I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child

One time when my dad was in the hospital they were testing his orientation to time and place and said "Okay and what year is it?" and he said "1995" (he had dementia). And the doctor and I unconsciously exchanged a Look because it was in fact uhhh 2024 😐 and dad saw that and so when the next doctor did the test a few hours later he said "uhhhh...nineteen...nintetyyyy.......seven...???" and I was like okay, well, that IS closer, you do have to give him that

#he still knew immediately who I was which was deeply funny to me bc I was 7-8 years old in 1997 #"yes that is my daughter who was apparently born in her 20s"

CERTIFIED SICK CHICKEN POST

How quickly we forget the dangerous crow boy who’s job it is to destroy plastic

they got married btw

thank you t4t love sex and friendship

I’ve tried a few porn games, but all they have such bad user design. so like one of the games was a platformer, I thought okay, I used to play mario, this’ll be no problem. WRONG. I couldn’t even get through the first level. two straight hours of missing the same jumps and near sobbing about it. at what point am I supposed to get horny? I can’t even reach the naked demon lady because I CANNOT! MAKE! THE JUMPS! so I try another game about seducing milfs. you need to clean the milf’s house to make her like you. okay, I have limited energy per in-game day, so I vacuum her house, I tidy her magazines, I clean her dishes, I go to sleep. this repeats for days. the milf still doesn’t like me. why?? I’ve spent real hours of my life vacuuming her digital floor. why won’t the milf fall in love with me? what am I doing? what am I doing?

can someone please please please please send me a grilled cheese in the maill I'm so hungry my address is 100 ocean

Fish don't you know better than to dox yourself on the Internet

Apt. C

i fucking love when halloween music is just surf rock with a ghoul laughing in the background

Like to charge, reblog to cast?

Whenever I see a really off-the-wall take about the beatles I remember this adorable post from an older fan about how they used to play "Beatles" at recess but they were too young to really know who the beatles were so they just played house with British accents and I assume that's what a lot of people on this website are doing as well