You Must Learn To Join The Dance

scope me in a fist fight with parshat re'eh in the back of a United Dairy Farmer's

when god closes a door you reach your little paws under it and go mrrwwaaaooow mmreeaaow

Booty shorts that say "does not have split hooves or chew cud."

a tape is like a torah scroll

Rolling the scroll back up at the end of Simchat Torah and it makes the VCR rewinding sound

For our first date and for our most important date 💜💛

Note to self: remember to take a picture of my favorite gay comic for the start of pride

I really love it when people include their pets in religious activities. Of course your bird also gets a christmas present, of course you'll get your cat her own prayer mat so she can mirror you without interrupting, sure you can do a welcoming-a-new-family-member-home ritual for your new puppy. The animal has no idea what's going on in a spiritual level, just that this is a Human Activity and they're getting included because they are very loved.

Hillel: put your right foot in Gentile: done Hillel: now take it out Gentile: ..Ok Hillel: put your other foot in, shake it all about Gentile: wait what? Hillel: what is hateful to you do not do to another Hillel: that's what it's all about

it’s not against halacha, technically, but it is a dick move