when she says she doesn’t send nudes

when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes

when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia

When Russia sends you nudes

when you realize you have a developed a crush

things i’m good at:

seaglass bones and silver scales strewn across the beach sands; looks like a fairytale happened here, like a mermaid swam to shore and fell in love with sunshine. all these dancing twists and tales of true love’s kiss and curses, secret deals and secret sacrifice, yet nothing can compare to light glistening on the surface of the sea a mermaid fights her way ashore, bathes herself in sand and stars; her sisters down in the deep below spin seaweed into ocean art and pin it to their coral castle walls. the strum of seasongs bright in their aquamarine veins, a thousand sailor hearts clutched in pearl-tipped nails dripping blood to the rhythm of the ocean’s nighttime tides oh, i saw a mermaid once, and she had a siren smile, a seafoam heart, saltwater in her tears, waiting for the day she might look upon the sun again

I'm at work and I'm about to cry. I don't want to cry, can you say something funny?