the moon's girlfriend

take your carriage very slowly by your rival’s home, that she might see your latest hat

Eat your heart Catherine, you toad-eating hag.

Elizabeth, you must surely be aware that I am unable to view the roads from my apartments due to the vastness of my estate…

Oh, please do forgive my mistake, Catherine, I had only assumed you could see from that ostentatiously high pedestal atop of which you have placed yourself

im horny but like horny to cuddle

you’re lonely

A roomba but instead of a robot its just a bunch of rats taped under a frisbee

dave benjamin barnes and buster jerry noble

dave “mike” benjamin barnes and buster “ike” jerry noble

Sometimes absolute obliviousness is a useful skill. 

visualize your ideal self, then start acting like her