I want to pet you like an animal...

my kids are gonna be like mommy what’s an ipad and i’m going to be like we DONT use that word in this house. play with worms.

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

that medieval peasant you’re trying to kill with hyper-pop is gonna make you clean and butcher a chicken and you’re gonna throw up.

a 5’7” white boy has been reported doing wall pushups outside a 7/11

now something bad is happening

jesus christ

he falled down

one can imagine that the bond between a woman in her twenties and snoopy is comparable to the pledge of nuns to jesus christ

I think Katy Perry’s music is the opposite of enjoyable but sometimes I listen to the simlish cover of last Friday night and I almost throw up laughing every time

I had to edit this post because I accidentally said teenage dream instead of last Friday night but then I remembered “last frooby noop” and laughed so hard i choked on my own spit

RIP tucker carlton

the little green pepper they give you with papa johns ultimately tells a queer narrative