Tinder Nation, A/S/L

I am more disturbed by the fact that you poop with your pants on then the fact that i am imagining you pooping before I've ever met you.

You are just too damn segsy for me.

Nice try, but you are not tricking me into having anal with you. Even without a pain in my butt, it is still a no.

Okay! All these sneakers and you chose to wear that on your feet. You look like a boss of these shoes -- put a pair on for a picture. Oh wait, were you showing off your toes?

Sir, I just can NOT with you! First off, you look like an asshole.  That's a given.  You did not need to sit contemplating how big of an asshole you are because you already know.  You have made the conscious decision to pose in front of someone's foul-mouth, defaced holiday snow mirror. Gross.

Okay...so, I'm just wondering, are you trying to get a date or confessing to a sex crime? Is this a self portrait or a courtroom sketch? Your tactics confuse me.

What ever happened to the traditional hello? I mean, most of us aren't at our most interesting at 1:30 in the morning, but does your shitty overthought pick up line ever work? Like EVER???