TunaMayo

Pushing me on the ground

Invisible hands

Covering my mouth

Reinforcing the walls

Isolating form who could throw me a rope

Mind is sedated, hidden in heavy fog

So much to say but my mouth is closed

Can’t move a finger

should i be quieter for you to love me?

would you tolerate me if i were more transparent?

cause i feel like i’ll never be good enough to deserve your approval

so maybe if i disappear

if i reduce myself to nothing

can’t even remember what sadness is,

why i was angry once? i’m so euphoric…”

but then a tiny event happens and all i know is anger, screams, loneliness, depression.

“have i ever been happy? i don’t think so.”

away from my dirty soul, from my anger.

it’s been four month since i last was suicidal

and now at this point when i’m the happiest i’ve ever been in my life, i just can’t understand how could i think that what i was going through was normal

how could i convince myself that i wasn’t THAT ill even when i was literally about to end it all

how could i believe that i didn’t need help because maybe there was someone out there more ill than me.

you are valid, don’t let nobody or yourself make you believe otherwise.

please reach out for help, there is no “no ill enough”, and if you feel like you don’t have someone to tell it to, message me instead of bottling up everything, doesn’t matter if we know each other or are complete strangers