seeing the way people comment about my writing makes me so happy, i know i haven't written in a long long time but to see people still enjoying my stuff makes my heart just explode heheh
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i feel so bad,,, i miss writing and i miss engaging with the people who enjoy my writing :( I just cant write anymore, im full of ideas but nothing comes out when i try to write something.
a year ago today, i overdosed. i was the lowest i've ever been and i had every intention of not making it through the night. i'm so proud of myself for making it this far and for growing and changing for the better.
i want to use this post to not only thank my friends and family for supporting me endlessly and making me feel whole again but also to myself for working so hard to change my mindset and grow as a person. i'm so proud of all i achieved in the year since my overdose and i wish i could go give my past self a hug and tell her it will all be okay.
a massive shoutout to @trixareforlix, who i made friends with shortly after my attempt and who has changed my life massively for the better. tinie i adore you and thank you for being such a positive role model for me.
that being said, if any of my followers need someone to talk to about their mental health my dms and inbox are open for you! i will ALWAYS be there to listen because i would not wish that awful empty feeling on anyone, you are loved and your life is more than precious. you DESERVE to live and to have everything you've ever wanted.
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I know Iāve been gone for a long time... Iām sorry. Most of you wont want to see this and followed me for my writing but this has been an almighty year for me and I need somewhere to talk about it. Iām warning you, this will not be a light post so read at your own discretion.Ā
So, my 2019.Ā
Started off poor. On January 11th I overdosed on painkillers and ended up in hospital after being found by my dad. I was given support and now have strategies in place to deal with my feelings.Ā
My parents decided to get divorced. They are still going through this divorce (its going to get messy) and I know they are better off without each other but I canāt help but feel heartbroken over the loss of my close family. Due to this I now have a step family, as my dad has moved on. His new girlfriend is lovely and her two children are equally as nice (my 10 year old step sister sent me a card after meeting me). My mum has been on dates and has had a few boyfriends that haven't stuck around. I really fucking hated the first and refused point blank to meet him because of how uncomfortable he made me feel, my feelings towards him were correct though as he really upset my mum.Ā
Moving on from family, letās talk about school. What a fucking journey that was this year. I had my A-level exams, which I passed all of them with an A, B and C! This meant I secured a place at my first choice of university which I now attend! I am studying Psychology & Criminology if anyone wanted to know...Ā
This year I also passed my driving test on the 11th of March! This meant that I had freedom to actually go places which was incredible for me as before I was confined to my tiny town. This led to other developments in my life. First being a job. I started working at a nightclub in my local town (I still work there now when I come home from uni) and I really do enjoy it. Through this job I met the boy I would lose my virginity to (big mistake) and he ended up cheating on me which I found out on my birthday. Iām over it now and see my mistakes and I donāt regret it.Ā
I also reconnected with two friends I had lost the previous year! My best friend and soulmate, who I adore and a close childhood friend who is studying in Amsterdam now!Ā
So, moving on from that lets talk about university. Itās amazing and awful all at the same time. In some ways its already made me into a better and stronger person but in the same way itās broken me. The actual academic side isn't a problem, I achieved an A- on my presentation and B+ās in my exams! However itās cripplingly lonely, staring at the same 4 walls of my bedroom all day and having no one to talk to. Granted, I have made some lovely friends who I cherish, but the environment I am living in is not good for my mental health.Ā
This being said, I am not in the greatest health right now... Last week I was hospitalised due to having a chest infection for two months which then moved into my throat as tonsillitis, they made me stay there overnight and have a drip as well as steroids and antibiotics! Wasnāt my finest moment but Iām getting better now Iām at home and have the resources to look after myself.Ā
All in all 2019 was one of the best and worst years of my life. I lost a lot of people around me and lost a lot of myself but I am slowly regaining that. Iām so excited for this next year to make things right and love myself the way I should! I have plans for writing as well, which if youāve read this far hopefully youāll be excited for... Thank you for being a part of this year and thank you for still following me, I hope that I can redeem myself with writing!Ā
first off i would like to apologise for my absence (in case anyone cared) but this year has been incredibly hard for me for many reasons. family problems accelerated as well as school causing me a lot of stress but itās over now !! also in august it passed the 1 year mark of writing and iām so grateful for all the support on my writing!!
so, life update! I finished my alevel exams and got accepted to my first choice of university, which i move to in less than 2 weeks! i will be studying psychology and criminology (my passion since i was young)
hopefully, over the next few weeks i will be able to begin writing as believe it or not iāve been planning so many things for SO long and i want to share them all with you!
Hey...I feel so horrible coming back after such a long silence but it's better later than never, right...? Ahh...I'm so sorry for leaving without saying anything. The whole Hanbin situation got me in a really bad state and I didn't really feel like I was collected enough to talk to anybody...I really feel bad about it but if you're ok with it I'd love to come back to your inbox. But also I completely understand if I'm not welcome anymore. Love you+your writing, never give it up - š
hi darling!!
iāve missed you so much and was thinking about you earlier. iām sorry to hear how badly the situation affected you, it broke my heart as well. i hope youāre doing better!!
you are always welcome in my inbox, this is a safe space and honestly please donāt ever feel like you arenāt welcome because you took a break, iāve been massively inactive too and have only just started planning my new works... so we can all rejoice over coming back!
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Iām sorry for being so inactive,,,, I have my first of 9 exams today and I have been doing nothing but studying for the last few weeks. I finish these exams in mid June, so hopefully Iāll be able to come back to writing after that!Ā
Good luck to any of my followers who have their exams right now (in the UK itās GCSE and A-Level season) and I wish you all the best!Ā
Would anyone be interested if I started writing for Itzy? i love them so so much and I donāt see a lot of content for them so message me if you want something specific!Ā
Request:Ā can you write ANYTHING for me choi chanhee? thereās now chanhee content and it makes me sad
A/N:Ā here you go love! Hope you enjoy and this makes you happy!
Genre:Ā Fluff!Ā
Warnings: None!
Okay so we all know heās the softest boy in the world
That would just intensify as your boyfriendĀ
Like he would be so kind towards you even before you got togetherĀ
Uses that little uwu voiceĀ
You know the one? Of course you doĀ
Heās such a giving boyfriend, would do anything for youĀ
Youāre sad? Time for cuddles!
Youāre stressed? Time for a smooch!
He just gives you so much of his time and affection
Very very good at making sure he divides his time to make sure you get good time with him and he also does his workĀ
Can be kind of distant sometimes when heās stressedĀ
But always lets you know if heās going to take some time away from his phone/ other people
Because he is considerate of your feelingsĀ
Honestly one of his favourite things is just to cuddle and watch TV togetherĀ
Really enjoys spending chill time with you and being kinda lazy togetherĀ
But he also loves to go out for coffee with youĀ
He will ALWAYS pay
No ifs, ands or buts.Ā
And he also loves to take pictures of youĀ
You could just be existingĀ
Heās taking a pictureĀ
Youāre sipping your drink?Ā
Heās taking a pictureĀ
because he loves capturing memories and being able to look at them while heās practising so he can get motivation
I also see him being super into planning for the futureĀ
If you guys are serious he would love to talk for hours about moving in togetherĀ
Getting petsĀ
What youāre gonna name the petsĀ
If you want children how many and what to call themĀ
How the house is going to be decoratedĀ
He could go on for hours and hours talking about these thingsĀ
Itās something that makes him feel super motivated and optimistic for the futureĀ
It makes him want to get up in the morning and work 10 times harder because he WILL make this happen for you bothĀ
I see him wanting to give you a promise ringĀ
Because he thinks itās cute and of course being an idol means heāll be away and wonāt be able to go public about your relationship for a while
But the ring is a reminder that he will always love youĀ
And to just keep waiting for that day he can finally tell the world about youĀ
He doesnāt really feel the need to show you offĀ
Or brag about having you as his s/oĀ
Heās just so happy and grateful to have you and likes your relationship to be between the two of youĀ
Kind of private in that sense, like he doesnāt need a lot of pda
Doesnāt mind hand holding or a kiss goodbye in front of his membersĀ
But really isnāt the person to walk around and make it clear to every YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER AND IN LOVEĀ
Itās just not his style, he likes it being subtle and privateĀ
Kind of likeās it when you take chargeĀ
Not in a spicy way but more like planning dates and stuffĀ
He enjoys seeing you make the decision and then following along with your plansĀ
Because he trusts you to do a good job in whatever you doĀ
Is so good at hyping you up without even making it seem like heās doing it
Heās doesn't directly inflate your ego but but is so so so good at making you feel confident and motivatedĀ
Just subtle little words of encouragementĀ
Or a little glance and nod of his headĀ
Heās just good at that non-verbal communicationĀ
Sends you cute little messages throughout the day
Just a few hearts at like 2pmĀ
And then a picture of a dog surrounded by hearts at 4pmĀ
It can be like 1am and heāll just message you with a simpleĀ āI love youāĀ
Heās clingy but not in a physical wayĀ
Like he doesnāt need to be touching you all the timeĀ
Or even around you all the time heās fine with a little time apartĀ
But he always needs to know you love him
Heās emotionally quite needy and wants to be reminded heās loved and wantedĀ
But will never go out of his way to get your attentionĀ
Because he respects you, your space and whatever youāre up to in that day
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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š„Dragons: easily excited and likes being the centre of attention, warm heart and friendly to everyone, secretly holds grudges, likes adrenaline rushes
šFaeries: loves floral scents, often loses track of time by being in the clouds too much, sings along to the radio, gets sad when they think about their past
šøNymphs: dancers, loves being in the middle of nature, easily infatuated by love, knows a lot of flower species, sleepy most of the time, likes routine
šMermaids: emotional but a bit detached, calmed by solitude, acts naĆÆve but knows everything, secretive about true feelings, good at reading people
šAngels: loves strawberries & literature, canāt stop admiring beautiful people, avoids conflict, blushes a lot when they get embarrassed, smiles easily, caring
šElves: eloquent speakers or thinkers, constant sarcastic internal monologue, very competitive but they donāt show it, acts cold but are secretly soft
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