I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

maybe next year instead of amateur fireworks on every block for hours and hours we can try holding up a single beautiful flower

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

hopefully i'll get to do something other than endure soon. that would be really nice

Youre a mollusk and something potentially bad or scary gets inside you what do you do. Make a pearl around it. Okay. okay

RIP Alex Jones who popped like a balloon in his car.

literally announced on infowars. infowars made by alex jones. this is reputable due to the creator being the subject of it. farewell alex jones

RIP Alex Jones

sadistic girls go to heaven

i have this deadly sickness called remembering

parental controls on the internet should go the other way around. my mom should not be spending her screen time this way.

Divorce seems to radicalize american men in a way that needs to be studied

A divorced american man will join a right wing terror group because he didnt get custody of the kids he didnt take care of at all

An american man will have an affair with a colleague, get caught, get divorced, and join isis

much like a beautiful horse i like salt and roaming freely

white kids get to have quirky racist phases black kids dont get to be kids

every 4th of july I think about the american tourist who was like oh thank god you’re open I wasn’t sure if you’d be open today and I was like why wouldn’t we be and he said because of the holiday. in norway.