torikins

CANT be doing this to me when im already high. shes moving

Tasks that take 15 min but 3 hours if you include the agonies

no-purpose flour

vampire vs. skeleton. what's the vampire gonna do? suck blood the skeleton doesn't have?? on the other hand werewolf vs. skeleton would not be so good. all those bones.

Its like Halloween rock paper scissors

You’re a better person than I

“What music do you listen to?” uh I don’t listen to music, I listen to women. Because I’m an ally.

People in the 70s would wake up and be like I need to go hitchhiking right now

mfs be like good morning susan! another serial killer in the paper today, so not groovy! welp, time for our daily car ride with stranger !

Advice I wish I would’ve followed or been given.

And you can still do it now

fun fact: one of the best ways to keep your mind sharp is to continue learning new skills as you grow older! it’s never too late to learn how to make your own clothes or resurrect the dead or grow beautiful flowers.

Um

Important question: Has the wizarding world discovered vaccines and is Hogwarts vaccinated?

Harry Potter and the Violation of the Geneva Convention

to be fair, nobody asked the wizards to sign it.

hey girl you single? no? would you like to be?

aggressive divorce attorney advertising campaign

you can do better babe, let’s make this happen

PREMIUM CONTENT

Well damn

WAIT THERE ARE MORE

love the trope where an authoritative side character pointedly pretends not to help the hero they’re not supposed to be helping by saying shit like “well I can’t just let you wander around up to the THIRD FLOOR where you could just FIND THE THING YOU NEED in the FIRST ROOM ON THE LEFT. And under no circumstances should you USE THE KEY FROM UNDER THE MAT. I wish I could help you, but I CAN’T. Now excuse me, I need to take this phone call for the next 37 minutes EXACTLY.”