The Long and the Short of it

So it’s been years since I’ve been on here, but I randomly came back on Tumblr lately and thought I’d vaguely update this page.

Things have escalated somewhat in the last few years with my health, and I’ve now been an amputee for 6 months.

I’ve been weight baring for a few weeks now, so I’ve made good progress. In a LOT of pain at the moment thought because the pinsites are hurting.

I fall into a category, like many thousands of people do, where what is wrong with me isn’t bad enough that immediate action is considered necessary by the National Health Service. This means that I am on seemingly endless waiting lists leaving me in a very frustrating state of purgatory where I can’t plan anything until I know what the next stage in my continuing saga is.

I’m stuck in this perpetual state just waiting.

And it’s horrible.

Last week I found out that it is incredibly likely I will need another surgery on my leg. Whilst it is frustrating to know that I’m going to need to take more time off work and just stay in bed again for a couple of months  I was not upset to learn that this was necessary. In fact, I was kind of glad that they were finally saying what I’ve wanted to hear from someone other than myself for months - the last surgery wasn’t enough.

That might sound strange to some people and I can understand why. I’ve been in this situation for over 3 years now and I have spoken to many doctors, nurses and surgeons who don’t understand what is causing the pain I experience on a daily basis. The first surgery fixed a bone that had been fractured for several years and has provided more support in my lower leg. However, the pain is not better and I still walk incorrectly. The next proposed surgery is being done in an attempt to fix that for me. The next surgery is proof to me that my doctors are taking me seriously when I say that I still have no confidence in my leg.

What does cause me a great level of frustration is that I have to wait a potential three to four months to talk to the surgeon I have been referred to so I can find out if he agrees this surgery is necessary. Three to four months. For those who haven’t worked it out that means it could be December or even January 2015 before I meet this guy. If he gives the green light, which my current surgeon thinks is definitely going to happen, it would be another six to twelve weeks before the surgery took place.

I could be waiting for this surgery for seven months maximum. More waiting.

I know there are plenty of people in the same situation as me. No matter what the reason is that you are on a hospital waiting list the frustration is no different. You are still waiting to find out what your next step is and you learn quite quickly that it can make things difficult to plan. It’s quite likely I won’t be able to go on my annual trip to America to visit my best friend next summer because I’ll just about have finished recovering and wouldn’t find flying all that comfortable. That weighs on my mind. It’s not the end of the world, I know that, and I could go later in the year but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept.

I also keep thinking that this new surgeon could just say no. That he doesn’t think the surgery will help and isn’t willing to take the risk. I hope the fact that I am willing to take the risk will sway him, but I could wait four months to just be told no. Then I’d be put back on my surgeons waiting list and will talk to him again. I’ll find out eventually I guess.