RandomCitizen

2002: I'm living in Chicago, working at Booklist Magazine. I've just begun to recover from what used to be called a nervous breakdown. I was out of the hospital, living on my own in a furnished studio apartment that my parents had found. I only had one bill to pay every month--it included my phone (landline), utilities, and rent.

I was paying that bill. I was beginning to feel for the first time like I might be able to survive adulthood--despite the heartbreak and my overall low level of functioning.

I woke up at 2 or 3 AM to watch the World Cup each day. I've loved the World Cup ever since 1994, when my dad took me to a game the first time the tournament was hosted by the U.S. I remember watching alone in the middle of the night as we beat Mexico to make the quarterfinals. I was ecstatic. That team wasn't particularly fun to watch, but we ground out results.

Today, 24 years later, the USMNT won a knockout game again, and this team IS fun to watch. They play with speed and heart.

My life is very different. I have more than one bill each month. My house has more than one room. I have a spouse and kids and work I love. The days now can be very hard, too, but in a different way.

I DID THIS IM VERY PROUD OF IT YOU KNOW WHY

BECAUSE

WAIT FOR IT

Gold ring, greybeard, trippin’ on the mushrooms

Blood-mad Nazgul trashin’ the hotel room

We don’t care

We got to Rivendell across the stream

And everybody’s like

Mountains, dwarf mines, presents from the Elf Queen

Rowboats, rock paths, Gollum on a rope leash

We don’t care

Honestly tho, in terms of lazy chill I don’t think anyone’s gonna beat this bear:

And let’s not forget the time an entire pride of ten lions decided to take a nap in a single tree

on the other hand...

Yes, I was tearing through books constantly, and talking to this teacher at least weekly. Because even though I always loved reading as a kid, literature was always a very weak subject for me in terms of a teaching-to-standardized-test school setting (I just do awful on "what color were the curtains" type multiple choice questions. Those details don't stick in my memory THEY JUST DON'T). But that didn't matter for this class. I could just read my way out of any bad test score. I have always had fond memories of how I "fudged" my way through that class and "abused' the extra credit policy.

Kansetsu Hashimoto 1883-1945

Poetic Sanctum

VHS — permanent marker on paper, 23 × 30 inches, 2010

22

of these magnificent ancient creatures still alive on this world. and I was aware of this at that age because nearly half of them were in a very secretive building on a hilltop near my house, in a last ditch effort by conservation scientists to breed and raise babies.

fifteen. Just born. this season. I cry tears of joy.