Remy But Worse

You are not as special as your kindergarten teacher told you that you are. Let's look at your home's seating configuration. Sure, you've probably got a couch or a sofa – Laz-E-Boy makes those too, they just don't try very hard – but they're not the same. Sleeping on a couch is sloppy, piggish. Sleeping in a recliner? Comfort. Think of it as being in the business class of your living room.

Or, if you're into cars, and we all know everyone on Earth is, there's another way to visualize it. Remember bench seats? Back when cars came with those, it was like driving around on a big sofa. You shared the same ass-cushion with everyone else in the car. Whenever you had to take a sharp corner, you were either holding on to the door card or the dashboard to keep from falling onto the driver. A recliner? That there is a bucket seat, like in a race car. A race car... for television.

All Huddled In The Grime

Until “At Last,” THE LIEUTENANT Said,

“I Do Believe It’s Time.”

He Brought His Bugle To His Lips;

Cold Silence Cracked Like Ice

He Blew The Horn With All His Might:

Once, Then Twice, Then Thrice

He Roused Us Then, His Soldiers Eight,

And Checked Our Bayonets.

“Let’s Rendezvous With Fate,” He Said,

He Led Them Right Over The Top

One By One I Saw Them Go,

One By One I Saw Them Stop.

The First To Die Was SARGENT TONGUE,

His Body Blown To Bits

For A Stone Launched ‘Ere By Trebuchet

Who Passed Without A Peep

The Sneak Fell Down A Punji Pit

Although His Fate I Did Not See

One Moment, There Was A Little Guy

Charging Forward With Great Force,

Was Cut In Half Most Cleanly

His Death I Mustn’t Speak

All I Can Say Of The Loathsome Fellow

Failed To Survive The Raid

The Chap Slipped On A Banana Peel

Who Had His Gun Into A Bomb Recast

The Lout Forgot This, Then Took Aim

Seeing His Troops’ Demise,

Turned To Me Most Solemnly

And Looked Into My Eyes:

“Go,” He Said Discreetly,

“And Let Me Die In This Disgrace;

Survive, Boy, I Beseech Thee:

I Turned Away And Ran Like Never Before

And That’s How I Survived The Battle