “tumblr is dead!” and we’re out here like the one thing from Brother Bear going “stop telling people we’re dead!”

excuse me none of you should be saying that we’re not dead that is our DEFENSE MECHANISM if twitter and instagram believes we are deceased they will not invade here! get back in your graves and be quiet

i’m late by like 5 days but happy birthday to the worst post i ever made. so many people have called me john mulaney by now that i’m starting to wonder if i could be sued for identity theft. time for 2022 everyone let’s make it as uneventful as possible

can y’all just… like or reblog if y’all are polyam-safe blogs

Laughing Jack learns how to use the internet and Ben goes through his search history to find the only thing typed into the search bar is “kids falling down 10 hour compilation”