i dont give a fuck ill kinkshame myself

“too much garlic” whats next? too much love?

Like imagine if someone brought you something weird but understandable contained in a material that they said was made out of wood and you could tell that it’s clearly made out of wood they’re not lying about that but it was also completely transparent and see through with no visible flaws. That’s about the level of weird we’re talking about here.

What the fuck I feel like a medieval peasant seeing an iPhone

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love the trope where an authoritative side character pointedly pretends not to help the hero they’re not supposed to be helping by saying shit like “well I can’t just let you wander around up to the THIRD FLOOR where you could just FIND THE THING YOU NEED in the FIRST ROOM ON THE LEFT. And under no circumstances should you USE THE KEY FROM UNDER THE MAT. I wish I could help you, but I CAN’T. Now excuse me, I need to take this phone call for the next 37 minutes EXACTLY.”

My doctor did that for me once. I had to get an expensive brain scan and she was like ‘do you smoke?’ and I was like ‘no’ and she was like “well that’s a pity because the government will pay for this expensive brain scan if you had been a smoker so - do you smoke?” 🤣🤣🤣 I was like ‘yes’ and she’s like ‘oh wow then this scan will be free’

Putting zucchini in everything is the opposite of a guilty pleasure. It's a purifying penance that absolves you of all sin.

the menstrual cup and menstrual scepter

I’m not ok… ouaougou,,,…,.,.,,,,,,,ahh..snf,,,…..,.,.,,,,

Just went to a place I go to more often near work and I got a “oh! It’s you!! :D” from one of the baristas when I gave my order. Made my day :)

Update: me and the most common coffee shop I go to’s baristas and I are now friends :)

PEOPLE ARE SAYING IM AN AU OR PROMPT IM NOT A PROMPT IM A REAL BOY I PROMISE

Additional update: I wrote a good review/feedback for the coffee shop and corporate really liked my review, so now everyone in the coffee shop knows my name, knows I gave the review because my order is unique, and I was given a free breakfast sandwich in appreciation.

Seeing people reblog this post with tags along the lines of “humanity is good” makes me so happy man. My singular goal in life is if I manage to have a conversation with a person and they walk away at least a bit happier than before, I’ve succeeded in my life’s mission. My impact on the world might not be huge but to those around me and the few that I interact with, spreading that little bit of joy can mean do much to others and watching that joy impact others is truly amazing.

That's what humans are supposed to be about 🩷

sometimes it’s They Would Not Fucking Get Married but sometimes it’s just They Would Not Have A Fucking Wedding. send those characters to the courthouse on a tuesday or so help me

a summer drink will save you & a summer fruit will save you & a glass of water will kiss you silly

I just want everyone to eat well and get old

every single one of us should have the chance to get old and bald and wrinkly and fat. I mean that sincerely

blood spray is just another kind of cumshot