biting the narrative

Being hairy is so awesome #mammal

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

You guys would like my posts a lot more if you had my exact life experiences and internal monologue

does anyone want to borrow my essence. i haven't really been using it lately

And i shit you not the pasta was creepy

i have [gestures vaguely] my tendencies

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

blue raspberry is fucked up cause it doesn't make sense but then u taste it and it Does taste like if a raspberry was blue

i like to think that i am a can of worms you would not like to open

poker is a hateful game that punishes people who wear their beautiful sensitive heart on their sleeve

One of the machines broke down at the hyperbole factory. The situation is frustrating, but ultimately manageable.

It just started working again! This is the best day ever!