turkey soup for the soul

the phrase “when pigs fly” is very outdated because the police have helicopters

cute things to call your girlfriend: 1. sugar  2. honey  3. flour  4. egg  5. 1/2lb butter  6. stir  7. pour into pan  8. preheat to 375°

“I’m an adult” I whisper as I try not panic while I’m filling in all those forms that I don’t understand.

If you’re like sleep spooning a centaur and they roll over in bed do you just die

sleep on her back, then you’ll just roll off if she shifts

Centaur Comfort Mattress™: The Horse Hole Keeps Your Bones Safe

This is kind of horrifying

holy shit

someday, in the distant future, humans will once again be capable of hearing the phrase “what is love” without also feeling the primal urge to  respond with “baby don’t hurt me”

So at that point, people will say “baby don’t hurt me”…no more?

I tried to scroll past I really did

beautiful set up, perfect follow-through. great teamwork everyone

You're telling me, a chicken fried this rice

In Japanese, they don’t say “moon,” they say “tsuki,” which literally translates to “moon,” and I think that’s how language works.

Why are there 2 A’s in Aaron? Why not 6? What’s stopping us?

i feel like im in the sims where it takes 5 hours to make pasta and then u have to immediately go to bed