Sometimes You Just Have To Let Things Go

And just like that, you’re gone again.

I guess this time it is my fault. I don’t know how to live without self sabotaging. I told you who I am and you said you’d stay, but I guess there’s only so much a person can take before walking away. I’m sorry. I did try. I still don’t know why I’m like this.

I hope you come back to yourself too. I hope to one day see you happy, from a distance I’ll smile and remember you fondly. I hope someone lights your heart up with joy and I hope they don’t run or shut down on themselves. I hope they’ve healed before choosing to love you. I hope you don’t run either. I hope you learn to have the tough conversations instead of shutting them out.

Things could have been different for us. But we both avoided the tough conversations and it tore us apart. I knew I was destroying us, but you didn’t even try to save us. Despite everything you said, you gave up before I could recenter myself. You mimicked my behavior, but how could that solve anything?

Mentally justifying the distance I’ve created with those I love. I convince myself that the end would be easier for them, it won’t hurt them as much, because they’ve already let me go slowly while I was standing right here. Because who would want to keep someone around when they can’t explain their own shifts in mood. When I have no explanation for being bright and vibrant and caring one day but numb and cold and distant the next.