merci pour le venin

life is just like you embarrass the shit out of yourself and then you die

being anticapitalist with a strong work ethic is so fucking embarrassing like my managers don't deserve this

shaking my head while working overtime to clarify I disapprove of the situation

i can still jack off.

no matter how bad it gets you can always touch yourself

not to alarm anyone but is anybody else worried about how everybody is fucking stupid

ten years ago you were so scared of such different things, but you survived them anyway. the same goes for five years ago and two years ago. everything that has ever felt like a hurdle, you’ve passed through. so be afraid, identify your fears, and then allow yourself to remember that in just a little while, this will be another thing that you have overcome.

Life is so scary now you can’t even eat a meal by yourself with the risk of some tiktoker pulling out their phone to film you and overlay it w sad music and a caption like “I saw this lonely loser fuck eating dinner by himself so I decided to pay $1 of his dinner bill 🥺💔❤️‍🩹🥹🥲”

No, no. I can have one more shot, I swear. I won’t start behaving like a flamboyantly gay pansy stock character in a pre-code film again. I swear. You can trust me. Darling, you must trust me.

dating me is cool you get 60 texts saying i want to bite you

Honestly I’d be really scared if somebody matched my freak

people vaguely saying 'the horrors' as shorthand for 'life problems, don't worry about it' in conversations where the problems are not going to be delved into has got to be one of my favorite new Ways Of Speaking that has emerged. like it's polite and vague and succinct enough for impersonal conversation but also extremely honest. it's very funny. The Horrors. we all know of them.

whats the fucking point of having laws if people can keep making led headlights