Blobs of Honey

happiness

Stick on the Cucumber

Fancy pickle

Pickle cucumber

Cucumber.jpg

cumcuber.ex

Cucumbers make you cheat

THEN PERISH

Cucumber on a stick is Fine Art now

Why weren’t you at Cucumber Practice??

You know I had to stick it to em

:O :O :O :O :O :o

but have y’all seen the sequel

A video posted by Eh Bee Family (@ehbeefamily) on Dec 31, 2016 at 9:06am PST

Reblog to save a vagina.

don’t like rectangles or square? Okay. Have a fucking trapezoid seat.

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

THERE’S A TOTAL LUNAR ECLIPSE!!!!!

Bad dog. Out you go

The Dog Will Stay

Too bad.

the dog stays

THE DOG GOES.

THE DOG STAYS

The dog goes. 

THE DOG. STAYS.

THE DOG GOES

THE DOG STAYS

^ this entire thread in a nutshell.

THE DOG IS MINE.

sorry followers :(

- getting enough sunshine - opening the curtains - eating regular meals - short walks with your favourite music - don’t stay up until 3am - don’t try to relate to tumblr text posts - get off tumblr/social media if it’s unhealthy - shower - don’t stay in bed the whole day - plan out your day - listen to music - change your clothes - set yourself small goals - say yes to fun events - drink water, it takes 5 seconds - talk to a close friend - remind yourself: a bad mood can lie to you - you’re not unwanted or hopeless - you deserve love so be nice to yourself

Follow Ultrafacts for more facts

They are the War-Khasi, a division of the Khasi, a people who call themselves Hynñiew Trep. They live in Meghalaya, and they have been building these bridges in the town of Cherrapunji for longer than anyone knows. They are not anonymous.