Meg

dean/cas/meg + parallels

and ☝️ i do think douchebag bisexual supreme ilya should keep a notes app list ranking all his hookups+locations and what they did and how good they were at taking his dick (sometimes complete with contact info for repeats). and ☝️ i do ALSO think the man is aware that There Is A Problem when the top of the list starts looking like:

jane, mtl, first time backdoor like a fucking champ. soaked the bed and me. moaned like dying in reverse. why do some holes feel so much better than others

jane, mtl, nose to the bush and kept me there for fucking forever. fuck

jane, mtl, begged for anal plus two fingers. bit a circle out of my throat. payback with belt to ass after. crazy brown eyes beautiful crying

jane, mtl, thick goddamn sexy thighs. four fingers touching back of the throat and moaning for more. slut slut slut

me: my dude we just woke up!! It’s time for wakefulness and doing things and Productivity

He typically does not look at the cakes because he likes cake and what's the point of tempting himself with something he can't have. What's the point?

What's the fucking point to anything?

He walks away from the case with the triple chocolate fudge cake in his cart.

Because whats the fucking point?

In the chip aisle he adds two bags of salt and pepper chips, doritos, and spicy cheetos. The bright red ones that are full of preservatives and look fucking unnatural.

He had never even tried them, even though he loves spicy food. He had denied himself and got jokingly called a pussy for years for never breaking his diet for road snacks. And what was the fucking goddman point of it all?

He added ten more different types of snacks and cookies to his cart, including a box of fucking hohos.

In the drink aisle he got the energy drinks that Ilya loved but Shane never let him drink, the ones with caffeine and sugar warnings on the can. He got fried chicken from the deli and frozen pizza and seven different types of fancy cheese including a blueberry flavored one. Three different flavors of ice cream, two frozen pies, and three packs of frozen french fries because goddammit he wanted a fucking french fry.

He hadn't had fried potatoes in four fucking years. All so a bunch of traitors could maybe get the fucking Stanley fucking cup and not only had they not gotten the fucking cup, they'd iced him out of the team he'd built and carried on his goddamn back for a fucking decade. All cause he was a fucking faggot.

What was the fucking shitass goddamn fucking point to fucking anything?

He adds alcoholic seltzer in fruity fucking flavors and the three most expensive bottles of wine that the store has to his cart. Who really gave a shit anyways.

shane is horrifically embarrassed by this and can not meet vaughns eyes or even his body, he refuses to look at him period.

ilya laughed for damn near 5 minutes and was doubled over coughing at one point fully crying, he is delighted by this and once hes through his warmups that shane wont let him skip he skates to center ice and does the exact same thing, kicking his feet in the air, blowing kisses, little finger waves, winking at vaughn. they dont say a word the whole time they just do these actions like flirting cartoon characters stuck on loop.

the centaurs are also delighted by this, despite the knowledge that vaughn is at the top of the couples “would” list this is the incident that earns vaughnny the nickname “boyfriend” among the team. they’re playing new york? will you guys be seeing your boyfriend? new york lost the game last night? hows your boyfriend taking it? someones family member is taking a trip to new york city? hey can you guys text your boyfriend and ask for recommendations for places to eat?

the admirals give vaughn as many opportunities to drag this bit up as possible because they find it hilarious, with the exception of scott who regards this whole thing like a curse cast upon him that will last long after his death. media days are the worst for scott especially because ever since the media learn about this stupid joke they’ll get questions about it. scott any comments on the rumors that your alternative captain carter vaughn is getting between the marriage of shane hollander and ilya rozanov? he is not, vaughn does not like men. scott is there any expected tension between the admirals and the centaurs at your game next week because of carter vaughns public flirting with the couple? should the media be expecting a fight between your alternate captain and the hockey husbands? i personally dont think you should be expecting a fight if he’s flirting with both of them, but this might become a thing for hollander and rozanov and i think vaughn wouldnt mind egging it on. scott do you think your co captain has a chance of entering a relationship with shane hollander and ilya rozanov and if so how would this effect the team dynamics within the admirals? i dont think vaughnny could handle all that even if he did like men.