Tulle & Flora

24 yrs, 5 feet, 150 lbs, dress size 10 

Two hours before this photo was taken, I was standing in the shower crying my eyes out wishing my mother were alive to tell me how beautiful I was. Instead my fiancé was nervously standing outside the shower stall reassuring me that I was not a disgusting blob of a human being who did not deserve his love. I felt such self-loathing because six months after purchasing my dress, it would not zip up all the way.

I could go on about how as I child I was taunted on a regular basis about my weight and how it has negatively affected my self-image, but the sad fact is I am still being taunted to this day. Only now it’s the endless bridal magazines that only feature women who are 50 pounds lighter and a foot taller than me. It’s the middle-aged women at my work that are constantly giving me weight loss tips without having asked for them. It’s my personal trainer reminding me that they can take my dress in two sizes when I have made it clear my ultimate goal is health, not weight loss. It’s my grandma who was adamant that I should not get a wedding dress one size up to be more comfortable because six months is a long time to lose 10 pounds.

WELL GUESS WHAT SOCIETY! I HAVE CURVES AND THEY ARE DAMN SEXY. Why is it that on the happiest day of my life I should be a starving skeleton-like version of myself? I want to be round and soft so I can embrace my family and friends with an abundance of my being. I refuse shrink myself to fit unrealistic, corrupt standards of beauty. 

I just really want to know, who decided that becoming a bride means giving permission to be scrutinized? Just because I am a bride, does not give you permission to talk about my weight or assume that I am on a “bridal diet”. There is this revolutionary concept that all women are allowed to love the bodies they have.