not that you ever take me to the opera

Try this one simple trick to go to Bear Valhalla

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

love island should introduce a "scheming eunuch" islander who is like a smart and completely asexual islander exempt from being kicked off or being made to participate in any challenges and they're just there to provide advice and be a sort of sounding board for the other islanders when they need a disinterested party to talk things through with. but the scheming eunuch has secret goals unbeknownst to anyone e.g. a cash prize for talking a certain couple into breaking up etc.

The duality of man is thinking “children cannot help themselves and we all need to be patient with them as they explore what it means to be human in public” and also “damn, I wish this crying baby was not on the plane rn :/“

Just as courage is not the absence of fear but doing the brave thing in spite of it, patience is not the absence of irritation but doing the kind thing in spite of it.

im no longer warning people about the sixties sfx in tos instead grabbing them by the shoulders and screaming there are aliens made of bubble wrap and latex and so much glitter. most of the episodes are blatantly filmed in southern california or three rotating sets featuring either pink orange or blue rocks. people jump off walls and pirouette when they get "punched". the ship beeps. a lot. too much for realism. spock goes into heat. dont worry about it. the point is there is no BUT. im not going to say "its very silly but its fun" ENOUGH! it's silly AND it's fun!!!!you will learn to love it all because when was the last time you looked at bubble wrap and a back garden and saw another world? remember how much fun it was? do you want to try again?!?!! do you want to play!!!!

Just escaped from Hell thanks to the incredibly convenient road leading directly out! Apparently it was paved with good intentions? Thanks for those, everybody! They worked out great, just like always!

#i. yeah. terribly profound in a fairy-tale way #there was a door-to-door religion salesman i talked to when i little; kept hammering on about people getting tempted down the Road to Ruin #and i (genuinely confused) asked why more people didn't follow because surely Ruin was the best place to go if you wanted to help #he looked poleaxed and wandered away. i guess i can't blame him - i was about 9 and looked maybe 6. so that must have been unnerving for him #but that was my confusion with the whole heaven/hell set-up for years; surely heaven needs saints like a fish needs a bicycle #hell is where there is work to do (tags via @thoughtsformtheuniverse)

queer discourse final boss

one time i told a group of lesbian and bi women that i have never watched wicked and they were shocked, gagged, gooped, “but you’re queer. you like pussy. how have you not seen wicked?” yeah. well. i like pussy, not musicals?

“are you going to the lucy dacus concert?” no. i listen to gucci mane.