I Like Biting Things @triceratops-skeleton - Tumblr Blog

me when a fictional woman decides not to get an abortion

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Every glimpse into my cousins life baffles me more. She wants to be a trad wife and today she said “my mom says you gotta find a man who is nice and has good teeth and a nice mom because pretty much everything else is changeable” girl is this how people normally act about finding a partner. That’s incomprehensible to me

#also a little baffled bc teeth situations are kinda changeable #I think nice teeth here is actually a socioeconomic status indicator #you really want to marry a project?#yikes dude

kingfucko

i dont care if monday sucks... tuesday cost me sixty bucks... wednesday thursday give no fucks. it's friday im a duck

It's Friday, I'm is bugs

#friday i’m in love #except I only have one line #but it’s my vibe rn #not even Friday

vulpinesaint

quiz enjoyers! i am now inviting you to come create something in my workshop❕

vulpinesaint

many people having a wonderful time engaging in the act of creation

#whagt #just shoot me next time man

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Same vibe as that quote like “in the face of such great loss what can you do but breathe deeply; the world is a little quieter now.” Absolute vibe. Would run from heartbreak and get hit by a car to this song. Perhaps drown my lover who has gone dark but ultimately fail and they get a symbolic evil baptism that haunts them for years. U get the vibe

#Bastille #eve & paradise lost #ampersand album Bastille #music #Spotify

At circle k, tried to buy brownie at the machine checkout. Machine says “who is this? Please scan barcode 😌” and there is no barcode. See a pile of abandoned brownies next to checkout

#imo if they cant be bothered to make it possible for me to pay for it then it’s probably free #there was exactly one employee and she was restocking shelves #I’m not bothering her

venndaai

have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.

venndaai

they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.

their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.

longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years

toxic flesh

has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.

lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion

largest genome of any shark

eats everything including moose and polar bears

ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you

fluorescentbrains

this post prompted me to refresh my memory on Greenland Shark Facts and this detail about how they feed goes so hard

just vacuuming up their unsuspecting prey. whole !

muffinlance

Good news good news good news! Recent research suggests the eye parasites do NOT blind them!

Dorota Skowronska-Krawczyk sits in her office, eyes fixed on the computer monitor in front of her. "You see it move its eye," says the UC Ir

I <3 you a normal amount Greenland sharks

Imagine no burger

transfemininomenon

good god when the onions and garlic hit the olive oil..........

bumblebeesnees

Panties hit the FLOOR

transfemininomenon

you know it sister

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Sometimes love is letting a child navigate the map for you through places you already know

#she’s excited to finally be trusted as the shotgun navigator #I’ve been living here for years and she has been at our parents house so she assumes we need map #no sweetie you need map #I need to briefly review map #does it count as age gap sibling when the gap between us is filled with other siblings #she’s 12 years younger than me #that’s my girl I love her

beholdingslut

in absolute tears about the pride module at my work

dikdikpronouncedxylophone

bigfoots-biggest-fan

HOLY SHIT GUYS, I WAS INSPIRED BY THIS POST TO TRY MAKE THE SONG AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN I DRAGGED THE TRAINING AUDIO OVER THE BACKING TRACK AND IT LINED UP PERFECTLY

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Tempted to actually put this on spotify so I can secretly stream it at work...

Tagging @batshit-auspol because as an Australian you're the only big account I know who might share (sorry).

punkrorschach

happy first day of pride everyone

triceratops-skeleton

This is like the D.A.R.E. Program problem where it’s accidentally incentivized the behavior they want me to stop.

#forgot broadway fan is an inuendo nah man I just oike broadway musicals #new things to call the girls #it is joke I am joking #what’s that one like #congrats to the online training for this phrase we keep saying now bc it’s funny #I am going to hurt you cause you injury or harm you in some way

Low key why do I turn into a guard dog when my friends get romantic partners. You are new here ma’am and we’re not friends yet. You are delightful as a person but how do you do as my boys garf? Hurt my bestie and I’ll bite you irl. I’ll cross state lines to do it

#feeling normal and not territorial about my friends lately #close friends become just pieces of your heart walking around unprotected and sometimes you just gotta be ok with it #I am not kidding I will bite her with violence in my heart #time to go get a chew stick and calm dow

shutyourmoustache

When my mother forgets a word, she is the queen of coming up with new words. Words that would take a third National Treasure movie to fully decipher. I was talking to her yesterday, and she said this: “You know the time for los jibbities is coming up. You must be so excited!” Oh, is it time for los jibbities already? I must have missed it on my calendar. Are we celebrating something? “Of course! We should all be celebrating, shouldn’t we?” OK, so los jibbities is a happy thing. It’s not like something is giving you the heebie-jeebies, which would have been my one and only guess. “Los heebie-jeebies? Now you’re making things up...and this is my show.” You’re right. The time for los jibbities is coming up. Is this a season? “Yes, the season for love. The season for pride.” OK, los jibbities. “Yeah, sound it out.” Los…jibbities. LGBTs! “Sí, mira cuz you’re gay!” “You couldn’t just say pride season? You couldn’t just… *laughs*

party-gilmore

HAPPY LOS JIBBITIES EVERYBODY!!!

greatmountainfloofsquatch

The time for Los Jibbities has arrived!

scarlct-vvitch

grace, who has been alone for five minutes: oh my god. an alien! im not alone anymore! i hope he wants to be friends :)

rocky, coming up on 50 years of solitude, imprinting on grace in ways baby ducklings can only dream of: if you leave me to sleep where i can't watch your heart beat i am blowing up this tunnel with us both in it

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