i truly believe that we're only put on this earth to hang out

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

Since you don’t respect my opinion anyway, quit pestering me to fill out a survey after every single consumer experience. I keep wondering who looks at these surveys. Is the CEO sitting in his wood-paneled office, reading each individual response on an old-timey stock ticker? If so, you can keep doing this. If not, I rate this experience zero stars out of infinity.

so i put my hands up theyre playing my song the evil skull flies away

parents love giving you job hunting advice that's like Have you tried destroying and betraying yourself for nothing

sorry kids daddy lost all his money betting on rhinoceros beetle fights again there won't be a christmas this year

good news babies, momma just cleared some chump of everything. Two christmases this year. God i love beetles fighting