Here there be nonsense

My phone: *incoming call* Me: 🔫👀

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how do we know you’re not a bunch of creepy 40 year olds?

BOOM

There's this one customer who comes into the store pretty regularly, a very short and muscle-y and dressed very punk, who speaks like the most smooth southern gentleman you ever did see, and I instantly feel better everytime I talk to them.

They invariably ask me to get something down off a top shelf for them, and it's always like, "Pardon me, but would you kindly get me that box of lasagna there? See, my mama wouldn't let me grow higher than this, so I have to find some good hearted folks to let me borrow their height for a mo'ent. Ah, thank ya, thank ya kindly." I love them.

I'm glad this beautiful soul is getting the appreciation they deserve.

I could seriously use this money right now….

Please give me my refund of 400$ soon…

I feel obligated to reblog this every time it shows up in my dash

So I reblogged this exactly a week ago because I thought it was funny and uh lo and behold, a family friend wrote me a big ol’ check just to help me out of a tough financial spot AND my bank refunded me $32 for fees they’d originally taken out. SO UH YEAH. Reblogging this again in hopes that it brings equally good fortune to my followers.

Sure why not? Jobs bring in money and prosperity…

I NEED TO FIX MY CAR DOOR

It fucking WORKED.

i need to fix my whole life please