fuck it, we ball

Not every story is about seeing yourself in it. Sometimes it’s about learning to see other people too.

they call me cultured

on account of all the bacteria

Straight women playing lesbians do that weird poking their lips out so they can do that ridiculous Charlie Brown peck on the lips. And straight men playing gays smash their faces together with enough force to break each other’s noses

sometimes u just gotta do things because 12 y/o you would think you’re literally the coolest for doing those things

i know every bug. btw

personally

men love being tied to chairs and gagged it makes them feel masculine it's the same as working in an office

this is very funny bc i went to a class on gay cowboy bondage that discussed hypermasculinity in the practice and basically made this exact point but like, unironically

a class on what

The amount of time that the Ancient Egyptian civilisation lasted is just so mind boggling. It lasted over 3000 years. That's such an insane amount of time. It ended around 30BC meaning that it will only be extinct for as long as it existed in around 950 years. Cleopatra lived closer to the invention of bitcoin than the building of the pyramids of Giza. They were already ancient to her. What the fuck

We have a records from the time of Ramses II of ancient Egyptians doing archeology on monuments that were already a thousand years old to them.

ancient egyptian archeologists. ancient egyptian archeologists. excuse me i have to go lay down and think about things

*taps a microphone* hey, uh, anyone see that new tumblr update where long posts are partially hidden? but when you click “expand” the posts aren’t even that long? yeah, heh, it looks like tumblr’s got the same definition of “long” that my ex-boyfriend did. *two drums and a cymbal fall from the ceiling and i am instantly killed*

hey folks, uh…looks like we got ourselves a heckler here! well, heh, if you’re looking for a short joke…maybe you should check my ex-boyfriend’s pan- *a cane violently pulls me offstage while scott joplin’s “the entertainer” blares over the loudspeakers*

LOVE IS THE WHOLE POINT. OF IT ALL

Tell me more about life 17 year old on the internet

ok die alone then idc

JOE BIDEN GOT COVID

Always covid never fingered to completion

nooo not the weight of it all lol

yesterday my date made me promise to "not talk to any random russians this time" only for me to immediately become best friends with a kosovan gang member. saved on a technicality

"why did you have to promise that you won't talk to russian people in in first place" because after a certain amount of alcohol i enter a stage of inebriation my friends have dubbed "russian hour" in which the duolingo trained part of my brain takes over and i sniff out russian speaking people like a bloodhound and exitedly talk to them until i am physically dragged away.

this. this is the goal.